Shelly's Second Surgery
Donation protected
I write this with tears in my eyes. This is Colon Cancer Awareness month. The irony of that isn't lost on me.
A year ago I was facing my first surgery. I had just been told I have cancer & I'll be having surgery March 18. I was scared, overwhelmed, even angry. I had severe complications after that surgery. I spent time in the Cleveland Clinic(CC) ICU and took my first emergency ambulance ride as I was bleeding out. It was a tough time, it's been a tough year. Now again in March 2017 I go in for my second surgery and what I thought would be second will in fact be my last after today's meeting with my surgeon. What has colon cancer and Crohn's taken from me. It has taken away my chance at a normal life, a chance most people take for granted. Today was a harsh blow for Team Larson. We were told by our surgeon that I won't be getting a J pouch. That he and his partner highly suggest not to have it done. Two reasons for this. In my pathology a gene marker in Crohn's patients has shown up in my blood and tissue. Meaning I might not have any symptoms anywhere else currently but that doesn't mean I won't in the future. Second unfortunately the medical care Las Vegas and NV offer aren't what I need. The only ones capable of giving me a J pouch are Dr. Remzi at NYU and my surgeons at Cleveland clinic. I have the 2 best colorectal surgeons in Nevada telling me this. They aren't capable of handling anything that might go wrong with the J pouch. That any complication would need to be done by Cleveland clinic which isn't an option since I'm no longer allowed or covered for "out of state care". This travel "ban" on chronically ill patients that can't help that they live in states without excellent medical care makes me very angry.
This is a sad post unfortunately. I very much wanted a J pouch, a chance to be normal even though that's not normal I could at least look normal. My surgeon looked at me and said you aren't, normal none of this is normal. To at least appear normal on the outside is a gift only those who don't have that luxury see. This is hard and frustrating. My life has been a series of sad events followed by pain. I stopped asking why me when I was 16, because there isn't an answer. It's just life and you can't control that. All you can control is how you conduct yourself through times of pain, heartbreak, tribulation and fear. I have and still choose to be as kind, upbeat and loving to others as I can be. Yes, I'm angry with my body, yes I'm angry with my state and it's medical care, yes I'm angry that my medical care is limited to only my state, yes I'm angry that we are paying more than half of our rent in insurance premiums just to be covered like crap.
This leads me to our next hurdle. Since I do have crap insurance and a super high deductible as my surgeon put it, I'll be expected to pay half of that upfront by Monday and than the rest for 3 months. Now this is only my surgeons half, not the hospital or anesthesiologist. This is also if nothing goes wrong and I have zero complications. We weren't expecting this especially since we have been $500 a co pay for each procedure I have had for the surgery. We come to you and ask one more time if you can donate. please doante, but if you can share this and my story, please.It might be something someone needs to read or hear. To know they aren't alone and if I can't help anyone through a tough time than my suffering is pointless. The only good in pain is easing someone else's. Something I have and will always continue to do no matter what I might be facing at the time. True character is when you're in your own storm but you don't hesitate to pull someone out of theirs. That I can control and that's the only attitude I will ever take. I won't ever blame my god either. He made me, most would say imperfect. Right now how I'm feeling I would say beyond imperfect but for his reasons he placed these things in my life. He sees my beginning and my end. In no way do I ever want to let him down. When it's all said and done I long to hear his words that through it all I was an example of him & his love. That I never lost faith, I didn't waiver and I touched others lives. That's my goal, that I can control. This is very hard to process that I will have an ileostomy for the rest of my life. I'm only 32. It's hard and I'm even embarrassed to type it. My self esteem has bottomed out this past year and having an ileostomy and weight gain has demolished it. Now something I thought was just for my next surgery and a phase will be permanent and for the rest of my life. I will live with it. They will remove my rectum on March 9th. It will be a 4-5 hour procedure hopefully laparoscopic with robot which will be comforting since my first was over 7 hours and waking up from that was like getting hit by a truck. It will be about 6 months of healing and it is an area of high risk infection unfortunately as it heals up so close monitoring and possible little procedures might be done to ensure its healing. Once they remove my rectum we will know if the high grade dysplasia was just a pre-cancer warning or if I have rectal cancer and the stage. This causes me anxiety. The fact that my colon was stage 2 colon cancer makes me weary that my rectum is cancer free. If it is cancer they will start chemotherapy right away while I'm still in recovery from surgery at the hospital. Than depending on the stage I will get tests and scans to see if it has spread to any other organs.
