Raising money for a scooter

Hey guys, I cant tell you how much I hate asking for help. After I got sober and got my head on right, all I wanted was to be back home with my son and be financially responsible for him. As most of you know, I got that opportunity last January and have been glued to his hip ever since. Unfortunately, God had some more trials for me to grow through.

I am on the upside of things now, only getting treatment once a month and finally working again, so my health is surprisingly not why I am raising money.

A side effect of cancer led to me losing almost 100% of my vision

Melanoma-associated retinopathy.

What happens is your body gets super confused while going through cancer, so it starts fighting itself. For me, this took place in my optic nerves.

Your optic nerves are like a bunch of wires behind your eyeballs that attach to the brain, sending it the information you see. That is how we know a circle from a square etc.

We will use the wires behind the tv as an example.

If you mix up the red and white, you end up with sound and no visual or visual and no sound. Damaged wires can lose connection completely.

It is an insanely rare, not cool to me but cool to everyone else, story I would love to share with anyone that wants to know!

The first thing that went was night vision; if you are genuinely night blind like me, message me cause I have some pretty incredible tips and tricks.

Next was color, then depth, peripheral. And the hardest one of all, my left eye.

I began on this journey on May 25th, 2021

By July, my doctors had told me I couldn't continue working; between the constant vomiting and always out of town in Salt Lake City I should have listened sooner. It didn't take too many more mid shifts pukes and "hey sorry, they are keeping me in Utah another week" before I followed the doctor's orders.

I started up my own cleaning business to keep an income while guarding my health since I had no immune system. It blew up quickly, I found myself blessed, stressed and impressed by how it took off. It wasn't very long after my business opened before I was forced to close the doors. While only telling the world the bare minimum of my health struggles, I felt it necessary to inform any clients what was going on. I needed to feel comfortable enough to listen to my body and let them know when my limit was reached. But I also needed my clients to not carry pity with them, allowing a job to go half done due to feeling sorry for me.

By December, my vision had drastically worsened, forcing me to close shop.

By January, I had lost all vision in my left and had about 25% remaining in the right. We got rid of my car since we were made very clear that when damage occurs to the optic nerves, there is no repairing. You cant repair or replace optic nerves. Only stop the damager from continuing.

By my birthday, January 15th, 2022, almost a year since I returned home to be with the most unique, kind, enthusiastic, best kid I know, I lost everything I worked for yet again.

To make money, you need money. For me, that is a problem when it comes to transportation. Without a vehicle, I cannot apply for work more than a mile away. (We don't have uber, I can't depend on anyone else, and I walk a mile to the hospital, then a mile home every time I have treatments.) So I know I can at least handle/survive/not get run over for a mile, give or take.

The day I discovered my vision was, by some insane miracle, slowly increased as if I had been given a second chance in life.

That's when I started up a small business making and selling decals.

Loved that way more than I should. I was good; I believed I could make an honest career. But, rather than set money aside, I was spending it faster than it was coming in on more supplies.

I had so much faith in myself that I jumped on it when given the last-minute opportunity to have a booth at a fair. With less than 24 hours' notice to the time I had to be set up, I ended up working for 48 hours straight. I called my other work to say I wouldn't be in, and hit the ground running.

I can say this honestly and unboastfully

I have never worked so hard and with so much passion in my life. I believed that if I gave it my absolute best and pushed through all the pain and exhaustion, I would be able to make a career out of this. I just needed one weekend to go as I wanted to get back on track to building a life for my son and me.

As much as I dont want nor enjoy sharing this with anyone, I feel it's necessary now as the more I try to juggle alone, the worse things get.

To say I failed is an understatement

After the phone call on thursday, I stayed up all through the night working as hard and fast as possible since I had no product on hand. I borrowed money to buy materials, confident I would easily make it back. Even with everything fighting me, I arrived Friday, sat up but unfortenelty sold not a single item.

Determinded that Saturday would be better, I spent all night(again) fixing everything I believed was the answer to not even a single sale.

Still running on no sleep, Redbull and outter pops, I jumped in the shower where I fell asleep, only to wake up as my ride arrived. As I scrambled to get everything I worked so hard the night before out the door. My product, cell phone, and I tripped and flew out the front door, leaving my iPhone shattered and unusable.

Still determined, I had no idea how the day would go once I was dropped off and had no way to contact anyone. Finally, however, I thought the worst was out of the way.

We all know when it comes to bad days, they tend to be drawn to me ALOT

After it was finally over, I was overwhelmed with self-doubt and failure.

Having my son there for the last half was just peachy since all I want is to be someone he is proud of

Not only did I not make enough to cover the booth rental, which was a whole $50, but now more in debt, and my soul was crushed.

I will no longer be self-employed

Or putting any faith that I can ever make something out of nothing.

I believed no matter how often I got my face kicked into the sand, I just had to get back up one more time, and things would get brighter.

I threw out my old goals with my entire business Saturday night after the event ended.

No that is not an exaggeration, it is me being honest. I took a huge chance on myself when I was not at a place in life to do so.

I lost anything I had left after beating cancer and getting a second chance with my sight the day my very excited ten-year-old came to watch me fail as a business owner and father.

This is me giving up hope that I may amount to something more and accepting the life I am stuck with.

Now that I have dug myself deeper

Disability nowhere in sight

Being completely alone in this town, those who said not to worry we were in this together are no longer "helping."

So it's me, and maybe a few of you that can help a struggling, angry, depressed dad just trying to stay near his kiddo

While I apply for jobs throughout Twin Falls I am also applying for rooms to rent. To do either, I need an affordable, realistic, reliable means of transportation. I have researched the best available commuting scooters, which are around $400. I cant wait till I can save up, I have borrowed money from all my loved ones for a business I sunk, but I have too much to lose by just giving up and not asking for help.

So here I give you all the darkness I have been carrying behind my back with one hand while I portray a happy, successful life to the outside world

I am trying to get my life back, and I need someone to throw me out a life vest to catch my breath before the next wave.

I dont want your pity

Or your last 20 dollars, if you have a couple of extra bucks, cool, but don't go without for me

I know everyone is going through trials right now, I can't offer much but am willing to work for it