Plea for help! Please Don’t Let This Horse Die!!

Have you ever made a mistake before that you wish SOO badly you could go back and fix? Telling yourself in hindsight if only I changed that one tiny decision that although was well intentioned at the time I could have prevented this! Instead you’re looking down what appears to be a dark tunnel with no certain end wishing you could take that decision back? you watch the suffering of another and all you want to do is take it back!

Hi, my name is Sara Mariani, I’m about to be 33 years old, I’m horseback riding instructor & trainer with 23 years of experience and today is day 3 of realizing that I’ve made the biggest mistakes of my life. Before explaining, I’d like to share that I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m what I jokingly tell my student’s “allergic to social media ☺️ “ and while my private nature and to be honest my pride tells me not to post this and ask for help, but my love and sense of justice for animals especially these most honorable and generous horses is what pushes me to take the risk of losing my industry’s respect and trust as a professional and ask for help today. In posting this, I realize what really matters is saving my horse Fillygrey and not letting her pay for my mistake with her life.

This past Saturday 9/11/21, I noticed one of my horses Fillygrey was not eating well. Normally, she has the mentality of a Labrador Retriever when it comes to food, she can’t get enough and so I was immediately alarmed watching her awkwardly try to take a tiny bite of carrot from me when she’d normally gobble it down and then keep ‘vacuuming’ up her hay. When I opened her mouth, I found an injury, what looked like she had hit her mouth against something and created a sore between her canine and molar teeth. I asked my vet what to do and she told me to give her 2 grams of Bute (like Advil or Tylenol for horses) and 2 scoops of Uniprim (an antibiotic). I was in the middle of my Saturday lesson schedule, however and so asked my boyfriend and partner that takes care of the horses with me Juan Carlos to administer the Bute paste. I set the tube’s dial to 2 grams and hastily gave it to him as I ran to my lesson explaining in Spanish (not my native language) to, “please give to Fillygrey right away”. He said , “sí” and then checked by saying “todo?”, which I replied “sí” while indicating with my hands until the dial on the tube… thinking he meant “todo” meaning ‘all’ up until the dosage setting I had done. (Mind you this is something he’s done for me for nearly 3 years now since helping me with the horses. He’s a very caring and thorough caretaker and makes for a phenomenal partner to have help me take care of 10 horses 24/7 365. [But in hindsight there’s another paste tube of Advil/Tylenol type medicine called Banamine that he likely got confused with since that can often be half a tube for a large horse like Fillygrey]). The partially used VetriBute 20 gram bute paste had probably maximum 16 grams left. Well, it was here where the communication breakdown happened. I didn’t understand he meant, “todo” as in literally the WHOLE TUBE !! I wouldn’t realize this until nearly 2 days later (way too late to do a medical intervention with something like charcoal to try to stop Fillygrey’s body from absorbing a whopping potentially lethal amount of bute).

Well the next day on Sunday, after she got the Bute and before I realized what happened, I noticed Fillygrey seemed improved , she was eating normally, drinking normally and urinating and pooping normally too. So I thought to myself great, looks like she’s doing better, I don’t need to give her more bute today then. I also made this decision because I don’t like to give this pain killing medicine anymore than is necessary, I know how hard it is on the horses digestive tract and so the last thing I wanted to do was upset her GI’s delicate balance. I even fed her Omeprazole in her grain the evening before with the bute paste to try to buffer any potential of causing gastric ulcers. And gave her probiotics & prebiotics in her grain too to dampen the negative impact of the antibiotic. I earnestly was trying to do all the right and most cautious, considerate, and caring actions I could on here behalf. That’s the way I live my life with horses and I try to pass on to my students. To be the change you want to see, to treat them in the most honorable, grateful, just, and loving way possible. That they are not expendable. You do everything you can in your power to do right by these majestic animals and hope that that’s enough of a way to say thank you for all they’ve given and continue to give us. Often to their own detriment even.