This is my reality. For the most part I do my best to go on each day and work as hard as I can building our business. Being sick unfortunately with crappy insurance isn't cheap. I hate having to ask for help. I deal with a lot of guilt about finances because we work hard and we work a lot. At times I see my wonderful husband busting his ass just for this dr, this procedure this whatever! It makes me feel like a shitty wife. Of course his reply is whatever it takes to keep you here & in my life because he is the best man I have ever known. Once again we humbly come before our community and ask for assistance. As a wife this again weighs on me because I feel if I just wasn't sick where we could be, how far ahead we would be. I'll be out of work for 6 weeks minimum with no cancer & complications. That also is tough since we own our own business and rely on each other. My husband is just an awesome person and though I feel he deserves so much better and more than me, he sees me through eyes I don't understand. We have left it all at gods feet and we have faith he will provide. We pray this is my last surgery, we pray no cancer, we pray no complications but above all we pray gods will be done. Thank you if you read this, letting me vent, sharing and donating towards my medical care. Love you guys and having you all on this painful journey with me really helps! So from the bottom of my heart Thank You.
Love,
Rochelle Larson
Colon cancer is one of the leading cancers in the US. Please get colonoscopies after a certain age or yearly if you suffer from any IBD. Awareness is key and you have to be proactive about your health no one else will. I had to fight with my gastro at the time to go to CC. He told me it wasn't needed. I went against my Drs orders and I'm glad I did. Had I listened to him I would have died, end of story. Only you know your body and I know it can be intimidating to speak up to your Dr or go with your instinct. Telling my now fired gastro no he is wrong and than leaving my home, city and comfort zone to save my life and have surgery across the country wasn't easy. Life isn't easy. I'm a fighter and god has thrown me so many times out of my comfort zone. I really don't know what a comfort zone is anymore. Maybe that's a blessing lol. I thank him for making me as strong as I am and for giving me an even stronger husband, loving supportive family and friends! So get checked and be aware.
-Shelly
A year ago I was facing my first surgery. I had just been told I have cancer & I'll be having surgery March 18. I was scared, overwhelmed, even angry. I had severe complications after that surgery. I spent time in the Cleveland Clinic(CC) ICU and took my first emergency ambulance ride as I was bleeding out. It was a tough time, it's been a tough year. Now again in March 2017 I go in for my second surgery and what I thought would be second will in fact be my last after today's meeting with my surgeon. What has colon cancer and Crohn's taken from me. It has taken away my chance at a normal life, a chance most people take for granted. Today was a harsh blow for Team Larson. We were told by our surgeon that I won't be getting a J pouch. That he and his partner highly suggest not to have it done. Two reasons for this. In my pathology a gene marker in Crohn's patients has shown up in my blood and tissue. Meaning I might not have any symptoms anywhere else currently but that doesn't mean I won't in the future. Second unfortunately the medical care Las Vegas and NV offer aren't what I need. The only ones capable of giving me a J pouch are Dr. Remzi at NYU and my surgeons at Cleveland clinic. I have the 2 best colorectal surgeons in Nevada telling me this. They aren't capable of handling anything that might go wrong with the J pouch. That any complication would need to be done by Cleveland clinic which isn't an option since I'm no longer allowed or covered for "out of state care". This travel "ban" on chronically ill patients that can't help that they live in states without excellent medical care makes me very angry.
This is a sad post unfortunately. I very much wanted a J pouch, a chance to be normal even though that's not normal I could at least look normal. My surgeon looked at me and said you aren't, normal none of this is normal. To at least appear normal on the outside is a gift only those who don't have that luxury see. This is hard and frustrating. My life has been a series of sad events followed by pain. I stopped asking why me when I was 16, because there isn't an answer. It's just life and you can't control that. All you can control is how you conduct yourself through times of pain, heartbreak, tribulation and fear. I have and still choose to be as kind, upbeat and loving to others as I can be. Yes, I'm angry with my body, yes I'm angry with my state and it's medical care, yes I'm angry that my medical care is limited to only my state, yes I'm angry that we are paying more than half of our rent in insurance premiums just to be covered like crap.
