Breast Cancer Support For Kelsey!

Diagnosed with Breast Cancer HER2 Positive, stage 3A - January 30, 2017 - 
"Because I have an amazing support group of family and friends, we set up a GoFundMe account to help with our expenses. We have been trying to save up for when I get kicked off my step-dad's insurance, but it's proving to be very difficult... Our rent and bills alone cost us $1500/month, plus gas and groceries. Two out of the three weeks (after Chemo session) i'm usually bed ridden, and unable to work. On top of our normal household bills, in May, we will be paying an additional $600/month for 7 months, plus Out of Pocket copays for prescriptions, lab works, Chemo, and whatever else we will end up having to pay to keep private insurance. It's putting a lot of stress on us and taking a toll on my Boyfriend since he's the only one working... It's going to be a LONG YEAR, and I want to thank everyone for your Donations and Support throught out this long endeavor." 

LINK: My Breast Cancer Journey    

I don’t even know where to start, but here it goes... January of last year, I was having severe abdominal pain on my left side, so of course I made an appointment to see the doctor at the Longstreet Clinic in Gainesville. The doctor didn’t think anything of it, so he prescribed me some pain meds and sent me home without a single exam. It didn’t take long before the pain started back up the following morning. The feeling was as if someone stabbed you in the pelvis with a knife and started twisting it slowly. The pain left me speechless. If I moved, it just seemed to get worse. I didn’t count the minutes, but it felt like I laid in bed for a good ten minutes before the pain let up and I felt completely normal again. I tried taking the meds the doctor prescribed, but it didn’t seem to do any good. Every morning for the next three to four days was the same kind of pain. Eventually it stopped after the fourth day and I could finally sleep through the mornings again! After a week of pain free mornings, I decided to make another appointment to see the doctor. This time, I demanded to get an Ultra Sound. The doctor still persisted to say that it was nothing, but I knew better than to listen to him. We scheduled the Ultra Sound the same day, and go figure, there WAS something wrong with me. Go figure... The Ultra Sound reveled a giant Cyst growing on my left ovary. Again, the doctor said it was no big deal, that this is very common for someone my age to have/get. I couldn’t believe a word he was saying at this point, but towards the end of the appointment he decided to do a followup the next month.
On the day of my appointment, they do another Ultra Sound. And guess what, it’s worse! I now had two small cysts growing inside the pre-existing cyst. HOW ON EARTH does that even happen? Oh, because it’s me. At this point, the doctor seemed very worried and started going over options like possibly draining it, or removing it which may be harmful for my ovary, or just monitoring it and making sure it doesn’t erupt. Either way, no pain medicine was going to help, and I absolutely did not trust this doctor to do any kind of surgery on me. So, I decided to suck it up and deal with the pain. If there was nothing that could be done, then I might as well just leave it until something does happen. Anyways, fast forwarding to three or four months later, I notice a significant size difference in my boobs. The right boob miraculously jumped from a C cup to a D cup. Spence also noticed that the right boob had this large hard spot on the top of my boob near my chest. I didn’t think anything of, but I figured the smart thing to do was to get it checked out. Unfortunately I went back to the same doctor that “diagnosed” the cyst on my left ovary. I’m all for giving second chances and all... He did the normal Breast Exam and said it didn’t feel alarming. He mentioned it being another large cyst since that’s very “common” at my age, and since i’m prone to getting cysts, he said it’s nothing to be worried about. Something inside me was already sending alarms through my head, so I immediately called my mom while I was getting dressed in the exam room. She told me to demand a Mammogram as soon as possible. The doctor said he didn’t think it was necessary but he’ll see if there’s an opening. And just my luck, they could see me that same day! When I went to the mammogram office across the hall, they said they could NOT schedule me a Mammogram without first having an Ultra Sound, otherwise the Insurance would not cover it. Another pointless exam in the dumb doctor’s favor. They didn’t see anything harmful except the large mass in my right boob they claimed was a cyst. Same options as before, drain it, surgically remove it, or leave it. So, i left it...

Fast forwarding to January of 2017.
It’s a new year, new adventures, and new resolutions. I was ready to put 2016 behind me and move forward! Spence and I have had a rough four in a half years together, but we are still staying strong, happily in love and HOPEFULLY done moving for the third time in a year! I was excited for what 2017 has to offer, until another bodily phenomenon occurred...
I was getting ready to take a shower when I noticed my right boob was throbbing with a slight pain, which wasn’t really out of the ordinary. I tried massaging it a little until I noticed a yellow goopy substance discharged from my nipple. UCK! I instantly started freaking out and grabbed my boob harder. The more I squeezed, the more the goopy yellow substance came out. At this point I was freaking out and called Spence into the room. I remembered he had a good friend that was a nurse practitioner that could possibly answer some concerning questions. I talked to his buddy’s wife, Ashley, since she was also a nurse practitioner and I felt a little more comfortable talking with her about the whole situation. Towards the end of the conversation, we made plans for me to come in for a breast exam.
During the exam I could tell she was a little concerned with the large mass she felt on my right boob. After talking for a bit, I felt comfortable enough to open up and explain everything i’ve been going through up to this point. Ashley was super nice and I could tell she really wanted to help me. She wanted to take the next step and make sure I had a full clean of health. So, she took quite a bit of my blood and scheduled me to have a Mammogram at the Imaging Center in Gainesville. She was very proactive on getting me these exams, unlike a certain “other” doctor. The fact that she was a close friend, and I could talk to her about my medical issues, it just made me feel like I was finally being heard.
When I arrived at the Imaging Center, I was in “awe”. The front lobby was huge! There was a counter with coffee, teas, and hot chocolate, and not to mention a waterfall in the middle of the waiting room. It was very fancy by my standards. Everyone was super nice. I went in to the Women’s Only section where they gave me a pre-heated silk robe to change into. As I turned the corner in the women’s waiting room, there was a small buffet bar of breakfast items, bananas, apples, orange and apple juice, and coffee. Ohh so nice... The lady doing my Mammogram exam was so upbeat, nice, and made me feel very comfortable from start to finish. They decided to do both boobs, just to have the left side as a comparison. Even through the Ultra Sound, the ladies there answered my questions with no hesitation and explained what they were doing/seeing through the whole process. I would say it was a good experience all together.
From all my questions I asked during my exams, I gathered that I had a LOT of Calcium Deposits built up in my right boob and none on my left. Which to me, and from the doctor’s reactions, didn’t seem like a big deal. In their words, Calcium Deposits are very normal in women my age. So, nothing to worry about... Right?
Maybe a few hours or a day later, I received a call from Ashley with my Mammogram results. They wanted to be completely thorough and schedule me for a Biopsy on my right boob. My loving boyfriend, Spence, drove me to my Biopsy appointment a few days later. It was also at the Imaging Center, and since my section was a “Women’s Only” section, Spence had to stay out in the lobby are. Which wasn’t so bad since he was able to catch up on sleep from the night before of working. As I was preparing for my Biopsy procedure, there was this lady named Amy, who was the nicest and most caring person there. She was there to assist me in anything I may need, such as heated blankets, orange juice, snacks, etc. She was definitely my favorite person there by far... As i’m sitting in the biopsy room, the lady doing my procedure came in to talk about how it’s going to go, what she is going to be doing, and what to expect. Like everyone else, she reassured me that it’s VERY rare to find Calcium Deposits as a form of cancer. However, there were some cases where Calcium Deposits can turn cancerous but highly unlikely in people my age. She didn’t think she would find anything concerning in my results. It was definitely an awkward procedure for me, but nothing too uncomfortable. In one week, i’ve received a Mammogram, an Ultra Sound, and a Biopsy. I was feeling pretty confident that I would come out with a clean bill of health and that my abnormally large double D right boob and size C left boob were just the way they grew.

