Baby Howard IVF Adventure
Donation protected
The beginning of our IVF adventure starts like any love story:
Zac and I have known each other since elementary school. We grew up about a mile away from each other. I still remember voting for him for 6th grade class president because he was so cute. Although we had tons of mutual friends and two years of math classes together in high school, we didn't actually speak until we were both at different colleges and started working together at the San Vicente Country Club. Zac's first night serving at the restaurant, they had me train him-- I spent the entire time fumbling over words and nervously trying not to blush. Eventually I worked up the nerve to be myself, throw some pick-up lines his way and the rest is what you call history. We have been together for 11 years, married for 5 and 1/2 and have been trying for a baby for about three and a half years.
Before we got married we got off birth control to prepare my body for when we were ready to have a baby. It took me 7 months to get a period. At that time my doctor told us I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) and getting pregnant without assistance would be very unlikely. But I married a believer who had turned me into a believer and we decided to"try naturally" starting in 2011.
At the same time we found out about my infertility, we lost my brother and my entire world was flipped upside down and shaken to the core. The part of me that always clung to the thought that if I didn't have a baby I would still be an auntie to Kev's future babies went out the window and I was immediately faced with the fear of my family tree dying. I am from a tiny family: my grandparents (all four still alive and holding out to meet a greatgrandbaby) , two parents, one aunt, and one cousin: that's all I've got. I don't want our family history and stories to end with me. I can't let them end with me.
In February of 2013 after Zac and I decided to take a more aggressive step towards conception my OBGYN started me on Clomid. I apologize to anyone who came in contact with me during that time-- between the hot flashes, inability to fall asleep and mood swings I was a walking emotional trainwreck. We did 6 rounds of Clomid and scheduled intercourse (which is what infertile couples call sex) and none resulted in a pregnancy...
The amount of money I spent on at home pregnancy tests still frustrates me. At this time we also started doing everything anyone had ever recommended from acupuncture, to herbs and oils.
When the Clomid didn't work my long time OBGYN sent Zac and I to San Diego Fertility where we started working with Dr. Susanna Parks. We went through months of testing my hormone levels, monitoring my PCOS, checking my Fallopian tubes (I almost blacked out during that!), checking my uterus and preparing for the next step which was IUI (insemination). When we started the IUIs they put me on a cocktail of fertility drugs, made Zac give me a trigger shot in the stomach and then monitored me via probing until it was time for the insemination. I am deathly afraid of needles and shots so Zac would have to follow me around the house/ talk me into it every time reminding me how it would all be worth it once we had our baby. My tears followed by him reminding me he had been an EMT always came before I would finally let him give me the shot. Then we would wait for the insemination day. Let me tell you nothing says romance like requiring your husband to produce you a cup of sperm at 5:15am and then running it down to the fertile clinic and have it injected up into your cervix. First it's awkward and second the procedure hurts. No surprise -- one time I screamed the F word and kicked my leg into the air and hit the little "let's get between your legs" light. My fertility doctor loves me.
The first round of IUI worked. I knew it worked a week later when my boobs were so sore they hurt to walk. I told Zac when he got home (I of course couldn't wait to take the test with him... I'm inpatient like that) by handing him an IPA beer called "big daddy". The look on his face was the greatest moment of my life. I felt whole. Like this body of mine was doing what it was made to do: have a baby. We only told our parents. I remember thinking "there's no way I will be able to hold this secret in" because it was the greatest secret I had ever been a part of. I got blood work two days later and it was official--I was pregnant and due on Dec 28th. A Christmas Baby!
At 7 weeks I started having really bad back aches and then started spotting. I tried to hid my phone from myself so I wouldn't WebMD it... My believer of a hubby hugged me and said he heard spotting was normal and everything would be okay. But two days later my doctor called to say the blood test confirmed I was having a miscarriage. I remember thinking "how much loss can one person take" and how life just seemed so very unfair sometimes. It was then that I reached out to a few people and was amazed by how many woman have lost a baby. It didn't take away the pain but there is something comforting about knowing you aren't alone. I also found comfort knowing wherever my Christmas Angel was that his or her Uncle Kev was there.