This leads me to our next hurdle. Since I do have crap insurance and a super high deductible as my surgeon put it, I'll be expected to pay half of that upfront by Monday and than the rest for 3 months. Now this is only my surgeons half, not the hospital or anesthesiologist. This is also if nothing goes wrong and I have zero complications. We weren't expecting this especially since we have been $500 a co pay for each procedure I have had for the surgery. We come to you and ask one more time if you can donate. please doante, but if you can share this and my story, please.It might be something someone needs to read or hear. To know they aren't alone and if I can't help anyone through a tough time than my suffering is pointless. The only good in pain is easing someone else's. Something I have and will always continue to do no matter what I might be facing at the time. True character is when you're in your own storm but you don't hesitate to pull someone out of theirs. That I can control and that's the only attitude I will ever take. I won't ever blame my god either. He made me, most would say imperfect. Right now how I'm feeling I would say beyond imperfect but for his reasons he placed these things in my life. He sees my beginning and my end. In no way do I ever want to let him down. When it's all said and done I long to hear his words that through it all I was an example of him & his love. That I never lost faith, I didn't waiver and I touched others lives. That's my goal, that I can control. This is very hard to process that I will have an ileostomy for the rest of my life. I'm only 32. It's hard and I'm even embarrassed to type it. My self esteem has bottomed out this past year and having an ileostomy and weight gain has demolished it. Now something I thought was just for my next surgery and a phase will be permanent and for the rest of my life. I will live with it. They will remove my rectum on March 9th. It will be a 4-5 hour procedure hopefully laparoscopic with robot which will be comforting since my first was over 7 hours and waking up from that was like getting hit by a truck. It will be about 6 months of healing and it is an area of high risk infection unfortunately as it heals up so close monitoring and possible little procedures might be done to ensure its healing. Once they remove my rectum we will know if the high grade dysplasia was just a pre-cancer warning or if I have rectal cancer and the stage. This causes me anxiety. The fact that my colon was stage 2 colon cancer makes me weary that my rectum is cancer free. If it is cancer they will start chemotherapy right away while I'm still in recovery from surgery at the hospital. Than depending on the stage I will get tests and scans to see if it has spread to any other organs.
This is my reality. For the most part I do my best to go on each day and work as hard as I can building our business. Being sick unfortunately with crappy insurance isn't cheap. I hate having to ask for help. I deal with a lot of guilt about finances because we work hard and we work a lot. At times I see my wonderful husband busting his ass just for this dr, this procedure this whatever! It makes me feel like a shitty wife. Of course his reply is whatever it takes to keep you here & in my life because he is the best man I have ever known. Once again we humbly come before our community and ask for assistance. As a wife this again weighs on me because I feel if I just wasn't sick where we could be, how far ahead we would be. I'll be out of work for 6 weeks minimum with no cancer & complications. That also is tough since we own our own business and rely on each other. My husband is just an awesome person and though I feel he deserves so much better and more than me, he sees me through eyes I don't understand. We have left it all at gods feet and we have faith he will provide. We pray this is my last surgery, we pray no cancer, we pray no complications but above all we pray gods will be done. Thank you if you read this, letting me vent, sharing and donating towards my medical care. Love you guys and having you all on this painful journey with me really helps! So from the bottom of my heart Thank You.
Love,
Rochelle Larson
Colon cancer is one of the leading cancers in the US. Please get colonoscopies after a certain age or yearly if you suffer from any IBD. Awareness is key and you have to be proactive about your health no one else will. I had to fight with my gastro at the time to go to CC. He told me it wasn't needed. I went against my Drs orders and I'm glad I did. Had I listened to him I would have died, end of story. Only you know your body and I know it can be intimidating to speak up to your Dr or go with your instinct. Telling my now fired gastro no he is wrong and than leaving my home, city and comfort zone to save my life and have surgery across the country wasn't easy. Life isn't easy. I'm a fighter and god has thrown me so many times out of my comfort zone. I really don't know what a comfort zone is anymore. Maybe that's a blessing lol. I thank him for making me as strong as I am and for giving me an even stronger husband, loving supportive family and friends! So get checked and be aware.
-Shelly
Organizer
Karl Larson
Organizer
Boulder City, NV