Beginning of February
As Monday rolls around, I saw I had a missed call from Ashley around 8am or 9am, which of course I was still asleep. I went through the day doing my usual routine; happy as ever. As I was making dinner, I remembered Ashley’s call and text her back to call me when she was free. I was in the middle of making dinner when she called... From the sound of her voice, I knew something was wrong. She apologized at first, and said the scariest thing that left me speechless... It is in fact, Cancerous. The realization that I had Breast Cancer quickly brought up so many questions and also, put a few things in perspective. Like one, the first doctor that told me it was JUST a cyst back in April, messed up 100%. He failed to take me seriously because of my age, he failed to do additional tests, and he should have taken the initiative as a doctor to make sure I was indeed a healthy 25 year old woman. The large mass in my boob should have brought on many questions, but instead, I waited almost 10 months before finally taking the initiative myself in getting it checked. As Ashley was talking, I had her on speaker so Spence could hear everything she was saying. He was just as shocked as I was. I could see in his face he was scared, worried, and speechless as well. I could barely hear what Ashley was saying with all the questions going through my mind. Towards the end of the call, I completely broke down. I couldn’t hold back the tears already running down my face. I couldn’t even think the word, “Cancer” without crying. I honestly thought I was dreaming, like this couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening to me. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why....
I already had an appointment with the Oncologist at the Longstreet Cancer Center. Again, just hearing the name gave me chills. My mom, Spence and I headed in to my appointment and ended up sitting for almost an hour in a half before the doctor came in to talk with us. In our minds, we had assumed that the Cancer was noninvasive, meaning the cancer stays within the milk ducts or lobules in the breast. They do not grow into or invade normal tissues within or beyond the breast. Non-invasive cancers are sometimes called carcinoma in situ or pre-cancers. Which in our mind, was the best type of cancer I could have. Nevertheless, Life seems to bring the worst of worst for me. As the doctor started describing their findings in my results, we learned that the Cancer was no longer Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, but had turned invasive in a very small section of my boob, meaning the abnormal cancer cells begin forming in the milk ducts and have spread beyond the ducts into other parts of the breast tissue. Invasive cancer cells can also spread to other parts of the body.. Nonetheless, this was beginning to turn into a very real, very serious matter. The Doctor felt the large mass which, when measuring it with his ruler, looked to be larger than 5cm. There are a lot more tests I am needing to undergo to determine what stage I am currently in. Again, my mind started to wonder and it felt as if I was in a dream. My mom was the one asking all the questions. I stayed quiet and listened. I looked over at Spence’s face a few times, and I just saw the worry and fear in his eyes. I kept my composure for the sake of my mom, and made a few jokes here and there to lighten the mood. I understand it’s no laughing matter, but without a little humor, life would turn even more miserable and unbearable. The doctor briefly started talking about Chemotherapy, saying that the size of my “Tumor” in my boob was too massive and too much of a risk to do surgery straight off. Chemo would help kill the cancer cells and reduce the size so it would be less likely for the cancer cells to move to other areas in my body. I knew what Chemo meant for me. I knew what surgery meant for me. I already had a hard time with self-esteem, and have always been self conscious growing up. Losing my long beautiful hair that I’ve always been praised for as a child, and losing not just one, but possibly both my boobs in the process of getting rid of Cancer is going to be the hardest thing i’ll probably ever have to go through in my life. I know to most people, hair is just hair and it’ll grow back. I understand that, but it means something much more to me. And as for my boobs, I know they would be able to do reconstructive surgery on them, but it’s just not the same for me. I’m scared about having scars, I’m scared of what I’ll look like and what people will see. I know I shouldn’t, but that’s just how I think.
When we got home, my mom stayed for awhile and ate dinner with us. She was a good distraction from the dreadful news from earlier, even though she was on the phone talking to the world. I knew the news was hard for her to hear. I didn’t want to add more sadness by showing my emotions while she was at our house. As it got later, she finally left and I got ready for bed. Spence ended up falling asleep on the couch while I was getting ready. As soon as I sat in bed, the news, the emotions, everything just hit me all at once... Hard. I bursted in uncontrollable tears, and made my way to lay with Spence. I needed the comfort, I needed him holding me tight, I needed him there for me. I probably cried for 20 minutes. Every negative thought kept popping in my head, which made me cry even more. I thought about what Spence would think of me, I thought about losing my hair and boobs, I thought about my future of possibly having kids some day, I thought about how long I would be needing to go through this, and how we are going to afford our rent and bills if Spence is the only one working. The next night was not as bad, but I the emotions were still hard to control. I cried myself to sleep while laying in Spence’s arms.
The previous Sunday was when we were suppose to be leaving for our ski trip we planned three months in advance. We were debating about going since Spence needed to catch up on Powder Coating, and honestly, I wasn’t sure if I felt up to it anymore. We ended up leaving Thursday night with our good friend Sunny. I’ve been waiting a year to go back to Sugar Mountain, NC and get on my board. No matter what, I was finally going to go to the tippy top of the mountain with Spence. I wanted to achieve this for the past two years, and by gosh, I was going to do it this time! And what do you know, I made it to the tippy top. I felt my goal was finally accomplished and I have something to look forward to next year. I’m glad we decided to go. This trip was a great distraction for me, and I felt like I needed this before I start Chemo.
Monday starts the long and exhausting week of doctor visits, MRI and ECHO exams, PORT insertion, more doctor visits, and possibly the first day of Chemo starting Friday. My mom and I have been looking for doctors that we feel comfortable with and can trust their judgement. The first Oncologist we spoke with seemed to hold back information and left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Therefore, we felt his best interest was not me, but trying to sell his staff and his nurses which left us with little faith in him. As of right now, we will be meeting with a highly recommended Oncologist in Athens, another Oncologist at the Cancer Treatment of America, and possibly one more Oncologist that was also highly recommended. Obviously trying to see these doctors in the same week as all my exams are not going to happen, so holding off on Chemo for one more week might be the best and safest option for me at the moment. Having a Doctor we can trust and is completely honest with us is what we believe is the most important.
The ball is rolling, and it’s rolling fast!

Here We Go! Monday: 02/13/2017
Monday seemed to come too quickly. It meant the start of a chaotic week of more doctor visits and exams. Today I had an MRI appointment at 10:45am and we were meeting the New Oncologist our buddy JJ recommended around 1:30pm. Not much going on, but I knew the day was going to be a drag.
I wouldn’t say I woke up “late”, but it wasn’t as early as I would have liked to wake up. By the time my mom came to pick me up, we were already running a little behind. When we arrived at the Imaging Center in Gainesville, it was already 11:15...Oops. We rushed inside where the receptionist gave me some paper to fill out before heading to the back. I barely got to a chair before the lady started saying my appointment had been cancelled since I didn’t arrive at 10:15am. My mom was furious! No where on my scheduling did it say I had to arrive at 10:15am OR they would cancel on me. It was scheduled for 10:45am, and even though we arrived late, they made it clear that even if we arrived 5-10 minutes early, they still would not have seem me today. We tried talking to the scheduling department to see if they could fit us in in a few hours, or just some time this week. But no, the soonest they could get me in again would be on the 24th; which by then it would be way too late. Either way, it wasn’t going to happen today.
My mom and I decided to head over to the Longstreet Cancer Center to pick up my records and talk to the lady who scheduled my MRI in the first place. Hopefully there was something she could do to help us out. After taking up 20 minutes of the lady’s time, I could tell she was getting very frustrated from trying to work with our already chaotic schedule for the week. My mom and her just bickered back and forth until we could clear up this mess. The most important thing as of right now was trying to get an MRI before I started Chemo. In my opinion, there were a lot of things wrong with the Longstreet Clinic. Their GYN, the Doctors, the scheduling, it was all just a jumble of frustration. At this point, I have little respect for that whole hospital system. Before leaving, one of the nurses took some blood since my mom demanded a CA 125, which measures the amount of the protein CA 125 (cancer antigen 125) in your blood. A CA 125 test may be used to monitor certain cancers during and after treatment. In some cases, a CA 125 test may be used to look for early signs of ovarian cancer in women with a very high risk of the disease. And since Ovarian Cancer runs in the family, might as well get myself tested. After that, we rushed back in the car to head to Athens. We were meeting the second opinion Oncologist at the University Cancer & Blood Center.
We literally made it there 5 minutes before out appointment time. Right on time by my standards! The receptionist gave us a huge pack of New Patient paperwork to fill out. We were probably sitting for less than 5 minutes before the Oncologist, Dr. Nikolinakos, himself came out to the waiting room and formally introduce himself. He took us back to one of the rooms and immediately got into what type of Breast Cancer I had. He wanted to make sure we understood what I had, what i’m about to go through, and answer all our questions. We could tell he studied my file very carefully, cause he started writing everything on the whiteboard in the room. He wrote out notes, drew pictures, explained what everything meant from all my exams. If he didn’t know something, it was because of the lack of results he was still waiting on from my upcoming appointments. We were probably talking for about an hour, answering the million of questions my mom had, and walking us through the Chemo drugs and treatment. Not once did we ever feel like we were being rushed or like I wasn’t important. He listened to everything and seemed genuinely concerned for my health and well being. When we told him about my pre-existing bladder issues, he took that into consideration and crossed out the drugs that would highly affect my bladder. Because of this, he was already WAY better than the other Oncologist at the Longstreet Cancer Center. That guy didn’t even care that I had bladder issues. His response was “Oh, don’t worry, we can give her pain meds for that”. Umm, no you can’t. That is why my Urologist is going to be involved every step of the way... What an idiot. Towards the end of the consultation, Dr. Nik checked one more area on my right boob to check the Lymph Nodes for any possibility that the cancer has spread there. Unfortunately, he felt a very small lump under my armpit. Lymph Nodes are small clumps of immune cells that act as filters for the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system runs throughout the body (like the circulatory (blood) system) and carries fluid and cells. So, because he has determined that the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes, it was a higher possibility that I would need Radiation after Chemo and surgery. Just another thing to mark in my calendar...
Dr. Nik walked us up to the scheduling department and introduced my mom to the lady that handles insurance. My mom had a few concerns since I would be losing my insurance after I turn 26 this year in May. While my mom talked to her, Dr. Nik and I talked to the scheduling lady for all my exams I was still going to need, and when my first Chemo appointment would be. It was nice that he was telling the lady himself and not just dumping us there to act like a deer in headlights. After he left and my mom came over, the scheduling lady was on the phone non-stop booking all my appointments. We were highly impressed. Most places tell us that either we need to call them or they will call us to book an appointment. But no, she was being super nice, upbeat and didn’t seem like we were bothering her in the least bit. She even called our insurance to make sure everything would be covered before making the appointments. WOW! It might have been her job, but it was the nicest thing she could have done for us. We’ve already experienced an exhausting day and needed a break from that. All in all, I feel a lot more comfortable being at this center. Dr. Nik seemed to know what he was talking about, he answered all our questions to where we honestly couldn’t think of anymore, and he earned extra brownie points when he told my mom to be quite so he could finish talking. Haaa, THAT was the best part of my day! We were about finished up when the Oncology Social Worker, Ms. Campbell, came out to talk with us. She is more like the hospital councilor for patients who need someone to talk to, or better understand their situation and help educate them. We talked for another 30 minutes, she showed us around the facility, and made me feel like I would be in good hands. When we made it back to the front of the office, it was already 20 minutes after closing. Again, we never felt rushed, not one bit. It was a great experience! We decided that even though I would be driving an hour every three weeks for my Chemo treatments, it would be worth it.

