Surviving and rebuilding through the loss of my Mom.

I can’t imagine that we as people have ever been more acutely aware of the widespread suffering of others. I would say we’ve been in an especially long endurance test of witnessing what feels like some new horror every day, every hour…every minute if we’re paying attention. It is literally too much to hold. AND I believe the louder and louder call is to re-learn how to dance with each other again. Through all of it. In this great dance, sometimes you’re leaning on me, and other times I’m leaning on you. But, wow does it feel so much more uncomfortable (to me) to do the leaning. And that’s what life is asking from me now. I’ve lost my Mom. It’s taken almost everything I have in me, and there’s still so much to do.

The short version of what's going on:

My Mom had a stroke this past April. I stayed with her in the hospital for a month, every night and sometimes over days when my sister had to work. Then we spent 3 weeks in rehab. After that, my Mom came home where I was her caregiver while she was under 24 hour care. My Mom is SO strong, and amazing, and she kept her sense of humor, and in some ways her recovery was truly miraculous. And two months to the date of her coming home she had another large stroke. And she was gone.

Now, it’s been 2 months since her passing. In this portal that we all go through eventually. As either care giver, care receiver, and likely both. There have been so many moments with my Mom when the veil is so thin between what feels intimately and uniquely ours, and that which is so mind-bendingly universal. The many ways we love each other. Laugh together. Eat together. Cry together. And say goodbye before we’re ready.

I am SO grateful I got to be there with her and for her, and get a little extra time together. This summer was one of the biggest gifts of my life. Only behind having her as a Mom in the first place. There has been so much beauty, grace, and power. And it has also been incredibly challenging and indescribably painful. Spiritually, I’ve never felt stronger, and emotionally, mentally, physically I’ve never felt more bone tired than I do right now.

In the last 6 months I’ve been partially or fully unable to work. And now I’m asking for support to help me catch my breath, get a handle on all the unexpected bills and expenses that come with settling affairs, and closing out a life, while trying to also maintain my own. To take real care of myself while I do it all on the last fumes of capacity I have left. This will allow me to have some space through the end of the year so I can continue to properly grieve, get back on my feet, and return to my work which I love so much, feeling resourced enough to continue to share the gifts this time has given me.

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Being alive is both gorgeous and harrowing. Sometimes it feels very hard to be on this planet. My highest aim is to do what I can to help make our time here feels a little bit easier, to turn lead into gold.

If you want to read more, you can dig into the whole journey here:

Let Go Or Be Dragged

Sacrificing Worry On The Altar Of Change

Move Your Ass Girlie * A reader favorite *

The Gambler

If you're new to me: I’m Allison Strickland, I’m an oracular artist and I create Meditation Paintings - this is a channeled art process that combines intuitive reading and mantra to create a talismanic artwork to serve the collector as a tool for calling in their highest desires and transformation. My art practice informs my spiritual practice and vice versa, and ultimately they really aren’t that different. I believe we all have the ability to connect directly with the divine creative force that moves us all. AND I believe that ability is actually wildly human. That this big messy experience (life) is not something to be transcended, but something to relish and delight in for as long as we get to be here.

If you want to learn more about my work in general you can visit my site here

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