We did two more rounds of IUI with additional medication added and heart breakingly they did not work. In August after the third didn't work we agreed to take a break and focus on each other and our puppies... And gear up and save for what our fertility doctor says is our only option: IVF.
I know majority of you are amazed right now that I am being so open because for so long I have been so private about this-- but in the last six months I learned to let go of the embarrassment that comes from infertility. I've learned that it is part of who I am but it is not all that I am. And I've learned that people have wanted to reach out and help emotionally and financially but have not known how or if it is appropriate... Today we decided we will accept it all: prayers, thoughts and money!
Our IVF adventure costs around $26,000 with medication. My amazing parents have gifted us with $10,000 and we have $6,000 we have been saving. So we are about $10,000 short. I know it is ALOT but I figure if everyone who has ever asked Zac, me or our families "when are you guys gonna have a baby?!?" donated $5 we will raise the money in no time!
It's hard to ask for help, especially financial help but I had multiple friends tell me to just do it and that they would've started one but because it is so personal they didn't want to put all my personal history out there... So here it goes. I also debated about posting this because I would get the question I have gotten for years: "why don't you just adopt": The truth is: If there is a procedure that could allow me to be a mama to a Birse-Howard baby I have got to go for it... Even if it costs $26,000. I'm 31. I have PCOS. I am infertile and every year I wait the success rate for IVF drops. It's time. I'm ready to be a mama. Zacs ready to be a daddy and Jojo and Lola are ready to be big sisters. I want to look at my baby and say "oh crap he's got a Birse nose!" or "look at those fingers! Those are Joanz's fingers!". If there is even a sliver of hope that I can have a baby... carry a baby... deliver a baby I have to try. I have to give everything I can to get the chance to pop out a baby with my smile and Zac's eyes.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It was so therapeutic to get my story out of my heart and into words. Thank you for being part of our lives and for all the love and support you have given us. We start this adventure at the beginning of 2016.
Please be part of our adventure.
Zac and I have known each other since elementary school. We grew up about a mile away from each other. I still remember voting for him for 6th grade class president because he was so cute. Although we had tons of mutual friends and two years of math classes together in high school, we didn't actually speak until we were both at different colleges and started working together at the San Vicente Country Club. Zac's first night serving at the restaurant, they had me train him-- I spent the entire time fumbling over words and nervously trying not to blush. Eventually I worked up the nerve to be myself, throw some pick-up lines his way and the rest is what you call history. We have been together for 11 years, married for 5 and 1/2 and have been trying for a baby for about three and a half years.
Before we got married we got off birth control to prepare my body for when we were ready to have a baby. It took me 7 months to get a period. At that time my doctor told us I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) and getting pregnant without assistance would be very unlikely. But I married a believer who had turned me into a believer and we decided to"try naturally" starting in 2011.
At the same time we found out about my infertility, we lost my brother and my entire world was flipped upside down and shaken to the core. The part of me that always clung to the thought that if I didn't have a baby I would still be an auntie to Kev's future babies went out the window and I was immediately faced with the fear of my family tree dying. I am from a tiny family: my grandparents (all four still alive and holding out to meet a greatgrandbaby) , two parents, one aunt, and one cousin: that's all I've got. I don't want our family history and stories to end with me. I can't let them end with me.
In February of 2013 after Zac and I decided to take a more aggressive step towards conception my OBGYN started me on Clomid. I apologize to anyone who came in contact with me during that time-- between the hot flashes, inability to fall asleep and mood swings I was a walking emotional trainwreck. We did 6 rounds of Clomid and scheduled intercourse (which is what infertile couples call sex) and none resulted in a pregnancy...
The amount of money I spent on at home pregnancy tests still frustrates me. At this time we also started doing everything anyone had ever recommended from acupuncture, to herbs and oils.