What We Learned: University Cancer & Blood Center
I’m sure everyone is wanting to know the facts and the hard truth about what we learned. I know I mentioned earlier about all the Calcium Deposits that were found in my right boob. Turns out, they are ALL cancerous. I wish I had a picture of the Mammogram as a visual, but it shows the calcium deposits that are inside the large tumor, and also a lot outside. My entire boob seemed to be full of them. The tumor itself is at a stage 0, but the rest of my boob, from what the doctor says, could be at a stage 2B or 3A.
Here’s a break down of what the stage 0 tumor means: Pre-cancer of the breast. Many consider DCIS the earliest form of breast cancer. In DCIS, cancer cells are still within a duct and have not invaded deeper into the surrounding fatty breast tissue. As for 2B: The tumor is larger than 2 cm but less than 5 cm across. It has spread to 1 to 3 axillary lymph nodes and/or tiny amounts of cancer are found in internal mammary lymph nodes on sentinel lymph node biopsy. The cancer hasn't spread to distant sites. And 3A: The tumor is larger than 5 cm across but does not grow into the chest wall or skin. It has spread to 1 to 9 axillary nodes, or to internal mammary nodes. The cancer hasn't spread to distant sites.
We already know from two Oncologists that my tumor is 5cm or more, so we can already assume that it’s going to be at least a stage 3A. Not to mention, we were told that it is now in the lymph nodes. Because of that, I will be required to have Radiation to make sure that everything dies and never comes back. It’s going to be a very long process, and a very long year... Dr. Nik will keep a close eye on my tumor. He says, if it grows even a hair during Chemo, I will have no choice but to go straight into surgery and have it taken out. The way I look at it, i’m losing my right boob regardless. And depending on what comes back from my BRCA 1/2 test (https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer...), that will determine whether I get my left boob taken out as well. Well, there’s one good thing I can look forward to... Boob job! Reconstructive surgery will take place three weeks after my last Chemo, then Radiation three weeks after that. For my Chemo, there are two different combinations I could take since I am HER2 positive, but only one will work for me without damaging my already messed up bladder. TCH+P is what the doctor calls it, which stands for Taxotere (docetaxel), Carboplatin, Herceptin (trastuzumab) + Pertuzumab (Perjeta). The Taxotere is the MOST toxic and is what makes people going through Chemo lose their hair. Because i’m HER2 positive, I’ll have to keep taking Herceptin for a year after Chemo. Luckily there are no damaging side effects from that drug. Dr. Nik suggested that, because of my eggs, he wants to try and preserve my ovaries the best he can. So, he’ll give me a dose of either Zoladex or Lupron. They are both luteinizing hormone-releasing hormone (LHRH) agonists. These medicines work by telling the brain to stop the ovaries from making estrogen. The medicines are given as injections once a month for several months or every few months. Once you stop taking the medicine, the ovaries begin functioning again. Since the chemo is suppose to kill all cells from forming, by shutting down the ovaries, it will hopefully not go after those cells. However, there is still a risk of chemo damaging my eggs and ovaries regardless of what the doctors do. That is why my mom and I are making arrangements for me to meet with the Reproductive Biology Association at Gwinnett Medical in Lawrenceville. They have dealt with many Cancer patients who need to have their eggs extracted and stored until after Chemo or until they are ready to have children in the future. Not really sure how we are going to fit that into our busy schedule, but we’ll have to try. Busy busy busy...

A Port For Valentine’s Day: 02/14/2017
Happy Valentine’s Day! Today’s the day I get a PORT inserted under the skin of my chest. This will be a direct line to the vein of my heart so it will pump the medicines faster and easier. The part where you can visibly see a protruding bump under my skin, has a self healing adhesive where you can stick a needle several times in it and it’s still like new. My skin will still be pierced, but it’s better than the nurses needing to find a vein every time. Besides being used for my chemo fluids, the PORT will also be good for drawing blood or giving me IV fluids. Of course, there is a special needle that can ONLY be used for PORT, so not just any needle can be used. Just have to make sure no dumb doctors try to use it.
Spence brought me to the Longstreet Surgical Center where we filled out some MORE paperwork, then was brought back to an open room. The lady talked me through what was going to happen today and brought out some diagrams that showed what and how a PORT was placed. Spence and I were intrigued when she showed us what a real port looked like. She even stuck the special needle in it to show how the self healing adhesive worked... Pretty cool. She left me to get dressed in a gown and to prepare the surgical room. I laid in the bed, trying not to think of anything, but that didn’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. Spence sat closer to me, holding my hand. I wasn’t crying because I was scared, I was tearing up because everything was starting to become so real. Getting the PORT inserted was just another step closer to the start of Chemo, and the loss of my hair... The male nurse rolled me back and prepped me for the procedure. He was a very funny guy. He was making funny sarcastic remarks like how he’s only done this once, and the first time he had to look on YouTube! I’m sure there were more, but I don’t remember. I made sure to tell the anesthesia guy that I wanted to be completely zonked out. I didn’t want to feel anything, I didn’t want to hear anything, and I definitely did NOT want to wake up mid surgery. I guess he listened, cause I slept through the entire thing with no problem. When I started to come to, I remember the nurse asking how I’m feeling. I had a pounding headache that she gave me medicine for, then I think I asked her if I had three boobs now? No idea why. My breathing was very heavy and then I started crying. I kept asking where Spence was and that I wanted him here. He was by my side in seconds. From what Spence said, I only slept about 15 minutes after surgery before being called back to see me. Another thing I remember was mentioning something about donuts and how I wanted one. Before the appointment, Spence and I stopped by Dunkin’ Donuts to get one for after surgery, but they were completely out. We were planning on coming back afterwards and hopefully they’ll have more. So, during my grogginess of mentioning donuts, she propositioned me. Apparently the office ordered a box from earlier and they still had some left over donuts, so she said she’d give me one if I started getting up... It was too hard to pass up. And afterwards, we still ended up going to Dunkin’ Donuts where Spence bought a dozen. Mhmmm!
For the rest of the day I was very drowsy. I mostly kept my eyes closed as I walked while Spence held me up with his arms. All I wanted to do was go home, lay down, and sleep the rest of the day. My chest was started to hurt more and more as the numbing agent wore off. When we got home, Spence laid me down in bed for 30 minutes before waking me up. I had an appointment in 40 minutes I needed to get to in Snellville. I was suppose to be meeting with a highly recommended surgeon my Urologist talked to. Spence drove me to a QT where we were meeting my mom. She was going to drive me to meet with the surgeon while Spence went back home and tried to finish powder coating before coming to my mom’s house for dinner. I was more awake by this point, but still needed assistance walking. As Spence helped me into my mom’s car, I heard a car go by behind us and a boy yelling “Why she need help getting in the car?” Really? Go mind your own business kid. I was too out of it to look, but it kind of disturbed me hearing that. I’m not some pill popping drugged up prostitute getting smuggled into a Prius... Sheesh.
When we got to the surgeon’s building, they got us straight into a room. The male nurse started asking us questions before Dr. Kramer saw us. Unfortunately, he didn’t get to see us. In order for him to make an accurate proposal about my surgery after chemo, he needs to see my Mammogram report. When we got my records from Longstreet, they never gave us that report, just a CD of the images and other documents. So instead of wasting both our times, we decided to reschedule for Thursday, giving us time to get the reports he needs.
Once we left, my mom was asking if I wanted to stop somewhere and get Spence a Valentine’s Day gift. With everything going on, I never had time to do it, so it was nice that my mom offered. I picked up a few things I knew he would love, but couldn’t find the right card that said it all. It’s not like Hallmark has a “Cancer Card” that tells someone who much they mean to you while you’re going through Chemo. When we got back to my mom’s house, I hopped on her computer and started creating a meaningful card. I had to shorten it quite a bit so it didn’t turn into a book, but I it was enough to show how much he means to me and how much I love him. I gave him everything once he arrived, then left a few hours later to go home. I was so worn out from the day and in so much pain. It feels a little harder to breath or catch my breath, and I can’t really turn my neck too much. It was all very uncomfortable. I kept thinking how I was going to sleep tonight... As soon as we walked into the living room, there were balloons on the table, my favorite ice cream in the freezer, a homemade strawberry cake that was absolutely delicious, and a new chain necklace for the heart pendant he got me for Christmas. I wasn’t expecting him to do anything, but this was all a really nice surprise. Sometimes, I just wish I could do more for him.
It was hard to sleep through the night, but keeping in an upright position in bed seemed to help my neck relax. If I moved in the slightest bit, the tube in the vein of my neck kinks and turns into a sharp very uncomfortable pain. So best not to move... Zzzzz

