Support Ruth and Oscar's Dream of Parenthood

“When I grow up, I want to be: a mom” …a dream I had for as long as I can remember. As a little girl, my favorite thing to do was play with my dolls. Sara, Jane, Rebecca, Samantha, I still remember all of their names. I was always asking my sisters to play house-“Do you want to be the mama or the papa?”

Being a big sissy was one of the best things that happened to me. I remember being so excited when my mama was pregnant, waiting up all night to see whether I had a new baby brother or sister (it was always a sister) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I loved taking care of my baby sisters, feeding them, changing them, playing school and teaching them how to read and write.

Art was my other favorite activity, and I always drew pictures full of scenes of the same thing-families! Families at their homes, going to church, camping, playing together. To me, family was everything. I always saw myself as having a big family, surrounded by the laughter of babies, with my husband.

When I was 14 years old, I had emergency surgery, for a burst appendix and sepsis. When they put cameras inside my body to see what was going on, they realized there was a couple organs missing, one of them being a uterus. As a young teenage girl, who had always dreamed of being a mom, hearing those words from a hospital ‘social worker’-who wasn’t supposed to share the information until a special meeting set up with my mom, doctors and a therapist, “you’re the one who can’t have children,” broke my heart. I painfully reached for the hospital phone and called my mom crying, who was downstairs getting coffee in the cafeteria before our big meeting.

“Mama, what does she mean I can’t have babies?” For many years, I carried a deep sorrow in my soul, wondering if I would ever be able to become a mommy, my greatest ambition in life.

I had always loved spending my time caring for babies, and as soon as I turned 18, I got my first job working at a daycare as an infant teacher. I took early childhood education classes and started learning everything I could about how to make each day for the babies in my care as magical as possible. I absolutely loved my job, getting to make a difference in the babies I cared for and their families’ lives, through compassion and kindness.

I had the honor of caring for so many children throughout my career, and eventually, I became a postpartum doula. Now, I work with moms and families during the postpartum period, caring for their babies on the first night they’re born, or the first day they come home. Getting to be part of such a special time is an honor. Using all I’ve learned throughout the years and the beauty of empathy to make the nights and days smoother for the families I support brings me so much contentment and joy.

Fast forward to 2021, after spending my 20’s and early 30’s going through a lot of heavy things, I met Oscar. We first became friends, and as our relationship grew, we developed a very deep and meaningful friendship. I remember sitting by the beach, creating our bucket lists together. All these years later, I had no doubt in my mind what I wanted to put at the top of mine, get married, have a family, become a mom.

I remember being on the phone with Oscar one day and hearing the sweetest laughter coming from his room, from both him and his niece. He sent me a picture of them laughing together. She looked so happy, and so did he. It made my heart feel warm and fuzzy inside to see his joy being around children, something I had always treasured dear in my heart.

As we grew closer, Oscar and I talked about so many things. We shared our journeys, failures, hopes and dreams. One day, at my home in the Santa Cruz mountains, I opened up about my faith in God. Shortly after, Oscar looked deep into my eyes, held onto both of my hands and asked me to be his girlfriend.

As a new couple, we started experiencing life together. We introduced each other to our families, our friends and celebrated holidays together. One big thing we had in common was our love for our families. We both come from big families with many siblings, and our joy is found in spending time with our parents, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. Watching Oscar play with his nieces and nephew filled my heart with joy. He always made everything so fun for them, spending so much effort to interact with them and make the time special. When I introduced him to my nieces and nephews, and saw how much he genuinely cared about them, it made me feel so happy. I knew that a man who has a real heart for children is good for the soul, and something I had always imagined and longed for.

Oscar and I shared deep parts of our journeys together, our struggles, pain and hard things we had overcome, along with things we were currently battling. Together, we realized that while we had found each other, both had amazing families and good hearts, there was something missing that we needed to flourish in life and really grow into the people we were supposed to be. That thing we were missing was being united as a couple, under God’s direction and love. We prayed and decided to rededicate our hearts to God, individually and together.

We started attending Twin Lakes Church, where we could learn more about what that looks like in our lives today. We attended a baptism class, and decided to get baptized. Our church held a baptism, one Sunday in October, at the beach in Aptos. I was terrified, as I don’t know how to swim, and the waves were extra rocky that day. I asked if I we could stay at the very front of the water, like all of the kids. They said yes. We walked into the ocean together, hand in hand, with me gripping his hand very tightly. We went under the water and came back up, still holding hands.

God’s love is something that has changed our lives forever. It has helped us learn how to overcome trauma and addictions, care more about each other and others. It has taught us the power of faith, of really trusting that God has a plan and what it looks like to seek and follow Him.

We are getting married this year, and our greatest desire is to build our family. We have prayed to God to guide us and asked Him to bless our lives with the gift of a child.

Since I cannot carry a baby myself due to being born without a uterus, we are planning to begin our surrogacy journey, where we could have a child to bring home and fill with their heart with love.

We have estimated the cost for the entire process based on consultations with surrogacy agencies. If for some reason surrogacy is deemed unsuccessful after going through the process, we would use any funds towards adoption.

We don’t expect to have our journey fully funded and would be so grateful for any donations to help us get started and fulfill our lifelong dream.

To anyone that chooses to donate or share our story, we thank you, from the bottom of hearts, for your kindness and love. With so much gratitude, Ruth and Oscar.