Sorry for the tangent on my horse philosophy and passion. Back to what I was saying … Well how life crushingly horrible did I feel when Monday morning finally comes (the 2nd day since Juan Carlos gave her the bute) and Fillygrey hadn’t even touched her hay or grain! I thought, “oh no her mouth sore/injury is bothering her again, looks like she needs more Bute”, so I asked Juan Carlos, “where was the tube of bute paste?” That’s when he said in Spanish, “yo dí todo/I gave it to her”. And I said, “what??!! You did??!!” Hoping I was misunderstanding I said, “where is it?” He said, “the trash can” and I said, “why??” And when I pulled the tube from under a layer of plastic carrot bag wrappers and other trash items - there I found it! The ENTIRE TUBE was gone !! That’s when I felt the blood drain from my face and a metaphorical kick to my gut. And I realized, Fillygrey has been overdosed on Bute!! and what’s worse, by the very people that spend all our time, money, and efforts to keep her happy and healthy. We’ve betrayed her ! Forcing her to eat an entire tube of medicine that at that dosage is literal poison to her body! According to my regular vet, the emergency vet, and a 3rd vet within a few hours I had been told in a myriad of ways why this was so very serious and we needed to hospitalize her immediately. That IV fluids was not enough to help her overcome the poisoning effects to her body trying to process the toxins. That she’ll need around the clock care for what likely can become a right dorsal colitis, potential kidney failure, and debilitating laminitis. After the emergency vet visit to the barn, I ran her blood to be tested and found out somehow her kidney’s were amazingly not showing any signs of failure or concern, but that she was definitely having colitis and fighting a major infection in her body. That her colon was so inflammed that she could start with a horrible case of diarrhea where she’s excreting so much bacteria from the lining of her colon slothing off that she’s going to be highly contagious to other horses and even us humans with bacterias like salmonella, etc.. until it’s resolved. That in short, they felt this was the calm before the storm and I needed to get her to the vet hospital immediately.

Fast forward to today and I’m on night 2 where I have barely been able to sleep worrying about her so much and feeling so stupid and guilty for not waiting to give her the medicine myself. That this could have all been avoided if I wasn’t rushing around. That she could likely overcome this as she was doing much better than she technically should be at that point and it was not the most severe case of colitis they’ve seen by a long shot, but that she needs more time in supportive hospital care than I have hit a wall in my ability to afford. As of last night, when I last spoke to the vet hospital, I’m at the upper limit of what I was able to be lended on emergency loan from CareCredit of $4,000.

A positive is that there’s been a few factors on her side, showing how resilient and strong she is and that with finishing out the days she needs in supportive care to recover that she’s very likely to make a full recovery. Fillygrey can still make it! and have many many more years of a normal and happy life where she could live!! And can once again resume her life’s calling (obviously only if her health could and her spirit wanted) - to keep being a horsey mom and not just any horsey mom … in 2 years of being so blessed (and believed in by her previous owners) to get to own such a special Oldenburg/Hanoverian Warmblood mare out of Fuerst Gotthard (anyone that knows that famous sire will appreciate her legacy), I’ve seen her tip toe around a foal only a few minutes old so as to help him to his feet, stand up, and find her udders for his first drink without getting even one of his little hairs out of place. Her son Huey, now 15 months old, since yesterday has been sitting anxiously at home, sad and confused at the empty stall/paddock by his side, likely wondering where his mommy went to and when she’ll come back. Please help me bring her back to him! Please help me save her life she does not deserve to suffer from my mistake.

The vet office estimated Fillygrey’s care could climb to $15,000. But financially I have no room to let them continue to work their magic and get her to overcome this epically stupid mistake of mine. That’s the worst part, that I did this to her, how can I live with myself knowing the one thing I care about most, the well-being of horses , especially in my care, that I’ve failed at, that I failed her. My ego and pride are so embarrassed to publicize this error to the world, but that’s not what matters now, I can live with the consequences and risk of losing the industry’s trust and respect. What I can’t live with is letting her die without so much as reaching out for help for Fillygrey. So that’s why I am here. To humbly ask for contributions for her medical bills so I can keep this majestic and gentle souled 4-legged angel here among us as many years longer as God and the Universe will give. Please, any amount of $ helps towards buying her the continued life saving care she so desperately needs to recover and not have her life taken from her because I can’t afford the costs of my so regrettable mistake.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sara, Fillygrey and her horse family.

Oh I should also mention that integrity is the quality I most care about. That whatever money Fillygrey receives will be spent on her, and not on myself in anyway. Actually, the thing that gives me the most joy in life is seeing my horses happy and healthy - my students can attest to this! I’m not the kind of girl that gets her nails done or cares about expensive purses or things like that. I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t even have a savings account. All my earnings go to the horses, rent and food. Cans of tuna and cheap food for me so my horses can thrive. To best sum me up if you see me in the 3D world, I usually am the girl in line at the market with multiple ‘biggest’ bag of carrots that you’ve seen and has the weird horse clothes on and probably some hay or straw in my hair