Pls help 2 support & give stability to my girls

Nina here….This is not an easy thing to write, but a gofundme page has been suggested by some good friends, and it’s time for me to swallow my pride, and reach out to my loved ones for some help for the girls, and the hard months they face ahead.

My friends and family, keep asking me what they can do to help me, and I’m not great at accepting help from people….so tend just to plod on, and always turn down financial help…. but have definitely got better at accepting everyday emotional and physical support/help with myself and the girls! But….I have one massive worry hanging over my mind as things progress with my illness, which would be a huge relief to know that it was perhaps partly sorted before I pass away.

As many of you know, I am now receiving end of life/palliative care through St Columba’s hospice, having stopped chemotherapy a while back, as it was making me extremely ill. With a poor prognosis even with treatment, it definitely became a case of quality over quantity, and since no chemo had worked for over 2 1/2 years anyway, it was the correct choice. It felt like the chemo was killing me quicker than the cancer. However, I didn’t realise how quickly the cancer would take over my body, the pain has been horrendous as my lung has filled with malignant pleural fluid, and the cancer has started wrapping itself around my kidneys….and just spreading overall, quite quickly…. but the hospice team are on the case constantly and have been amazing. I had my lung drained of fluid 3 weeks ago, and in that time, the fluid has collected back up to the same point, so is needing drained again. It gives me relief for about a week, so is definitely worth it, but at the same time I know this fluid collection makes my prognosis even worse. The hospice team are looking to get me in to stay for a short while, to get on top of all these symptoms, mainly my breathing and pain, which will be a great help. So for now, I will spend hopefully most of my time at home with the girls, and will have overnights in the hospice when neeeded.

As a single parent, my only worry is my girls. All I wish for when I pass away, is that they have some sort of stability during their grieving process, and that they are able to stay in our current rented flat for as long as possible. This will mean their dad, has to move up from down south (something I think we have finally agreed on ) and leave all his freelance work, to look for something up here. I would be utterly heartbroken if the girls had to move away from everything they know, just after losing me. These thoughts are tormenting me. Therefore, I am looking to raise enough money to pay the current rent on our house, for at least 6 months (£7,200), in the hope of giving them a bit of stability in the months after I have gone. This would give me so much comfort, it really would mean the world to me.

Despite everything I have gone through the past 5 years, I have never wanted to burden people, so rarely reach out for help, so this is an incredibly difficult thing for me to do. If you can help, you have no idea how much that would mean, and would bring a lot of peace to me. Equally, I know how hard times are just now, so please don’t feel any worry or guilt if you are not able to help out.

I’ve thought about a million ways to say goodbye, and I’ve realised….there is just no way to say goodbye. I am not ready to leave you all. My heart is broken. It does not break for me….only for those I leave behind. My darling children. My amazing family. My close beautiful friends. My loves, and of course our new puppy. Just everyone who has been there for me, you have all made me have the most wonderful life. I feel incredibly blessed. I guess I am really one of the lucky ones too, as not many people get to even say goodbye.

Thank you, so much to all, and sending lots of love. See you on the other side. ❤️ xxxxxxx