The Only Relaxing Day Of The Week: 02/15/2017
It’s been one heck of a tiring week; Non-stop hospital visits, exams, needles, pain... Every day had at least three doctor appointments, cancelations, rescheduling, driving all over town, and late nights waiting for Spence to pick me up from my mom’s house so I could FINALLY go home and try to get some sleep.
Tuesday night was not the most comfortable. The PORT kept me up half the night from the pain and since the numbing shot wore off, the swelling started, making it hard to breath. The only way I was able to be comfortable in the slightest bit, was sitting straight up in bed. If you consider that “comfortable”. I didn’t have an early morning, but I had an MRI appointment around 12pm I needed to get to. Since the first one got cancelled because I was late, I wasn’t going to let that happen again. Today I didn’t need a driver. It was suppose to be a simple day with one MRI in Lawrenceville, and getting my Nexplanon (birth control) removed from my arm in Braselton. Simple... I made it to Gwinnett Medical 30 minutes early (like I was suppose to) and checked in with the lady. It didn’t take long before they brought me back. As I was talking with the lady who would be doing my MRI scan, she asked if I brought the Mammogram report and the CD with the images. Of course I had a confused look on my face, and asked her if I was suppose to bring them. She said, who ever made my appointment should have told me that I needed to bring the results and CD with me to this appointment, otherwise they will NOT be able to administer the scan. I started getting a little upset. When we met with the surgeon yesterday, we left the CD with him, and we never received the original mammogram report yet. No matter how important I told the lady I needed this MRI today, she said she could not and would not do the scan without those two things. Ugh, another MRI canceled and rescheduled. So today was not off to a good start. Since I didn’t get the scan, I had three hours to kill before my Nexplanon appointment. But, I after talking with my mom, I decided to just head over to the Longstreet GYN in Braselton to see if they would take me in early. It only takes about 5 minutes to remove the Nexplanon from my arm, so i’m sure they would take me when I got there. Once I got there and tried checking in, the receptionist went to check me in, but didn’t see me in their system. I told her what I was there for and that I had an appointment TODAY at this location. She started getting snooty with me and said “No, ya don’t. You have an appointment at the Gainesville location.” O-M-G! Are you freakin kidding me? The receptionist from the Cancer Center was the one that made this appointment for me, and she specifically said there were no openings at the Gainesville location, only the Braselton location. Which was fine since Braselton is a bit closer to where we live. By this point I was so frustrated and already starting to get exhausted. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I could start feeling it take a toll on me. I walked out of the office and was about to head up to Gainesville. At least I decided to go early rather than waiting last minute for my appointment. I was talking to my mom the whole way up. She was telling me how she talked to a lady who was head manager of the Longstreet medical center in Gainesville and Braselton. She told her everything that i’ve been going through and how the doctors never did anything to check the tumor in my boob when I first brought it to their attention 11 months ago. The lady wanted to talk to me as soon as I checked in for my appointment. I sat for 10 minutes after checking in when the lady called me back into her office. Her name was Rachel, Practice Operations Manager for the Center of Women’s Health. She started out with how she talked to my mom and that she wanted to get my side of the story. I told her everything since the beginning. She looked like she was about to cry cause her eyes were getting watery from listening to my story. She kept apologizing and saying how terrible she felt and how she can’t imagine going through what I am going through now. After a moment of talking, she wanted to reassure me that she was going to bring my case to the higher up people. This was a case of Malpractice, and she would do what she could to get my voice heard. It was nice to know she cared and acted sympathetic to my situation, but in my mind I didn’t believe a word she was saying. The Longstreet Medical group had already lost my respect, and there was no way the Operations Manager was going to jeopardize the Hospital’s reputation for the sake of me. Their Attorneys and Lawyers wouldn’t allow that. Once we were finished talking, I went into a patient room waiting for the Doctor to come in. The nurse came in to prep me and asked what the reason was for me taking the Nexplanon out when I still had 2 more years left on it. She wanted to know if I found another source of birth control. I smirked and said, “yeah, it’s called Chemo.” Of course she was shocked, and quickly apologized. Meh, it happens. Nothing I can do about it now. The Doctor was very quick. A shot of numbing serum, a small incision, and out came the plastic stick that kept me from having mini Spences’ the past 5 years. It was a sad moment for me. By the end of the day I was worn out. I just wanted to go home, eat, relax, and sleep. All in all, it wasn’t a terrible day. From running around and the frustration of rescheduling the MRI, it was an OK day.

