Sharlene Johnson

"It was just a normal day when we found out about the cancer. Mom thought she was going to have to have her gallbladder removed but then while she was all alone the ER Dr. told her that it was cancer. First thing mom told that Dr. was I guess I have some things to take care of. Thank you. Little did we know the cancer had already spread to five different areas and was two different kinds of cancer. She knew right away that she wanted to fight. She was given two months but she fought long and hard. I got to keep my mom for a very short 10 months. I had quit cleaning full-time so that I could take care of her and get her to her chemo treatments. Watching the after math of the chemo treatments was hard....watching my momma that was so happy with life,full of life, that wanted to get up and go, turn to someone who physically couldn’t any longer. The want was there she just wasn’t able. The chemo helped until it didn’t. Boy did we have some of the best days and hardest days when she was on break from the chemo! Mom, sis and I had went the the funeral home. Mom wanted it taken care of before she passed so Sis and I wouldn’t have todo it. We picked out her casket with her……planned her obituary. That next week I took mom to pick out her headstone and paid for her plot at the cemetery…..I had to walk away from momma several times that day for her to not see me upset but she knew. I’ll never forget the day Mom had made the remark after having a really good day, that “she forgot she even had Cancer” then reality of it set in all over again. You could see the devastating hurt and sadness all over her face. She completed 36 rounds of chemo. Most people don’t even make it halfway through that. She was such a Warrior! She continued chemo until her body could no longer handle it. She was so sick from it but it was helping her and she wanted more time with “her babies” Her biggest concerns were still having so many things that she neededand wanted to do, she wanted to see her grandbabies grow. Not once did she question her faith, and if she didn’t she didn’t let me know it. We had went back for the 12 weeks scans and received bad news. The Cancer had started growing again. She was given the okay from the doctor to try some new medicine. It worked for a little while until mom had voiced that for the amount of pain that it took to get from the bed, get dressed, to the car, to the doctors office, do the treatment, come back home and get back in the bed, didnt compare to the relief she was getting from the medicine itself. Momma was tired and it was no longer worth it to her. After the break you could see the toll that the chemo and cancer itself had taken on Momma❤️. She was slower, weaker and stayed in bed a lot more. Those next few days Hospice has been heavy on her mind she just kept on and kept on telling me how tired she was, but she didn’t want to leave me. As hard as it was, I couldn’t be selfish. I told mom that is if that is what she wanted that is what we would. I cried so hard the second I got away from her. Bc although some people have lived in hospice for a long period of time, we knew mommas time was running out. Then the night came that momma had stopped breathing twice. I wasn’t ready and I still needed her. We called an ambulance and they had her stable and ran tests. Next morning Dr. Dorrah came in and told us the most devastating news that Mom’s cancer has spread to her brain. As if our hearts wasn’t already broken, they broke more, deeply. By this time I had already gotten my PCA so I could take care of mom the best way I knew how to. Still didn’t feel that I was doing enough. I wanted so badly to help momma get better, to just have my mom back. The brain cancer had brought on new symptoms I’d never thought I’d see. My momma could no longer control her left eye, didn’t know who people were, where she was, she had split personalities (one being herself and the other being, a small child). We got her home and called hospice the next day and I moved in to be with mom. The days we’re getting harder and harder. Mom’s appetite had started to decrease. She wasn’t interested in eating anymore because it hurt to eat. Pain meds were around the clock now. Momma’s body had started getting weaker and weaker. She went from being proud that she could make it to her front bathroom to being devastated that we had to use her bedside commode, to being just so weak that we had to start using diapers. She didn’t like that and it hurt her self-esteem so bad but I told her repeatedly that I didn’t care todo it. Id do anything in this world for her. All momma could say was “Oh baby I’m so sorry” The closer it got, the more the signs started to become noticeable. She was seeing people who had passed already. Talking to her momma, Ms.Davis. Talking out of her head, I’ll never forget momma saying “Sherry just die with me so we’ll never have to be apart” I knew that was just the brain cancer talking but boy if she only knew how bad I wanted to during that time. I know she’d want me to be strong for my babies. I told momma I couldn’t bc my babies need me just as I feel I need you and she replied with “yes baby you’re right”…..the next sign was the color of her urine went from orange to dark brown….instead of drinking from a straw I was now giving mom liquids through a syringe… mom could no longer lift her legs, her muscle was nonexistent all that was left was her poor skin and bones. But I’d still put lotion on her when it didn’t hurt to touch her. I went from hearing the “I love you too” to just a movement of her eyebrow for her to let me know she could hear me. That day she just stared off into space. The movement of her breathing went from her chest going up and down to her stomach doing it. We had, had the best conversation the day before, it was unbelievable how alert she was. I assumed that was the burst of energy I was warned about! Her breathing was faster that next day. The morning of mommas passing her breathing had slowed but was deeper, she was struggling. I called her hospice nurse and her nurse said she felt that by the signs I was seeing and telling her that mom was in active passing, nurse was on her way for me to call who I need to so I wouldn’t be alone. I called my sister and Aunt Teresa right away. Nurse got here and I gave her the med for the rattling to stop. And then the nurse told me to give Momma a full syringe of the morphine. I didn’t wanna do it. I knew what it meant. I knew my momma was hurting but I didn’t want her to go either. She was my bestfriend. She had taught me everything but how to live without her……what seemed like seconds after I had given it to her, her breathing had slowed and momma had tears coming from the corners of her eyes….I know she didn’t want to leave me. I laid in momma’s hospital bed beside her in her arms with one hand in hers and my head on her chest. I could hear her heartbeat slow and her chest go up and down, and then it all just stopped, my sweet momma was gone.

I remember silencing everything around me that very moment. And it was just me and momma.

Today things still don’t seem real. I still wake up in a panic. I still hear the oxygen tank and the gargling in moms breathing in my sleep.

I’m glad my momma is no longer in pain but God I miss her with my whole being. It hurts so bad.

Momma you went away and part of my heart went with you. I miss you so much and I don’t think I’ll be the same ever again. Part of me died that day. I love you Mom"

That is the story from the eyes of her daughter sherry. Now we're hoping to reach out goal and help save sharlenes house! Please help me family even if it's just a share! Thank you all!