Tabby, Vel, and Micky: Our domestic violence story.

Hi! My name is Tabitha. Everyone I know calls me Tabby.

Currently, I'm living with my partner, Vel, and my mom, Micky.

And our abuser.

Our abuser, and my father, whos name will be private, has made our lives a living hell.

For the sake of legality and clarity, he will be further referred to as "D".

And today, I am finally asking for help.

I did want to make a video, or a voice over for this to help with reach,

but unfortunately I am unable because our abuser can hear anything said in my room.

Before I tell you our story, I want to tell you about us.

--

As for myself, I am a young, neuro-divergent adult with a passion for art and speech.

I have always loved drawing, and I got my first drawing tablet at age 9. I had been drawing for much longer, and honestly, it's one of the only things that keeps me alive.

I've drafted many video essays about topics that interest me, as well. I've tried many times to make work out of my art or scripts, but in my current climate, it feels impossible.

Still, I hope to become a streamer and artist someday.

I met my partner, Vel, online, on a game. Now, we are living together, and I love him with all of my heart.

At the same time, I feel immense guilt and regret letting him move in in our current circumstances.

I also have 3 cats, who I would do anything for. They are also suffering due to this man.

I tried holding many jobs, in fact, I've had 6 jobs since 2021.

Currently, under this environment, it is a struggle just to stay alive.

Currently, I do the chores for some extra money.

--

My mom, Micky, is an amazing papercraft artist, she makes the most thoughtful greeting cards.

She dreams of selling her cards on etsy and sustaining herself.

I am her only child, and she is in her 60s, yet because of this foul man, we never got to have a normal life or a normal relationship.

We never got to go anywhere together.

Currently, she is being forced to support almost all of us as D wastes away his own money,

which has stopped us from moving on our own.

--

My partner, Vel.

Moved to be with me, and is currently working and helping support me, which I am ever thankful for, every day of my life.

Vel loves gaming, but also has a keen side, attuned to being an amazing locksmith and an affinity for computer science.

They comprehend things I could never dream to.

Currently, shes unable to continue her Comp Sci classes due to our situation, as well.

Vel is one of the reasons we aren't homeless currently.

--

The abuser, D.

D was not always a bad man. I did used to care for him. I did used to love him as my father.

In fact, I loved him for a very long time, even during all the events you will read today.

Unfortunately, I don't think that man is around any more.

When I was young, D would take me on his motorcycle and do donuts in the snow.

D would teach me to use a bicycle, he would take me sledding.

The last time I remember being cared for, I was 9.

I want that to be known.

--

While I tell my story, I am someone who suffers from extreme memory loss due to CPTSD (and other mental health conditions) caused by my long term situation(s).

All dates and occurrences, and any timelines will be approximated with a year, unfortunately I don't remember a majority of dates, or positive occurrences in my life.

--

Past this point, discussions of grooming, rape, physical and mental abuse,

as well as child endangerment and neglect will be discussed in detail.

Please take care of yourself, and if you cannot continue, do not.

This is my story. It is a very long story.

Previously, the arrangement was me, my mother, her parents, and D.

D and my mother were never married.

After my grandfathers passing, we, as a family, could not afford to keep the house.

It has since been torn down, and we were forced to move.

My grandmother split to Maryland, and me, D, and my mom moved to Florida.

We moved to our current area in Florida in 2010 after my grandpa passed, when I was 8.

Only a couple months after living with just us 3, things took a turn.

I had a Desktop computer. This computer was stationed in the living room.

I asked multiple times if I could move this to my room.

I was not allowed.

Every night, I would use the computer to play games and talk to my friends, who were my only escape.

D would leave on true crime shows, horror movies, and all kinds of media consisting of sex and gore. Then, it got worse.

D would openly consume "hard core" pornographic content in front of me, for years.

In the same living room, 10 feet away from me. Every night. There was no separation like a wall,

he knew I was there, every night. I was groomed.

I was allowed to move my computer but the damage was done. My mother never found out until years later.

Another activity he would engage in is smoking marijuana at late hours, 12 - 5 am. On its own, I'd have no issue.

I had insomnia, and I would often be awake because he would not help me get medication.

He would take me out on the guise of "Getting snacks." I wouldn't know if he was high or not.

D would speed, 20,30,40 above the speed limit, I would cry and beg him to stop. D would not.

In these trips, D would often take me to meet his dealers,

I knew one specific one named Princess. It was later found he was entangled with her.

This occurred for years, from when I was 10 up until i was 14.

Now, I can't drive due to the trauma. My hands and knees lock, and the flashbacks immediately begin.

It even took me years to feel okay sitting in the passenger seat. Even now, I am hyper-vigilant in cars.

