Silverstein Kids

Update 2/4/2024:

184 days.

I am taking this moment to warn you all ahead of time that Jill has ruined “May the Fourth Be with You.” That when 5/4/2024 happens it will be 9 months since the ICU doctors unhooked her from machines to see if she could make it on her own. When they learned she couldn’t. When they told us. And so the 4th became another thing. The 4th at 12:10.

I was sitting with Jill’s parents and Craig’s parents when they told us. I have this replaying image of the door that led out to the roof that maintenance people kept using for the three days leading up to that moment in order to fix the air conditioning. They keep apologizing as they walked through during those days. A few minutes after they told us I found myself standing up and turning toward that door. And losing my breath. Time stood still. Everything I knew about the world paused. That loss of air- that pocket- I can’t get rid of that feeling.

There’s this quote from a memoir about the people that mentored the author. He was writing about a mentor from his early adulthood. He said of this person, “He was the Jedi Knight of my youth.” The person that showed the way. Light handedly. By example. By just being. He made him feel safe, but gave him direction. He made him feel wanted. Made him feel skilled and knowledgeable, but still saw so much more potential. Made him feel loved. Worthy of love.

And I think that is who Jill was for many of us. She was the person you needed when you needed it. And she knew when that was. She just knew.

I have needed her so many times in the last six months. I started a new job in September. It is an experience I would have been consistently sharing with her. She was so happy I got this job. And for the first five months I had to drive to work with ridiculous music blasting so I didn’t have to think on the way to work. And on the way home I needed to blast it again to not think about the fact that she was the one I would have shared the day with. People would talk about death and sickness at work and it sounded like a million shrieking violins playing in my ear.

And I would have shared so many other things… that I had taken in these two kids and cats and then that wasn’t working as planned and so one kid moved in with his grandparents and the cats went to a much better equipped neighbor… And I split with the guy she never wanted me with… that… [redacted ]… and this kid I took in has met new friends and has a 99 average and was absent just two days this year after missing over 50 last year. This brilliant, funny, beautiful grieving kid.

And then there’s this whole thing about this heartbreak so deep because this person who I would tell all these things to is dead. Tell everything to… is 184 days dead.

But being lost like that… it puts so many things into perspective. It makes so much fade away.

What is truly heartbreaking for me is this… that perspective… that is the same amount of clarity that came into my life when I met Jill… when she became that person for me.

I haven’t caught my breath in 184 days. She lost her’s in a short few minutes.

A James Taylor song came on as Brooke and I walked into Five Guys earlier tonight. Until recently I hadn’t known that Brooke’s middle name, Taylor, is after James Taylor. This was the song:

“I've seen fire and I've seen rain

I've seen sunny days and I thought they'd never end

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend

But I always thought I'd see you again”

My oh my… it just don’t stop.

I can’t believe she is gone. I can’t believe that what is left is their stuff. That one minute you’re putting together a dresser for her husband who is unhelpfully commenting behind you while she joyfully snaps photos of you two and the next you are dropping your own kid’s clothes into the drawers because they are both dead and don’t need them anymore.

So fucking dramatic these two… 826 days without each other was too much.

I still have nothing concise to say… my heart hurts still.

So for now… may the fourth always be with you… because that is when she gave life to a large handful of others. And she is out there, somewhere moseying about… hopefully allowing someone to feel loved.

And guys… god damnit, you’ve got to be kind.”

We’re closing the GoFundMe in a week or so. If you prefer, checks can be sent to the trust executor (Craig’s brother-in-law).

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Update 8/23:

 We received the news that the woman who received one of Jill’s kidneys is doing great. We will hear more potentially from other recipients in six months.

 The two kids are doing ok. They have moved into their new home (at my house). MaryAnne Lane and I, with the help of neighbors and friends, got their items moved and rooms set up. They are settling in this week. Other family members have been working on the documents and a trust has been set up in Brooke and Carter’s names. This GoFundMe will go to that trust to ensure the kids have what they need as Brooke moves onto 10th grade and Carter chooses a a post-HS graduation career path and likely technical training of some sort.

 As before, any assistance you can give is very much appreciated. Even if you can only share this with others and help spread the word- that is plenty. Jill always gave plenty— in energy and love and just a smile to a stranger. Even when she was running on empty after Craig’s passing two and a half years ago— a funky pair of shoes or a cool tshirt or a kid dancing randomly in the store— would make her smile and pass that onto the next person she saw.

 It’s going to be hard… but what we do know is that these kids are surrounded by love. They have a solid, stable home. And they will continue to be loved.

Thank you all for your kinds words and generosity. Please remember to not take today for granted. And just breathe.

 (If you would prefer to send directly to the trust, please send a message and we will send you the trust name and address).

Thank you.

-Mary Anne Lane (Jill’s mom) & Pam (Jill’s best friend)

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Update 8/7:

On Friday, Jill was moved from her ICU room to the operating room in order to complete the organ donation process. The hospital gave her an Honor Walk to thank her for her donation of life to so many— lining the hallways with staff and family.

Pearl Jam, Phish, and The Beatles were blasting the whole time.

Just like she breathed life and love into so many friendships and moments her whole life… in less than 24 hours from her passing, she gave life to others.

Just breathe. Deeply. See you on the other side. 

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Update 8/4:

Final tests happened. At 12:10 Jill went to be with Craig.

Her body will be on a ventilator to keep organs viable as they finalize recipients. Timeline is likely tomorrow in late afternoon.

Blast some Phish or Pearl Jam. Scream at the ocean. Dance. Love fully. ♥️ Sign your donor card. Hug someone, tightly. 

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I cannot believe I am writing this. After losing their father, Craig suddenly in 2021, the Silverstein kids are once again facing an unimaginable tragedy. Their mom, Jill suffered a medical event on Tuesday and was rushed to the hospital. She seems to have suffered a heart attack and/or seizure as a result of a terrible cold, asthma, and Covid mixing together and causing her lungs to be unable to expel Co2. 

Jill has built a community of love around her life— what Craig once called her “cultivation of a life” filled with love and laughter and kind souls. She spent her life giving selflessly every single chance she has had and often creating chances to give out of nothing. 

Her kids, Carter (18) and Brooke (14) are going to need that army of support behind them. 

People have asked what they can do. We have set this GoFundMe up to help support them with all of the life-changing, heartbreaking needs to come for them. All funds will go directly to the kids and their needs. MaryAnne (Jill’s mom) will handle the fund. 

If you prefer gift cards— Gift cards to Instacart, DoorDash, or GrubHub are best. (Please no gift cards to specific restaurants). 

Go hug someone. Tightly. Plant something. Love someone. 

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Update: No improvement or change of any sort since this morning. There is no sign of brain activity. She has been unresponsive. As of yesterday, the doctors see no road to recovery.

 Jill, to her core, is about helping others and sharing the good in life.

Today she underwent testing to determine whether or not she can be an organ donor. So far all tests have shown that she can give life to so many. The family has decided that this is the route she would want them to take for her. We don’t know a specific timeline. Recipients must be found now that testing is almost complete. It may be tomorrow. It may be the next.

 Jill is love. And that love will be shared to let it live in others. ♥️

 I’ll send updates as we know more. For now, sharing the GoFundMe can help the kids (or the gift card options to silversteinkids01 at gmail).