Support Leah with Winston's Care & Comfort

From Leah:

One year and 6 months ago, an angel came into my life, in a little bouncy, fuzzy package. I happened to see his face on the wall at the SPCA in Dartmouth NS, when I had initially gone just to pet the kittens and be with some furry friends (helps my anxiety, and in hopes it feels good for them), and asked to take him for a walk. It was love at first trot.

I took him home the next day. During a period of my own grief and depression he brought me back to life, showed me unconditional love, and also reminded me of my own capacity to love. Winnie took me for walks, gave me a routine, a companion and a safe space. He showed me unconditional love, and also reminded me of my own capacity to love and care for another being. Winston is a funny guy, a classic Scottie with a big head and a bigger personality. He is subtle and stoic, and those special people who take the time to draw his playful side out of him get to see his true essence. He is happiest when walking, when people come to visit, and when munching on cucumber and his other favorite treats.

Around April 26th, Winston showed first signs of illness. I thought maybe it was just an upset tummy, as for the first week, it wasn't initially consistent, but subtle signs here and there with good days in between. After the first week things became clearly very worrisome.

After many sleepless nights, and hoping things would resolve on their own, I took Winston to an emergency vet at 2 am. I won't go into the details here, but the next few days were a rollercoaster of figuring out how to pay for the numerous panels he needed. His ultrasound showed a mass in his small intestine, and although I was hopeful (and in denial) that it was just a ball of too many treats. After the ultrasound showed the mass, I was given 20 minutes to decide what to do, with the vet encouraging humane euthenasia that night, without confirming whether or not the mass was cancerous or not.

The vets would not go ahead with surgical removal of the mass without another X-ray, to confirm that it had not spread to his lungs (this is before doing any biopsy). We had a momentary hope, when the xray of his lungs came back completely clear!

Then, Winnie went for surgery. They removed the mass, and sent it off to the oncology specialists. While we waited, I was remaining hopeful that the mass was benign, or a foreign object, but unfortunately, on Monday May 13th, the oncologist called me to let me know that Winnie did in fact have cancer.

"Winston's intestinal mass has returned with a diagnosis of transmural adenocarcinoma with lymphatic invasion and lymph node metastasis. Intestinal carcinoma is an aggressive cancer with a highly invasive growth pattern and a high risk of metastasis. Since spread to the lymph nodes was confirmed, while the intestinal mass has been removed and he will feel better once he has recovered from surgery, there is cancer remaining in his body that will eventually progress to cause clinic signs such as abdominal discomfort, swelling of the abdomen due to accumulation of fluid, and low energy and appetite."

Fast forward to today, Winnie is slowing down, but he continues to be excited to eat, walk, and most of all welcome visitors. Until he is unable to enjoy his favorite things, I will continue to do whatever it takes to keep him pain free and happy.

His medical bills have now surpassed $14,000, and his pain and palliative medications are continuing to add up. I have been blessed to receive a loan to cover the initial costs, and have plans set in place for extra work to pay things off once I am not full time care taking for him. This does not include the inevitable cost of his end of life care.

This has been so hard to accept, and I simply wish I could stop time. I have been doing my best to compartmentalize my own pain (although not very successfully) while staying as present as possible with him and enjoying the precious moments we still have.

Going through this, my heart goes out to anyone in a caretaking position, who knows the exhaustion and mental toll that caring for a loved one can take. I hesitated to ask for help, but now is not the time to let my pride stand in the way of supporting my companion who has completely changed my life and taught me so many lessons.

The anticipatory grief is heavy, and I know I need to be strong for my boy, so he does not suffer. Finding the balance between focusing on the good moments, and staying realistic is all I am focused on right now.

I am asking for any support, whether it is sharing this to your stories, or sharing a photo or memory of Winston or even your own journey of pet loss! If it is within your means, and you would consider skipping a few coffees this week, I would graciously accept support with Winston's ongoing care, and inevitably, his end of life plan.

Thank you so much to anyone who has reached out, visited, or taken the time to just send him/us some love. I am endlessly grateful for you bringing him happy moments and tail wags.

From the heart,

Leah & Winston