Help Connie Finish College
I am a survivor. A phrase that has been drilled in my head my entire life. I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic abuse. I am a survivor of a home invasion, sexual assaults, gang rape, and marital rape. I am a survivor of three suicide attempts.
Surviving all the things above only took place after a mental breakdown in 2016. I pushed all my problems back into my brain as far as they could go. My only two emotions were love for my family and anger for the world. That is how I survived. However, in 2016 everything changed after I was sexually assaulted at work. It turned out I had no room for my traumas and that is when my life truly changed.
Between 2016 and 2019, I attempted suicide twice, because of this, I lost my children, my home, and my ‘life,’ as I knew it. This sounds horrible, and at the time I would have agreed with you completely, but it turned out to be what saved me. I was hospitalized six times. My first hospitalization is where I found my therapist. My other hospitalizations were simply stepping stones to where I am now. I spent a year and a half homeless. Some of that time I couch-hopped and some of that time I was in a shelter.
I was granted permission to talk to my kids on the phone supervised for the first seven months. Then I was granted supervised visitations for six months. After I could prove to the court that I was no longer a threat to myself (I was never a threat to them), I was then granted regular visitation. This was a painful process as I had never done anything to my children and it took time for me to realize the effects it would have had on my sons if they had walked in on my dead….. like I said, stepping stones.
On March 27, 2019 I moved out of my friend’s house and once again into my own home. It was a slow start, but a start, nonetheless. Everything I had previously owned had been given away or sold, so I had nothing but 12 boxes of memories and the clothes that were in my trunk. The local food pantry gathered up furniture, food, and housewares for me. I slept on a bed with bedbugs, my couch smelled like urine, and some of my furniture was barely standing up, and yet, I was happy. I have since replaced everything but my couches. I had them cleaned.
The best thing about 2019 was my boys could visit whenever they wanted, and my older son moved in with me in July. I started school in August and graduated with my AA in December of 2020. This is my new life!
Being given a true second chance at life, it is important to me that I do something I love. That's why I chose social work, and more importantly counseling. I want to take the things I have gone through and use them to strengthen my ability to meet others where they're at. I will do this through EMDR, music and art therapy, and sensory play. My office will be a safe space for those who do not have one elsewhere. I will be a safe person for those who do not have one.