Worst Day Ever! 02/16/2017
My Mom came to pick me up this morning. We had to meet with the surgeon again since they finally got my Mammogram report, which is what they were waiting on. It was a quick appointment, and when I say quick, I mean anything that lasts an hour is considered quick. The surgeon, Dr. Kramer, came in, examined my boobs, and started discussing my options for surgeries depending on the over all outcome of the Chemo. In a perfect world, the best outcome would be if the Chemo shrunk the tumor in my right boob where they can just do a Lumpectomy. Lumpectomy is also called breast-conserving surgery or wide local excision because, unlike a mastectomy, only a portion of the breast is removed. Now in MY world, more than likely I would need to have a mastectomy. Mastectomy is the removal of the whole breast. There are five different types of mastectomy: "simple" or "total" mastectomy, modified radical mastectomy, radical mastectomy, partial mastectomy, and subcutaneous (nipple-sparing) mastectomy. I’m not entirely sure which one I will have, but it all depends on how the Chemo affects my boob. My thought about the entire situation is, if they have to remove my entire right boob, they might as well do a Bilateral Mastectomy and remove both of my boobs. It’s the only way they both will look symmetrical and normal (for fake boobs). Also, my genetic test showing the BRCA 1 and 2 will highly determine if that will be a mandatory operation. I should be getting those results within the next three weeks. I would be a little heartbroken if I lost my boobs, but then again, at least with fake boobs they will be permanently plump and I can walk around with no bra! That sounds like something to look forward to...
After talking with Dr. Kramer, we were on our way to Gwinnett Medical, again, for my MRI appointment. Luckily, my other three appointments are all located at Gwinnett Medical, so we wont be driving around much today. The MRI was at the same place we went to yesterday, and since I already filled out paperwork, they took me back right away. The lady and my mom talked for a bit trying to get all the reports she needed from me. I think it’s so dumb how they can refuse an MRI just because I don’t have reports from previous appointments, but then again, I understand they want to be very thorough. But still... The MRI was a little uncomfortable. They had me undress from the waist up, put an IV in my am, then had me lay on the MRI table face down. It took a minute to catch my breath because of the PORT in my chest. It was still giving me issues breathing and putting pressure on my windpipe. Once I was down, I could relax. It wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t unbearable either. It took about 30 minutes for the machine to finish scanning my chest, then it was over. The lady was nice enough to keep the IV in my arm so I could just go to my next appointment without them needing to stick me again with a needle. That was probably the best thing they could have done for me. I wish they could just keep one in all week! I’ve been stuck three times in each arm every day since Monday. With all the bruising and needle dots on my arm, people are going to think i’m a junkie, Ha... We needed to hurry and get to the other side of the Medical building so I could make it to my other appointment. It was just going to be a quick injection of a fluid known as a tracer, which is attracted to Cancer that could have spread to the bones. The actual test I was getting was a Bone Density Scan. Here’s a good explanation of what it is: http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/.... The guy injecting me was so thankful that the MRI department left the IV in my arm. It just makes things go smoother, quicker, and less painful for me. After giving me the injection, it takes three to four hours before they can administer the bone scan, which gives me enough time to go back to the waiting room and wait for my CT/CAT scan. I was kind of dreading the CAT scan cause the last time I had it done was three years ago and I ended up having an allergic reaction from the IV Dye they inject through your veins during the test. All they have to do is give me a Benadryl afterwards and I should be fine. By the time I’m done with the CT scan, I’ll be ready for the Bone scan, so, win win. They took me back and started going over how the CT scan works, then asked if I was allergic to anything. Well, of course I am. I told her I was allergic to four different medicines including the IV DYE they use for CAT scans. She asked if I took any pre-medication for the allergic reaction. I looked at her confused and shook my head no. I didn’t know I needed to? Because of this, the lady told me that they could not do the CT/CAT scan today and that i’ll have to reschedule. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NOT AGAIN! The CT scan was the most important cause this test will tell the Oncologists how big my Tumor is, how much cancer is in my body and where. We didn’t have time for this. I asked her if they could just do the test and give my a Benadryl like last time. She said, if they know I am allergic to the DYE, then legally they cannot do the test. I have to have my doctor prescribe me Prednisone, which opens my airways, and Benadryl to counteract the reaction. Even if I got it within the hour, the lady said it takes 12 hours to properly take affect. Yet again, another hick-up in all this mess. The lady took out my IV and I was sent back to the waiting room. I told my mom what happened and she was TICKED! Unfortunately, my Oncologist at the University Cancer & Blood Center was the one that scheduled my CT scan. It was their responsibility to inform and prescribe me the medicine, but they never sent in my allergies to Gwinnett Medical, so no one knew. Because it was already past 5pm, my Doctor’s office was already closed, so we had to get rolled over to who ever was On-Call at the time. We were hoping we would have been able to talk to Dr. Nik, but instead we got the other Oncologist named Dr. Huang. She was a freakin B****! As soon as she answered the phone, I could hear in her voice that she was mad, upset, PMSing, or something. She did NOT want to help me in the slightest bit. I told her the situation, I told I was a patient of Dr. Nik’s and that I needed this medicine ASAP so they could schedule me in for tomorrow. She just said there was nothing she could do and for me to pretty much, figure it out myself. I quickly gave my mom the phone, knowing she would be able to attack this nasty woman. I could hear my mom raise her voice over the phone. When my mom hung up, she was so ticked off. She told me that Dr. Huang didn’t want to help up, didn’t want to prescribe me the medicine I needed, and had a bad attitude the whole time. Eventually my mom got through to her and she asked my mom, with a rude attitude, what medicine I needed, how many MGs, which pharmacy it needed to be sent to, and why the heck was I going to their facility to be treated when I didn’t even live in Athens. Um, first off, we told her what I needed when we were trying to explain what was going on, second, she’s the doctor so shouldn’t she know how many MGs I needed the dosage to be? Thirdly, when my mom told her that we needed it to be sent to the Walgreens in Grayson, she went on a rage asking why I needed it to be sent there and why I don’t live in Athens. And lastly, what really got under my mom’s skin was when she said there was no reason I should be getting treatment from their facilities when I don’t even live in Athens. She asked my mom why I couldn’t get treatment somewhere closer to where I live. Why the HECK does it matter that I chose to get treatment in Athens? Why should my mom or I have to explain our selves on WHY we chose to get treatment from Dr. Nik? It was so stupid and left us even more exhausted. She was definitely going to be ratted on once I saw Dr. Nik on Monday. My mom talked to the lady at the front desk to see if she could squeeze me in for a CT scan tomorrow at 3:30pm. But we were too late. The scheduling department closed 5 minutes ago at 6pm, so we needed to call tomorrow bright and early to get a spot. Ugh...
The guy doing the Bone scan was super nice. He was slow paced, which was nice for a change. He didn’t make me feel rushed or anxious.He took me and my mom to a different room in the back and had me wait another 15 minutes while he set up the machine. It was pretty relaxing. I didn’t have to undress, just lay on my back and the machine did all the work. I think it took maybe 30 minutes? I don’t remember cause I ended up falling asleep a little during the scanning. Oops... The guy was nice about it though, said he got everything he needed and I needed to get as much rest as I could. That I did.
My mom took me back to her house where I ate dinner and waited for Spence to pick me up. We already picked up my medicine for the CT scan (hopefully) tomorrow. The instructions indicated that I needed to wake up at 2pm to take my first dose of the Prednisone, then another dose with Benadryl two hours before the appointment. Easy enough. Before leaving, my breathing was becoming heavy and I felt like I was hyperventilating. The pressure from the PORT tube was still bothering me, more and more every night. I was constantly trying to move the tube away from my air way to see if it would make it easier to breath, but didn’t really work. On my way home, I told Spence that if for any reason I told him to take me to the ER, don’t hesitate to take me. Just in case I couldn’t keep myself breathing. That’s how bad it felt. As I laid in bed, I spent an hour trying to find a comfortable position where I could finally fall asleep. It didn’t take long for my alarm to go off telling me to take my medicine. I didn’t want to go straight back to sleep cause I didn’t know how the Prednisone would affect me. As I laid there, I could feel myself falling asleep a little, but I also felt a weird sensation like I couldn’t tell if I was breathing or not. I was waking up gasping for air just to make sure I really was breathing. I didn’t know if that was normal or not, but eventually my eyes couldn’t keep me awake any longer and I slipped into a deep sleep.

