Sully's Top Surgery

Hello! My name is Solas (they/he) and I’m a non-binary transmasculine person. Don’t know what this means? Here’s a resource! https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-nonbinary-people-how-to-be-respectful-and-supportive

My entire life, I’ve felt out of place. I didn’t have the vocabulary to explain the discomfort—why I had an ‘othering’ feeling from girls, why I hadn’t felt comfortable in my own body, why I didn’t fully ascribe to the idea of femininity—until after I had moved out of the Midwest into a larger city after college and had made friends in the transgender community. I could see myself for the first time, and began to take the steps to try pronouns, new names, and different ways of presenting myself within the safe space that I had found.

I searched for binders in 2020 and had found that they just didn’t make any large enough with a smaller ribcage like I had. I tried different taping methods, but after several attempts knew that it would never get me flat enough. Despite this, this experience showed me that I was heading in the right direction and my dysphoria began to subside. I began to socially transition, making a Facebook announcement to all my friends, and started gender-affirming therapy. It’s taken a lot of work to get where I am and to love myself through this process. In June of 2020, I started testosterone, to bring me closer to the image of myself that exists in my mind.

While I’ve found a lot of joy in this process, I’ve also become more resolute in my identity, which has brought intensifying top dysphoria. Since I can’t conceal them properly through any healthy methods due to the size, my chest doesn’t feel like my own and I’ve developed an urgency to do something about it. I spend days disassociating as if my body doesn’t even recognize they’re there and have gotten bruises just from doing daily work tasks and not being mindful. I avoid looking in the mirror because I feel distress and haven’t been able to take care of my body properly through exercise due to the effort it takes to strap them down and deal with them. Over time it’s felt like I wouldn’t be able to achieve the body that I feel comfortable in, but I’ve since learned that I need to take the first step.

I’m between career jobs and I feel like I’ve already lost so much time to hating myself and I just want to be free. I want to be able to swim without being grossly reminded that my mind and body don’t quite meet; and I want to have the energy to be a better version of myself—one that takes control of my situation and builds themselves up.

I’ve had my consultation and booked my top surgery for this June, which has an estimated cost of $5500 between the procedure itself and the aftercare. While the cost is mostly covered through my insurance, there are still auxiliary medical supplies and costs toward rent since I’ll need to be healing for 6 weeks after. I had to quit my job due to wage theft, but was working 60-70 hour weeks, am still doing odd jobs as often as possible, and sold anything valuable that I’d owned, but the surgery starts in two weeks and I won’t be able to meet goal on my own in time. At the time that I’m writing this, my family has been unsupportive—meaning that if I’m going to do this, I’m going to need help.

Any donation, any boost, and any kind words would mean the world to me. I’m proud of the person that I’ve become—soft, empathetic, strong, queer—and I am done feeling ashamed. I’m ready to empower myself rather than feeling the need to justify myself to the people that I love.

I’m ready to take the next large step toward becoming who I am.

~~Note: The total has been adjusted to account for GoFundMe’s 3% charge

Alternative means of donating (to avoid GoFundMe’s -3% fee) include:

CashApp - $SolasMG

PayPal - @SolasMG

Venmo - @Solas-McGregor

~~Any remaining funds will go toward transition funds for other transgender folks