Surgery for Marcus 2019
Donation protected
Marcus.
I’ve always felt like that's who I was supposed to be. But for most of my life, I've felt lost. Trapped is actually a better description. Trapped by my body, by my mental health. In 3rd grade puberty decided to show up, and it was ready to party. I hated every minute of it; my chest, my thighs, every one of my curves, all of those things that girls wanted and couldn't wait for. I always felt like "one of the guys". I wanted so badly to be able to swim with my shirt off, play football, more than anything I wanted to be treated like the boy I knew I was inside. Fortunately, I had parents that were just fine with me wearing boy clothing and ditching the dolls. So I did all I could to feel more like "one of the guys". Boy clothes and shoes, if boys were doing it I was doing it. Still I didn't feel right but what else could I do. I found a passion for special needs kids when I was in 4th grade. I didn't feel judged, I just felt normal, accepted. It's been my passion ever since. Two years ago, after being out and trans for seven and living as Marcus I decided to make the step and start HRT.I knew that my mental health wasn't were I wanted to to be so I also made the choice to start medicine again. Not only was I unhappy with who I was, I have struggled with anxiety, depression and bi-polar disorder since I was a child and the older I got the worse it got. Being on hormones and seeing the changes really did help and I started to feel better. Facial hair, a deeper voice all of these things were great. Until I had to shower or take my shirt off. Until my friends wanted to go swimming. Until I wanted to run at the gym or change in the locker room. Until my kids at school asked me to play with them and I quickly made an excuse why I can’t, because I'm scared they'll see my chest. I’ve had different jobs with different insurances, all of which have not covered top surgery. The current job I have will cover part of it, but that still leaves me with nearly 8,000 dollars in expenses. I even applied for Medicaid and got denied. I will be out of work for about 5-7 weeks, which a part of that wont be covered by my job unfortunately. I’ll need to purchase a binder for after surgery as well, as they are not covered either. In the last year, I have been really focused on my fitness and mental health and have lost almost 70 pounds. I want to pursue Personal Training, my new passion, and incorporate it with Mental health. These two things make me incredibly happy, yet doing them brings me such pain and anxiety. I have made all of this progress and when I look in the mirror, I can’t see any of it because of my chest. It does not belong there, it is not my chest. This surgery would allow me to continue on into the next chapter of my life, and continue my journey to my most truest self.
I’ve always felt like that's who I was supposed to be. But for most of my life, I've felt lost. Trapped is actually a better description. Trapped by my body, by my mental health. In 3rd grade puberty decided to show up, and it was ready to party. I hated every minute of it; my chest, my thighs, every one of my curves, all of those things that girls wanted and couldn't wait for. I always felt like "one of the guys". I wanted so badly to be able to swim with my shirt off, play football, more than anything I wanted to be treated like the boy I knew I was inside. Fortunately, I had parents that were just fine with me wearing boy clothing and ditching the dolls. So I did all I could to feel more like "one of the guys". Boy clothes and shoes, if boys were doing it I was doing it. Still I didn't feel right but what else could I do. I found a passion for special needs kids when I was in 4th grade. I didn't feel judged, I just felt normal, accepted. It's been my passion ever since. Two years ago, after being out and trans for seven and living as Marcus I decided to make the step and start HRT.I knew that my mental health wasn't were I wanted to to be so I also made the choice to start medicine again. Not only was I unhappy with who I was, I have struggled with anxiety, depression and bi-polar disorder since I was a child and the older I got the worse it got. Being on hormones and seeing the changes really did help and I started to feel better. Facial hair, a deeper voice all of these things were great. Until I had to shower or take my shirt off. Until my friends wanted to go swimming. Until I wanted to run at the gym or change in the locker room. Until my kids at school asked me to play with them and I quickly made an excuse why I can’t, because I'm scared they'll see my chest. I’ve had different jobs with different insurances, all of which have not covered top surgery. The current job I have will cover part of it, but that still leaves me with nearly 8,000 dollars in expenses. I even applied for Medicaid and got denied. I will be out of work for about 5-7 weeks, which a part of that wont be covered by my job unfortunately. I’ll need to purchase a binder for after surgery as well, as they are not covered either. In the last year, I have been really focused on my fitness and mental health and have lost almost 70 pounds. I want to pursue Personal Training, my new passion, and incorporate it with Mental health. These two things make me incredibly happy, yet doing them brings me such pain and anxiety. I have made all of this progress and when I look in the mirror, I can’t see any of it because of my chest. It does not belong there, it is not my chest. This surgery would allow me to continue on into the next chapter of my life, and continue my journey to my most truest self.
Organizer
Marcus Williams
Organizer
Columbus, OH