Support a Disabled Veteran's quest to secure a Future

Hello, everyone. First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to read my story. It means the world to me that you’re here and I’m deeply grateful for any support you can offer—whether it’s a donation, kind words of support, or sharing this page with others.

I’m currently navigating the most agonizing plot twist of my life: a difficult divorce from a marriage of 13 years (Feb2013), fighting to have a future in the aftermath of a long term abusive relationship. For years, unbeknownst to me, my perception of reality had been carefully manipulated and controlled. I suffered in silence, so desperately holding onto the story I told myself about love, devotion, acceptance, commitment, and then measured it all against how much I could endure. The writing on the wall, I couldn’t read a language I’d never known. What I had been taught through my attempts to close the gap, to be enough, and knew so assuredly, was that the problem was me… I needed to change, I needed to do better, I needed to get with the program, and failure was a flaw within myself that needed to be cut out… this was my normal, I could not tell anyone the truth of what I was unable to see for myself.

What I am able to tell you now, what I’ve been able to process in the last six months or so, is only a tiny drop in an ocean of mind splitting madness.

“He was my very first true love,” so gleefully I’d share with anyone willing to listen. So fondly I would recall the day I met him in the hallways of Grand Blanc High, down to the very first words we ever exchanged… this tale encompassed my entire understanding of love. It was there within my unfettered naivete, he planted a seed and took advantage. He used me and my body for financial gain... By the end of which, his callousness towards me (especially when without witness) seemed to stretch beyond anything I had the ability to process. It was by design that I felt an agonizing sense of fear and confusion, rather than any semblance of self dignity or respect. I was too busy looking inward, rearranging all my parts in a desperate bid for his fleeting approval.

It’s been one trauma after another, broken promises, bread crumbs for breakfast lunch and dinner, gaslighting followed up with love bombs, bitter deflections, methodical grooming, and neglect. I am a disabled veteran with PTSD (traumatic event having taken place during my active duty military service in 2012), so perhaps that had a role to play in why I couldn’t recognize that my worsening condition, was him... Not even when the monster in my nightmares would so frequently adopt his face.

This simply does not do enough to describe the depth… It’s going to take time and professional aid to fully unpack and accurately paint a picture of my mental prison. To build myself a life, I am pursuing trauma therapy. I want to begin the process of healing, but I’m not out of the woods enough to consider myself safe from further harm.

I can’t do this alone, I need your help to claim the independence I never had (having gotten married at 18, now 31). The road ahead is steep.

This most recent episode of psychological bludgeoning (although there is significant evidence to suggest deliberate premeditation, particularly of a financial relevance, hiding and liquidating assets going as far back as at least 2023) seemed to begin with a hidden affair in the Spring of 2024. He went to great lengths (greater than I had ever witnessed before) to convince me it was an innocent rekindling of a relationship with an old friend who just so happened to be in need…

Around the same time, we had decided that he wasn’t going to re-enlist his active duty military service.

I was under the impression that we were very much on the same page, looking forward to (with great anticipation) finally seeing our dreams come to fruition. His vision was identical to mine; it’s only now that I look back and see just how eerily so he mirrored my every desire, my spirituality, my values in life, the list could go on. I had been putting half of my disability income into savings for this very purpose for a decade, amounting to a total of a nearly 80k nest egg. Everything felt so, surreal. In the Summer of 2024, he persuaded me to use my savings to put a down payment on a house in the town we grew up in. Had me pay for renovations… the process of which was significantly slowed by him moving his paramour into the home (contractors were forced to work around her needs), prior to me moving in (further evidenced by the way I wasn’t allowed to visit as I pleased, even when he was there). By the time I stumbled into the truth, it was too late to make a difference (a lie I tell myself for comfort, there was no way for me to have any sort of victory against that situation on my own) and my savings account had been ground to dust. He had groomed me for years leading up to this, coercing me into a state of instinctual compliance fueled by fear and self blame. I felt personally responsible for maintaining the peace. Every upheaval caused by my attempts to communicate discomfort, proof that I was the problem! While now, I am thankful for the knowledge that he is exactly the weight I need to lose... then, my submission was not something I was able to recognize as an option. Attempts to be heard were perceived as spite-laden defiance. The rules he established in the home and for engaging with his paramour, mere traps intended for me to trigger. Failure to fall in line to his satisfaction were met with intense scrutiny, minimization, gaslighting, and threats of abandonment.

Had things gone his way, he would have attempted to have me committed to a psychiatric institution where he could control the narrative. Although more ideally, his desire to push me to suicide was clear… Evidenced by “gifting” and leaving me unsupervised with the means to take my life. Pretending to lack awareness of my induced mental state without so much as attempting to inform my family of the dangerous situation he had staged and provoked. Through this method, no one would have known ANYTHING about what really happened… 22 veterans a day commit suicide.