When the Clomid didn't work my long time OBGYN sent Zac and I to San Diego Fertility where we started working with Dr. Susanna Parks. We went through months of testing my hormone levels, monitoring my PCOS, checking my Fallopian tubes (I almost blacked out during that!), checking my uterus and preparing for the next step which was IUI (insemination). When we started the IUIs they put me on a cocktail of fertility drugs, made Zac give me a trigger shot in the stomach and then monitored me via probing until it was time for the insemination. I am deathly afraid of needles and shots so Zac would have to follow me around the house/ talk me into it every time reminding me how it would all be worth it once we had our baby. My tears followed by him reminding me he had been an EMT always came before I would finally let him give me the shot. Then we would wait for the insemination day. Let me tell you nothing says romance like requiring your husband to produce you a cup of sperm at 5:15am and then running it down to the fertile clinic and have it injected up into your cervix. First it's awkward and second the procedure hurts. No surprise -- one time I screamed the F word and kicked my leg into the air and hit the little "let's get between your legs" light. My fertility doctor loves me.
The first round of IUI worked. I knew it worked a week later when my boobs were so sore they hurt to walk. I told Zac when he got home (I of course couldn't wait to take the test with him... I'm inpatient like that) by handing him an IPA beer called "big daddy". The look on his face was the greatest moment of my life. I felt whole. Like this body of mine was doing what it was made to do: have a baby. We only told our parents. I remember thinking "there's no way I will be able to hold this secret in" because it was the greatest secret I had ever been a part of. I got blood work two days later and it was official--I was pregnant and due on Dec 28th. A Christmas Baby!
At 7 weeks I started having really bad back aches and then started spotting. I tried to hid my phone from myself so I wouldn't WebMD it... My believer of a hubby hugged me and said he heard spotting was normal and everything would be okay. But two days later my doctor called to say the blood test confirmed I was having a miscarriage. I remember thinking "how much loss can one person take" and how life just seemed so very unfair sometimes. It was then that I reached out to a few people and was amazed by how many woman have lost a baby. It didn't take away the pain but there is something comforting about knowing you aren't alone. I also found comfort knowing wherever my Christmas Angel was that his or her Uncle Kev was there.
We did two more rounds of IUI with additional medication added and heart breakingly they did not work. In August after the third didn't work we agreed to take a break and focus on each other and our puppies... And gear up and save for what our fertility doctor says is our only option: IVF.
I know majority of you are amazed right now that I am being so open because for so long I have been so private about this-- but in the last six months I learned to let go of the embarrassment that comes from infertility. I've learned that it is part of who I am but it is not all that I am. And I've learned that people have wanted to reach out and help emotionally and financially but have not known how or if it is appropriate... Today we decided we will accept it all: prayers, thoughts and money!
Our IVF adventure costs around $26,000 with medication. My amazing parents have gifted us with $10,000 and we have $6,000 we have been saving. So we are about $10,000 short. I know it is ALOT but I figure if everyone who has ever asked Zac, me or our families "when are you guys gonna have a baby?!?" donated $5 we will raise the money in no time!
It's hard to ask for help, especially financial help but I had multiple friends tell me to just do it and that they would've started one but because it is so personal they didn't want to put all my personal history out there... So here it goes. I also debated about posting this because I would get the question I have gotten for years: "why don't you just adopt": The truth is: If there is a procedure that could allow me to be a mama to a Birse-Howard baby I have got to go for it... Even if it costs $26,000. I'm 31. I have PCOS. I am infertile and every year I wait the success rate for IVF drops. It's time. I'm ready to be a mama. Zacs ready to be a daddy and Jojo and Lola are ready to be big sisters. I want to look at my baby and say "oh crap he's got a Birse nose!" or "look at those fingers! Those are Joanz's fingers!". If there is even a sliver of hope that I can have a baby... carry a baby... deliver a baby I have to try. I have to give everything I can to get the chance to pop out a baby with my smile and Zac's eyes.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It was so therapeutic to get my story out of my heart and into words. Thank you for being part of our lives and for all the love and support you have given us. We start this adventure at the beginning of 2016.
Please be part of our adventure.
Organizer
Heather Howard
Organizer
Ramona, CA