surTHRIVING DV

My name is Ashley, and I am an attorney, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend, and I am a survivor of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. January 20, 2021, marked my one-year anniversary of me being free from an incredibly abusive relationship--a relationship that lasted through the entire duration of law school.

"Why didn't you leave?" It is the most common question that is asked of DV Survivors. There are many reasons why DV Survivors have a hard time leaving--financial, your self-esteem is so low from your partner's actions, you start to believe all the things they say about you, you feel (and are) isolated, because your partner strategically forced you to become that way, the abuse is cyclic, so you get a false hope that your partner will change, it is too dangerous to leave, etc. For me, I think it was a combination of the cyclic abuse I was in, and I truly did not want to accept that I was in an abusive relationship because (1) then I'd have to face my reality; and (2) I'd most likely go down a spiral, which would impact my entire legal education, and maybe my career, to an extent.

I was in defensive mode for more than 3 years, until I was finally faced to force my relationship. And that is when the cops came my apartment, the apartment I recently moved in. Many weeks leading up to the DV call, I had been researching about DV on the National Domestic Abuse website---I even attempted to call the hotline at least 5 times before I finally allowed the call to go through.

When I did have to face a very hard and depressive reality, I did go in a spiral. I couldn't control my tears, crying everyday, drinking heavily everyday. I was in a very very very depressive state, and without a legal job, and feeling so embarrassed--like how did I get here?

I couldn't go on with my spiral for too long. I had a lot of line. 3 years of law school, passing the bar exam, just to let some other person consume my life and almost jeopardize everything I worked for? No way. I was the only person, who can pick up the pieces and change my life. And I did. I got the career of my dream, promoted to a high level position in less than a year, and worked on healing me.

That is why I am running for this cause. Because this hotline is so important for many people on similar situations that I was in. This organization helped me in many ways, I want to make sure they can continue to do great things. So, at midnight, June 22, 2022, I am running the Suzuki Midnight Sun Run Marathon in Reykjavik, Iceland.

The reality is, I know several women who have or are experiencing some form of DV. I hope my story inspires you. Just know you are not alone, even though I know you 1000% feel that way. You can have a life where you are and feel valued and important. YOU can do the things YOU want to do, without feeling guilt or scared. And I promise, when you really think about what you want....do it. Write it down. Act. I promise, whatever that thing you want for you, it will happen