Too Early: 02/17/2017
Spence and I had a VERY early morning. We needed to leave the house around 7am to make it to my ECHO appointment at Athens Regional at 8:30am. OMG, so early! I was actually very surprised that we made it on time. Athens usually takes about an hour to get to without traffic, so that was relieving. I’ve never been to Piedmont Athens Regional, but by first impressions, it was really nice. To sign in for my appointment, I just needed to use their electronic sign in and wait until I’m called. The receptionist was very nice and directed us to the right place for my Echo. The guy in that area was also very bubbly and nice for someone who had to be there so early. I could never be a morning person like him. He took our parking ticket and said we didn’t have to pay anything since I was a patient, and he was nice enough to compliment my beautiful hair. He liked the blonde streak I had in it since last year. Of course it made me feel a little depressed cause the Chemo was about to take my hair away from me, but he didn’t know and I was appreciative for his compliment. I told him he should dye his hair fun colors and go on a trip. That would make it fun and memorable...
The ECHO was so awesome. Spence stayed with me in the room as the lady preformed the ECHO scan. It was similar to an ultra sound, but a little more stronger and for the heart. The lady let us watch and she explained step by step EVERYTHING she was doing and seeing. It was very educational and helped me understand the importance of this exam. The doctors want to make sure that my heart is strong enough and working properly so when I receive Chemo, there should be no complications. It was a simple procedure and didn’t take long. Afterwards we went for lunch, then headed to the University Cancer & Blood Center for my Chemo 101 class. It wasn’t really a class, more like a one on one informational meeting on what to expect, what I can/cannot do, what I should eat, and what to prepare for if the worst should happen while i’m at home. My mom met us there so she could be apart of the meeting. We were there for a while and tried rushing towards the end cause my mom needed to take me back to Gwinnett Medical for my CT/CAT scan. She called earlier that morning and was able to get me in, again, at 3:30pm. They said it should only take about 10-20 minutes since my paperwork is complete and as long as I took my pre-medicine, there should be no complications.
Back at Gwinnett Medical, they called me back and prepped me for the CT scan. I had to get stuck again with another needle, which I kinda made a bit of a mess with my blood. I think it was just fed up with all the pricking and medicine going through my body, it wanted to make it difficult for the doctor. As the lady was talking to me, she wanted to gather as much information as why I needed this test. I think she was also just concerned that I was a young woman and it was noted in my charts that the reason was for Breast Cancer. I told her the story and she was just getting so livid about the whole thing. She accidentally cursed, then apologized immediately after. There was no reason for her to apologizing for feeling the way she did. I’m glad that other doctors feel that way and are telling me to seek out an Attorney, which my mom already did a few days ago. We were still waiting to hear back from him since he had to send my case to a Malpractice Attorney for further investigation. The CT scan was another quick exam. I had no allergic reaction towards the IV DYE, thanks to the Benadryl I took earlier, and we were out of there within an hour in a half. Again, mom took me back to her house where I waited for Spence to pick me up. We stayed for a few hours, like always, and enjoyed dinner and talking. I wanted to leave a littler earlier than we did, but I started having more breathing problems again. Only this time, as I was sitting at the kitchen table, I was having frequent chills go through my body even though I felt like I was sweating. I felt like I was hyperventilating or having hot flashes, and shortness of breath. My mom asked if I wanted to go to the ER since that was the only place that would be open at 12am. I thought about it, but all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. I tried sitting on the couch, but I couldn’t lay down, I couldn’t even sit back without a pillow on my back keeping my straight up. My mom looked up on her phone what could be causing the PORT to make me feel this way. Of course there would be risks or accidental punctures over time if the PORT was not placed in the correct way or area. Being that I had the PORT inserted at Longstreet, and we already know their reputation, did we really want to risk it? What if there was a small puncture in my lung from the tube causing my breathing problems? Did I really want to risk having the toxic Chemo medicine go down that tube? Not really... I woke Spence up since he fell asleep on the couch (nothing new) and told him mom was taking me to the ER. He was going to go home to let our dog out and wait for my call to pick me up afterwards. He could catch up on sleep for a little while since, anyone that goes to the ER, knows it’ll be a few hours before they even see me. You would think that if someone came in having breathing problems, they would take you back immediately.

A Visit To The ER!
Gwinnett Medical wasn’t that far away from my mom’s house, maybe 15 minutes? It didn’t look like there were that many people waiting for Doctors; just people waiting to go back and see their loved ones. I was hoping it would be quick getting back, especially after 20-30 minutes a nurse came to my seat to take vitals. But no, it took almost another hour to be called, and all I kept trying to do was focus on my breathing. I help my finger to my neck where the tube was, trying to move it somehow so it wasn’t so painful taking a deep breath. I don’t know if it was the shortness of breath, or if I was just so tired from the day that was making me feel like an airhead when I tried walking. They finally called me back to a private room where they could ask me specific questions and take blood. Three different people came in asking me the same question. I honestly didn’t have it in me to repeat myself, so i’m thankful that my mom was there to do it for me. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just couldn’t catch my breath. It was a young girl that tried getting my blood. First she tried my right arm, but the blood flow was too slow and after two vials, it started to show clotting in my blood which meant the test results would come back inconclusive. The bandaged me up, then tried my left arm. As soon as she stuck the needle in, blood shot E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E! It was coming out so fast she didn’t have time to stop it. She just tried getting the vials in place so she could salvage as much blood she could get. It ran all down my arm, onto the chair I was sitting on, down into the cracks and made a puddle on the floor. I laughed and said sorry, even though the nurse was the one that kept apologizing. I didn’t mean to make her night difficult. Luckily, I’m not wheezy when it comes to blood and gore. I just wish my mom got it on camera, ha... A nice male nurse wheeled me back in a wheelchair to the emergency ER room since there were no other rooms available. He half way prepared me for an X-ray exam, leaving off a set of vital sign sticky plugs he was suppose to put under my boob. A female nurse came in and said he’s a super sweet guy that wouldn’t put them there himself unless it was a dyer emergency situation, which was why she put them on for me; something about my age. Either way, he seemed like a very respectable male nurse in my opinion. I’ve had so many people touching and looking at my boobs all week, it didn’t seem to phase me anymore. And when I say “people”, I meant “doctors”. ONLY Doctor, just to clear that up. I was again wheeled to another room and took two or three different X-rays of my chest and upper neck region so the doctor could see if the PORT and tube were placed properly. When I came back, the nurse took more blood from the IV that was left in my arm from earlier. They checked my white blood count which seemed to be a little high. The normal number was 12, but mine came out to 19. They said it could definitely be from the Prednisone and Benadryl I took many hours ago. Either way, the x-ray looked fine, the PORT looked to be inserted correctly, and there was nothing to be concerned about my blood. So why was I still having difficulty breathing? They couldn’t say, but it could still be from the swelling inside which could take a few weeks for my body to get use to the PORT being there. Sigh... They gave me my discharge papers and we were out of there around 4am. We waited a while for Spence to pick me up half way at a Kroger parking lot. Apparently he fell back asleep after mom called him while we were still in the Hospital. Not surprising. If I wasn’t so stubborn and wanting to be comfortable in my own home, I would have gone back with my mom to her house and had Spence pick me up in the afternoon. But I am stubborn and I did want to go home, so we waited and waited and waited... Oh Spence :)
I don’t know why, but that night was probably the best nights sleep i’ve gotten since the PORT was put in. I made my blanket into a cocoon and make a small blanket into a neck brace that help keep my neck still and level. I slept like a baby and was grateful that Spence let me sleep until 3pm. It was finally the weekend and I could FINALLY sleep, rest, relax, and regenerate my strength. Because Monday, was the first day of CHEMO.