Or worse, had the opportunity presented itself while he was under the influence.

It was following a series of several events that involved him, at times the two of them together, berating me into a state of dissociative panic… That on March 3rd 2024 in a moment of clarity thrust upon me by fear for my safety, I broke my silence and called a family member for help. My husband left the property with his paramour that day and from the way things went in their wake, I began to realize just how fortunate I was to be alive. Drugs and alcohol were regularly partaken within my home. This created a dangerous environment where predictability was absent from one moment to the next— no matter how cautious I was... all the while, I was treated as a mere obstacle. I have never wanted to live so dearly as I do now, having realized the nature of my circumstance. On March 5th, I received an unexpected text that together, they were on the way, and reasonably presumed this was going to be a visit to gather belongings. It appeared that his secret love interest was removing herself from the situation. So, feeling a need for additional security due to the unpredictability of escalation, I contacted local police to do a standby... stating that I was terrified of this sudden unannounced reappearance, is an egregious understatement— it felt like the safest course of action. As soon as he pulled up, having seen cop cars in front of the home, he turned around and immediately called me in a fit of rage. When the cops heard his rage, they took my phone and spoke with him. I was in shock at the way he changed his tone. He was nothing short of furious that I’d made a call for aid to law enforcement. He texted me expressing concern for his paramour who at the time, was on probation for a violent crime and in violation of probation by staying in our marital home. The officers, by now having been filled in and heard from all parties, felt I was in danger of serious harm or worse. The law enforcement officers heavily advised me to go stay with a family member and figure it out from there. That it was better to be alive and safe, than to fight to stay in the home and lose my life. So that is what I did, leaving March 6th at noon sharp I was transported to stay with my mother… It is during this time I contacted a divorce lawyer…

...and there it began.

My partner abandoned his financial responsibilities, hiding funds all the while leaving me to shoulder this burden alone and hoping it’d cause my downfall. My disability income is not enough to cover all of these expenses and my savings are gone. I find myself struggling with great difficulty to afford mortgage, utilities, legal, insurance, home warranty, maintenance, lawn care, phone/internet, food on the table, basic toiletries, gas/transportation, and the needs of my beloved animals (who have been of course prioritized, but I’m falling short in other vital areas). To make matters worse, he damaged my credit by neglecting financial obligations (landing me with outstanding debt) and buying porn on credit cards connected to my name. This has lead to me being unable to secure a loan to support myself through this time, I have no other option than to ask for your aid.

It is only thanks to the support of a select few picking up food from local Food Pantries that I have been able to reliably eat… It is only because of a select few that I have been able to secure (but not fully cover) proper legal representation for myself at all.

But I’m unable to ignore the way this has been a difficult drain on their time and resources, too.

It’s going to take a village.

For my safety, I’ve since had to obtain a Personal Protection Order and Ex-Parte (so add home security fees, because that is a necessity now too). Staying over an hour away with my mother, wasn’t enough. He had to show me, there was no place safe to hide. Unfortunately, this hasn’t brought me the peace I had hoped for. He is currently doing everything he can to get back into the house with his paramour and on his second attempt to revoke my PPO.

It’s going to take more legal fees in order to protect myself, funds I simply do not have.

I am living in a perpetual state of fear…

So please, would you be my super power?

I want a chance at a life I can live well, honest, and deliberately, without feeling a need to apologize for the space I take up. The battle is far from over. This journey will be long and arduous and I cannot do it without fellowship. I’m reaching out to my community, heart in hand (I’m sorry it’s broken), because I need support to make it to the finish line. As stated, the funds raised will go toward continued legal fees, bills, animals care, professional trauma therapy, and keeping my little raft afloat on these turbulent waters.

Every contribution, no matter the size, makes a difference and fills me with determination.

If you have additional resources or advice, I would be incredibly grateful to hear from you.

One day, I will be in a position to give back.

But right now, it’s just one day at a time.

In closing...

I know this was a long read and I’m incredibly sorry for that... it has been difficult to share something I am so conditioned to over rationalize and lock away. If you’ve read this far, I want you to know that I appreciate you with every fiber of my being.

Thank you to those who helped me to not only see but understand, that it’s never too late.

I’m worth fighting for.

If you live locally and want to offer your time, reach out.

I’d love to walk away from this with meaningful connections, your time is priceless and it matters.

& If you would prefer to provide relief in other ways, I have a SOS Amazon list:

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1T3EUXW84I5Z8?ref_=wl_share

I promise to keep it updated with things I’d need or find useful, while removing items when there is no longer a need for them. With this list, you can also send items of your personal choosing.

I am unsure how long this process will go on, so I would be grateful for your continued support.