Support For Paula Pruner

My mother needs a car.

A backstory: In 1973, my grandfather was killed in a freak accident that found a dead palm tree blowing over and crushing his car. My grandmother was the passenger. It was her birthday. For the 30 years that followed, my mother gave every bit of herself to assist my grandmother and guide me to adulthood. In the process, the trauma impacted her -- is still impacting her -- in ways that have led her to a place where she's still trying to climb back out of this hole and reconnect with herself again.

So, yes. Long story short: she needs a car. 

I don't usually do things like this but, my mother needs help.  And by help, I mean a reliable good-working, fuel-efficient car that can get her from point A to point B. This sounds like a simple ask, I'm sure. And as much as my pride has kept me from going to the internet in search of assistance, our options have become quite limited.

Let me explain: The woman in the photo at the top of this page -- the one on the right, obviously -- is my mother, Paula Pruner. That's my daughter Lily on the left. Roughly nine years ago, I gave my mother my car after hers pretty much died for good. It was a very reliable 2003 Honda Civic and served her well from 2011 until 2015, when she got into a hit and run. The driver took off, and while she was a bit shaken, she was ultimately fine. However, she was left to deal with the wreckage. 

The car was totaled. And due to the fixed income she lives off of through Disability insurance -- my mother lives with a degenerative incurable disease called Ehler's Danlose, which impacts the joints and nerves throughout the body -- her funds have been tight, meaning the ability to purchase a decent vehicle was not in the cards. Instead, she was able to get a 2003 Dodge Neon which has proven to be a trash fire waiting to happen.

I took the above photo a few days ago when she went and tried to take the bus to my place to spend time with her granddaughter. But between her discomfort and extreme nausea caused by the trip, it became clear that this probably wasn't going to be a good option. And while we're looking into other options, it's clear that this has really started to take its toll emotionally on my mom.

Over the past five years, she has been driving this car from her home to two places she volunteers at: The Red Cross  and Operation Blankets of Love , a non-profit that gets much-needed supplies to animals in need. She does this without making any money in return, and just out of the kindness of her own heart. Honestly, that's who my mother is. She gives more of herself to the people and animals around her than she keeps for herself. 

But in the process of all that driving, we began to learn about this wreck on wheels she was cruising around town in. The oil pan has a leak, all four tires are bald, and the transmission is shot. Worse still, they don't make this car anymore so I was told they'd have to create a new gasket at the mechanic in order to fix the transmission issue.

I told her to stop driving it and we'd figure it out. The concept that she'd be pouring all this money, that she really didn't have to begin with, into this money pit of a car has really weighed heavily on my immediate family here. As much as I'd love to be on call to take her to the doctor and on errands each-and-every day, I simply don't have the bandwidth. But since I'm her only family nearby (it's always been us against the world), I've done my best to put other things on hold and get there when she calls me. Still, we've been trying to make a plan of the next steps she can take to fix things. But, as I said, she has this disability and I worry about her constantly whenever she gets behind the wheels of that death trap.

She has expressed how depressed she's become since she lost access to a working car. The car stopped working the same week she had to put her cat to sleep. So being stuck at home without a companion has been tough on her.

Since we've already come this far, I may as well share that my grandmother lived the last quarter of her life sequestered to her couch with plates in her head and legs. She was an angry woman during this time and quite difficult to deal with and I can see it in my eyes that my mother is terrified of going that same route. 

But there's one big difference here and it's that my mother can still drive. And she does it well. 

There is a handful of things in my mother's life that instills in her a sense of validation and agency and one of the highest items on that list is having a car she can get herself around town in. The last time she owned a new car was in 1984. And while my goal is to get her a reliable used car, it'd still be a wonderful thing to make happen for her.

Look, I know that we're living in tough times now. And I want to thank you for getting this far in this post. In a perfect world, I'd have these funds raised in time for Valentine's Day but that's probably wishful thinking.  But her 73rd birthday is in May and I can't think of a better gift to give her -- especially when I think of everything she's sacrificed, for me and everyone who knows her, throughout the 43 years I've known her.

It's just a car, but this would mean the world.