Over The First Hump... Chemo Day! 02/20/2017
The weekend seemed to go by way too fast. Spence and I didn’t get much sleep, maybe two hours for me and one hour for him. There was a lot on my mind, and my nerves were getting the best of me. Spence was up working some, then came in to make food for us for tomorrow while we were at my Chemo appointment, then came in to bed to watch a movie with me. The medicine I had to take kept me up, like the doctors said it would. I needed to take four steroid pills to boost my white blood count so i’ll be strong enough to take on the toxic Chemo drugs in the morning.
I had to be at the University Cancer & Blood Center at 8am for my physical exam, blood testing, meeting with Dr. Nik, then the start of my Chemo treatment. As we were sitting in the waiting room, I started feeling sick. My head was hurting, my stomach was aching, I was nervous and a little scared of not knowing what’s going to happen. I was called back so they could get some blood samples from my finger. They needed to check my CBC (complete blood count) to make sure everything was normal, including my kidney and liver functions. If anything came back out of the ordinary, they would not allow me to do Chemo today. Understandable... After my blood test, they brought us back into a room to talk with Dr. Nik. It wasn’t a long meeting. He was still missing the reports from my Ct/CAT scan. But what he could tell me about it was that, in the CT scan, it showed my lymph nodes were enlarged/swollen, but didn’t look like they were consumed by cancer. Which could definitely be a great thing! That meant I wouldn’t need Radiation after all this was done. He wasn’t for certain, and didn’t want to give me anymore info until he had the whole Pathology report in his hands. He walked me and Spence to my private room where I would be having the Chemo treatment. It was a small room, but at least it was away from everyone else and I had my own TV. I brought some movies we could watch until my mom came to take Spence’s place. They had my medicine schedule hanging from the IV pole next to my recliner chair. The first thing was for me to take three more steroid pills for my white blood cells, a nausea pill that lasts five days, and to hold a cold pack on my chest where my PORT was. They wouldn’t let me use the numbing cream until I was past the two week mark from placement due to possible infection. Once the area was numb from the ice pack, the nurse stuck the special PORT needle in pretty quick. I barely felt a thing. She secured and flushed the tube, then fed Benadryl and Pepcid first, which took maybe 10 minutes to empty the bag. Then came the hard stuff. Pertuzumab was first on the Chemo list. They wanted to feed it slowly in case I were to have a reaction to it, so it took a little less than an hour for the bag to empty. During that time, we had a movie playing that wasn’t very interesting, so I mostly stayed on the computer while Spence took a nap. Mentally, I felt exhausted and wanted to sleep, but with the steroids and medicine pumping through me, I just couldn’t close my eyes. When the medicine bag empties, it makes a beeping noise which lets the nurses know it’s time for my next dose. Sometimes we push the emergency button on the wall so they know which room the beeping is coming from. Plus, it makes them come running into the room faster. Next up was an hour intermission of Sodium Chloride and Acetaminophen fluids. I think once the nurses felt more comfortable about administering the meds, they upped the speed so it would pump faster into my PORT. It just seemed like I was going through the bags a lot quicker than what they originally said. Plus, I was getting up to go to the bathroom at least 3 times an hour.
I didn’t particularly like going out of my room to get to the bathroom. When you walk out, there’s a large commons area where everyone else sits in chairs for their session. I was the only one not in their 60-80’s that was there for treatment. Walking past them I could feel them staring at me with sad eyes. I hate being pitied or judged for my age, and that’s exactly how they made me feel. Walking through I tried not to make too much eye contact, plus the lights were really bright since we kept our room light off.
The next round was Herceptin for 90 minutes. Again, it didn’t seem like it took that long, mainly because of Facebook. Next up was the Taxotere for one hour, then finally Carboplatin for 45 minutes. My mom arrived in the middle of Taxotere. It was nice that Spence stayed with me for as long as he did (even though he slept the entire time). I knew he had a lot of work he needed to catch up on, which was why my mom was coming towards the end to take me back to her house. After the last dose was finished, the nurse came in to take the IV line out of my PORT. Another smooth, non painful task. Last on the list was for the nurse to go over the instructions for my Neulasta Kit. Neulasta Onpro is a kit that includes a co-packaged single dose of Neulasta and a single-use On-body Injector, a small, lightweight delivery system applied to the skin during the chemo appointment. It’s designed to automatically administer Neulasta the next day, so that you won’t have to return to the doctor just for a shot of Neulasta. It’s imperative that I receive this injection so it keeps my immune system and white blood count up to ward off infection. The kit was about the size of a tick-tac box. The nurse injected the medicine into it, then taped it to my arm. Once it was on my arm, it started making a beeping noise, indicating it was on. Seconds later the beeping turned into a sound like gears turning inside. I wasn’t sure how many clicks it took before the needle goes into my arm, so I was trying to brace myself (as you can see in the video my mom tagged me in). It didn’t hurt, just a surprise. It felt like a rubber band snapping on your arm, which was nothing. After that, I was free to go home after picking up my home medications.
Once at my mom’s house, we started talking about cutting my hair. I made a plan that after my first Chemo, I would cut my hair; not too short, but enough to where it wouldn’t be so drastic once it started coming out in chunks. I tried drawing out the hair cut I wanted my mom to do for me, but it just wasn’t coming out right when she started. So I took the scissors and locked myself in the bathroom. I cut it a bit shorter than I originally wanted to, but all in all, it came out great! Mom just got the back ends where I couldn’t reach, and that was that. New Hair style! It’s been 17 years since I had a “real” hair cut. I was 9 years old when I trusted a lady to cut my hair shoulder length, and I absolutely hated it! Growing it out was a miserable endeavor. I was born with shoulder length hair, and have always had hair that went passed my butt as a kid. So, it was important to me. But now, with everything i’m going through and will be going through, it’s just another test that life wants me to overcome. I know once this is all over with, i’ll come out as a stronger person who can conquer anything.
I’m not sure when all my hair will start falling out, but the moment it does, Spence and I have another hair style we were planning on doing ;) Stay tuned!

What A Week.... 02/20-02/26/2017
The first week is finally over with. I gotta say, it wasn’t a walk in the park. I knew throughout the the week, the meds from the Chemo would kick in and start affecting my body, but I didn’t think it would gradually get worse and worse everyday. I guess I was hoping that I would start feeling the affects by the third day, then start getting better after that... But no, it just kept going down hill like a tumbling snowball.
The day after Chemo was like any normal day. Since the Neulasta kit was strapped onto my arm, I was just waiting all day for the thing to finally get injected into my arm. Once it went off, I just pull it off my arm and dispose of the kit. Simple as that.
By the third day, my muscles were aching... real bad. I was told that that would be a major side affect of the Neulasta and that I should take Claritin to counteract the pain. Even after taking the meds, it didn’t seem to do any good. On top of the aching joints, I felt like I was starting to get the Flu; which meant the Chemo was starting to kick in. Honestly, it felt like death. My head was pounding, my bones and joints were in so much pain, everything made me want to throw up, and I just felt overly exhausted. On a good note, I wasn’t vomiting and I didn’t have a fever. I tried taking Tylenol and nausea medicine to help, but nothing seemed to offset my joints. I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t lay down, I couldn’t walk or move without feeling uncomfortable. That night, I barely got any sleep.
The morning was the same... Horrible, with a hint of agony. I started noticing my face getting a little blotchy and red. It seemed a little sore at first, and when I went to look in the mirror... OMG! I was having a complete outbreak all over my face and chest! I have never had seriously bad acne as a kid, so this was terrifying for me. My face was swelling up like a tomato. I called the Doctor, but they said it was a normal reaction to one of the Chemo drugs I was given. If that’s the case, this treatment just got a whole lot worse. I might be able to handle losing my hair and wearing a wig, but if my face was going to be covered in hive invested pimples... How could I stand to go out in public? Lease I could say, this entire week was miserable for me. No sleep, no food, just pain.
The only good parts of the week seemed to be when my mom came over to check up on me and to make us dinner. I also recently acquired a Ninja juicer from my Great Aunt, so my mom showed us how to use it and brought over a lot of food to use for it. So that was nice... Instead of making every feel bad for me by me talking about the miserable week, I’ll fast forward to Monday...

Monday Check Up: 02/27/2017
My appointment was for a routine check-up for my Oncologist to check my blood and make sure i’m dealing with the first week of Chemo decently. We were running about 20 minutes late (typical), but they were nice enough to get me back pretty quick. Since my appointment was in the late afternoon, there weren’t many patients currently there. After getting blood drawn and getting sent back to a room, Dr. Nik’s nurse practitioner, Kristen, came in to give me my results. She had a concerned look on her face, probably because of what my pimply face looked like and how tired I seemed. I told her what i’ve been going through the past week, and how miserable it’s been. She prescribed me some ointment for my face to take care out the rashy outbreak, and recommended I get some fluids in me today. Also on a good note, my White Blood count was normal. Which was great news... It was an easy enough day. After getting my fluids pumped through my PORT, we left to get lunch and headed home. I did feel a little better after getting the fluids. The rest of the day I just relaxed and took some Melatonin before going to bed. It was a very good nights sleep for me. Which was the first all week. I think things are finally looking up... Finally.

What An Emotional Ride 03/08/17 
After receiving the fluids and getting a good night’s sleep, I could feel myself getting better day by day. However, the Melatonin was starting to give me severe headaches in the morning, so once I stopped taking them, my headaches seemed to get better. As the second week continued, so did my appetite and my mental stability. Spence and I decided that after coming home from my check up, it was time to buzz my hair off. It wasn’t something I was “ready” for, but I was getting tired of hair falling out every time I scratched my scalp. It was also getting very itchy and dry. After watching a Redbox, I grabbed the clippers and scissors and handed them to Spence. I’ve gotta say, at first I was a little nervous, but as he shaved my head (avoiding the middle), It started coming out better than I thought. I had to trim the top and make it even, cause of course it was going to be a Mohawk! It was one of those (hopefully) once in a life time opportunities where me and my boyfriend could match as a loving couple. He was so impressed with the outcome, he kept saying how much he loved the mohawk on me more than the short hair I previously had. For those of you keeping up with my Facebook Posts, I’m sure you’ve already seen the pictures I posted a few weeks ago. Surprisingly, I agree with Spence. I wish we would have buzzed my hair off sooner so I would have been able to dye it Pink. It was too late now. The bleach would have just made my hair fall out faster. Sigh... Either way, the mohawk was awesome in my opinion! It’s weird how a certain hair cut can make a world of a difference when it comes to boosting confidence.
As the third week came, I was finally able to eat normal food without feeling nauseas. Cereal, Pizza, my MorningStar.... Ice cream. Not a lot! Of course I was making changes to my appetite and making sure I was eating as healthy as possible. Throughout the first week, I lost 7 pounds, and by the end of the third week, I gained it all back! I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but the doctors seemed to like the fact that I was back to my starting weight. I was still a little drowsy the second week, but by the start of the third week, It was like I was almost back to normal. Spence’s sister, Whitney and I decided that it was time to look at wigs. Earlier in the week I received a call from my insurance saying that they would cover up to $700 on a wig for me! Which was awesome, since I know they run a bit expensive. We ended up going to the Mall of Ga to walk around, have a girl’s night out, and shop for wigs. We spent about three or so hours at Heads & Hair. It was a nice shop with many different options to check out. Way better than the first place we went to earlier. They had different colors, lengths, synthetic and real hair. The real hair was nothing impressive in my opinion; just super expensive. The first real hair wig cost about $1000, where as the synthetic hair was only $50-$100. Which in my opinion, the synthetic hair seemed to be a little better and less maintenance in the long run. Plus, with it being cheap, I could just pay out of pocket for the wig and find another that’s a bit more expensive. As Me and Whitney shopped around, we picked out about five wigs that seemed the nicest and realistic. I never knew how hard it was to match a wig up with my face. Nothing seemed to really stand out and look the most natural. The lady running the store was the nicest and most helpful lady. She was so encouraging and let us have our space while trying them on. It was a little emotional, especially when we started talking to the lady, Ana, about our Cancer journey. It amazes me how we constantly run into these incredible people and just have an immediate connection. We shared a few tears, hugged it out, and spent another grueling hour trying to decided which wig I wanted to get. At first I thought it was an easy choice, until I sent the picture of the wig to Spence. Who wasn’t exactly impressed with the color choice of the Amber/Reddish wig. Ana went to the back of the store and pulled out a Dark brown wig with high lights that seemed to match my former long natural hair. Unfortunately, that was the start of the complicated decision. But thanks to the most supporting friends and family I have on Facebook, I was able to decide! The brown wig just seemed to go with my natural look in the end. I have not been able to wear the wig yet, mainly because I don’t want to disturbed my mohawk. I’ve been keeping it in place with hair gel and hair spray so it wouldn’t move or hair fall out as much... All in all, what an accomplishing day.

Round 2 of Chemo! 03/13/17
I was a little excited to go to my 2nd Chemo session. I wanted to show off my Mohawk since the last time I was there, I just had my short hair.
We got there about 30 minutes late, but that didn’t seem to slow the waiting process. They had us back within 10 minutes to the room where they could take my blood. If something negative showed up on my blood test, then they would have to postpone my Chemo treatment. Luckily, everything was perfect and they got me back to the Doctor’s room to wait. It took a little while, but once Dr. Nik came in to talk with us, he got straight to the point. He wanted to go through all the medicine I had and have been taking. He didn’t want me going through the same side affects I did in the beginning... Which was miserable. So it was nice that we went over the meds and was able to talk about what I could and could not take.
As they took me back to the Chemo room, we weren’t lucky enough to get a private room this time. Which wasn’t so bad. The room we were in was small, but had three other patients in chairs. Two were young, maybe in their 30’s, and one older lady in her 70’s? This was the first time i’ve seen someone young getting treatment. All three were in for something other than Breast Cancer. One girl had Colon Cancer, the other girl had Liver Cancer, and as for the older lady, I never got a chance to hear what she was in for. It was kind of nice to know I wasn’t the youngest person going through treatment, even though it’s kinda sad. We talked to them for a little while, just sharing our stories and listening to what we’ve been through. It was quite interesting, but eventually we got back to watching a movie on my laptop, until Spence fell asleep... again.
We ended up leaving 20 minutes later than my last Chemo session. I was hoping this time would have been a bit faster since I didn’t need an extra hour of meds, like last time. But, we made it out and headed back home through the Athens traffic.

Week Four... Here We Go!
I should have known this week was going to be miserable... Again. However, it’s not as bad as it was the first time around. Tuesday I woke up dizzy, nauseas, and overly tired. I just stayed in bed all day, sleeping. I made sure to take all my meds early and on time. Towards the end of the night, my Neulasta went off, making me dread the next coming nights. Remembering what happened last time, I was definitely not looking forward to the side affects.
So far it hasn’t been too bad. Wednesday wasn’t horrible, just another long exhausting day of sleeping. Crackers and water were about the only thing I could manage to eat without feeling nauseas. Today, being Thursday, has been the first day i’ve made it out into the living room, watched tv and ate real food. I didn’t have to take my nausea medicine today. I’ve noticed that it makes me a little drowsy, which could be the reason why I’ve been sleeping all day the past two days. I’m hoping that this time around i’ll have a faster recovery rate since everyone tells me it gets better with time? Maybe... Another unfortunate event i’ve noticed today after wearing a beanie all day, is my hair is coming out a LOT more. I’m starting to get a bald patch on my forehead where my mohawk starts... Sigh. I guess you can call it a receding hair line? Which means we are going to have to shave my mohawk off! It’s such a sad moment. I’m very fond of it now. Awe... Another day, another emotional rollercoaster.

Patients and Confidence 3/14 - 4/02 *UPDATED*
Say goodbye to the Mohawk... We decided to shave the entire thing off. Gel and hairspray was not enough to keep it from not moving or falling out. Spence seemed to have a little too much fun with the clippers and made me look like my dad! Honestly, it wasn’t flattering lol.
Towards the end of the night, I took my shaver and shaved the rest of the mini hairs off my scalp. I’ve gotta say, my head never felt so SOFT! It was as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I couldn’t stop rubbing my head. That may sound a little weird, but I’ve never been bald in my entire life. Even as a new born, I had hair down to the middle of my neck. However, the next couple of days, I noticed something. With all my hair completely gone, I noticed how CHILLY it was! I had to wear a beanie for a few days because of the draft. The next night we were preparing to go out to dinner for Whitney’s husband’s birthday. It was the first time I got to wear my new wig out in public. I’ve gotta say, I did feel a little self conscious the whole night. The wig itself didn’t look bad, but I think the fact that “I” knew it was fake made me feel like everyone was staring and judging me. It’s just something i’m not use to yet...
That weekend was probably the worst i’ve experienced since the beginning of my treatment. It was like week one all over again. The nausea, the dizziness, the headaches; I was bed ridden for the next three days. It was strange, cause I was suppose to start feeling a little better by the second week. My follow-up at the University Cancer Center was on Monday, which I was kind of thankful for. On Sunday, I felt so drained and light headed that when I tried taking a shower, I had a slight moment of blacking out. I needed Spence’s help that night just walking me to the bathroom and back to bed. I knew this was a case of dehydration. Even though I was drinking a lot of water through out the week, it wasn’t enough. I will admit, I’ve been slacking on the smoothies this time around, so it’s possible I just wasn’t getting enough nutrition... Whitney was generous enough to take me to my check-up Monday morning. I was so out of it. When we arrived, I was wearing sun glasses and barely able to walk. My nurse practitioner seemed very concerned the moment she saw me. I told her that I think having some fluids today would help rehydrate me and get me back to feeling a bit better. I sluggishly made my way to the back where I would normally have my chemo treatment. The nurses hooked up an IV to my Port and started the bag of fluids. Whitney stayed by my side for the whole hour reading magazines while I slept. The time seemed to go by too fast, cause by the time I knew it, I was being woken up by the beeping noise that indicated the machine was done. I still wasn’t feeling any better, but I knew I just had to drink more and rest. Spence picked me up once we got back to his sister’s house, took me home, and slept the rest of the day until the morning. It wasn’t until Thursday that I started feeling a little better, moving around, and eating more... About time, cause Friday was me and Spence’s 5 year anniversary. I would have felt terrible if we couldn’t enjoy that special day together. I was feeling well enough for us to go to the movies and enjoy the rest of our evening at home.
As the third week came along, I had another check-up on Monday at the Cancer center. My nurse practitioner just wanted to make sure my blood results were back to normal and I was feeling better than last week. Which I was. I love the third week after Chemo. My taste buds are back to normal so I can eat what I want, clean house, drive, exercise, and help Spence some with the business. The only dreadful part is knowing that the following week is Chemo again and i’ll be back to feeling like a miserable zombie. So I try to make the best of my good week. Besides the first two weeks, it wasn’t all terrible. Just another rollercoaster ride I didn’t throw up on.
Spence has been the best supporter I could have ever asked to go through this with. With cutting my hair short, to making it into a mohawk, to shaving it baby smooth; he’s always made me feel beautiful. Emotionally, it was a challenge for me, and still is. But my confidence has gone up more and more to where I don’t feel the need to wear my wig or a hat. Of course I still feel the eyes linger on me as I pass the strangers in the grocery store or on the street, but if they are going to judge me based on having no hair and lack of understanding, then shame on them. Besides, I’ve come to realize that having no hair is amazing! No more shaving my legs, underarms, etc. And I’ve been fortunate enough that I still have my arm hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. Couldn’t have asked for better timing since Summer is just around the corner!