While, this in and of itself is horrific, this was the abuse I personally endured until the following.

However, my mother has been the victim of financial abuse by this man for as long as I remember.

During this time, he would hold our money hostage, not pay rent, and buy drugs.

First it was Marijuana, When I was 11, I found a spoon with a burn mark under it in the bathroom.

I didn't know what it was at the time. I don't know how long the use continued. OR how long it HAD been happening.

Something that would happen often is my personal belongings would get pawned by him for temporary money.

I would, obviously, get none of this money.

D pawned my Wii, which was a Christmas gift from my grandfather, my DS, my 3ds, games I had,

and anything else of value. He would generally buy them back 2 weeks later.

I don't have any of those belongings anymore. He stopped buying them back.

When I turned 12, I got a boyfriend. This boyfriend turned out to be sexually abusive.

Unfortunately, due to the grooming, I thought this was normal.

Eventually, the boy lived with us, because his family was extremely poor.

This boy would assault me, physically, sexually, and emotionally, almost every day.

I was stuck in a relationship with him until I was 14.

One day, the day I finally broke. We were sitting in my room, and he was on my computer, as was our normal.

Sitting in my plastic chair, I made a remark, I don't remember what happened or how. All I remember was the boy choking me, I fell to the hard tile ground, I blacked out, and I woke up unclothed. On Thanksgiving of 2014, I broke up with him.

I don't know how long I was out, and I've come to the realization it's possible I now suffer brain damage from this incident.

After I left that boyfriend, and he "moved out", my entire social life turned on me. I was bullied at school relentlessly, daily.

I would fight and claw not to go, as I'd have to see that boy every day. D didn't care, only my mom. She tried hard to get me to go.

Eventually we gave up. I was now out of school at this point. I was 14 now.

After this, our housing situation became rocky.

D found out only the year after what happened to me in his own home. This sent D into a drug induced spiral.

He became insanely racist, almost fascist. (We're unsure why, as my boyfriend was white and so is D.)

He was making zero sense, at any time. He was dangerous.

D would enter drug induced psychosis and go on the streets, screaming and shouting at whoever. He would steal more money and not pay rent.

At the same time, an animal hoarding problem began, also originating from him.

First, our neighbors moved, they had a cat who needed a home, we took her.

Then a stray.

And another.

My mother has always been too kind, but even if she said no, it would happen anyways.

We were kicked out of our apartment. 2014.

At that point, we had 6 cats.

We moved into an extremely poor area, which was a trailer park. We moved into a "fixer upper",

because he "knew a guy."

D wouldn't cook anymore, and in reality he had stopped cooking for us altogether for almost 2 years now.

Unfortunately, I was never taught how to cook.

At this point, my mother was completely bedridden, because she was developing MULTIPLE stomach

ulcers simply out of stress, as well as already being disabled. I barely saw her.

We later found out she had 5 to 8 reoccurring large stomach ulcers. D would not let her use the car, or drive her anywhere.

My room had nothing more than a sub floor that had nails sticking out of it, my mattress, and my metal chair and desk that held my computer.

We now had 12 cats. I don't remember how we fed them.

The drug bends got worse. I could hear him every single night, murmuring in the living room, which consisted only of a TV on the floor, one metal chair, and one outdoor patio table. During these nights, he would get louder, and louder, making himself angrier.

He would often cite Hitler or Trump as his "supreme leaders". (Yes, I'm serious). I would listen to him spew all kinds of slurs and hate speech all day and all night. It drove me insane.

I'd argue with him loudly so many times, countless times, I would argue with him.

I lived off of only instant mashed potatoes, coffee, and instant ramen for almost 3 years,

and the very rare nights when he would cook sober.

I didn't / couldn't go outside. I was not in school. I was, "home schooled."

My life continued this way. I would listen to cats yowl for hours and hours.

Wake up, potatoes and coffee, sit in my room for hours and hours, do nothing, stare at the wall, potatoes, sleep.

I lost almost 30 pounds. I developed an eating disorder and body dysmorphia.

I was around 15.

I was also going to the psychiatrist at the time, and after being diagnosed with anxiety,

D denies me access to medication, and he never picks them up. It takes months to get him to pick them up.

One day, I suppose I struck a nerve. I don't remember what it was about, or why.

I do remember hearing him shouting his racial obscenities like he would, and I felt sick that day. "Shut up!" I scream, i bang the wall, it was practically begging.

I do remember myself barricading my room door (it didn't lock or shut really.) with my own body, crying for help.

I do remember D pushing the door with his full force (he was a 50 year old man and I was a 15 year old girl.)

and my head hitting the wall. I fell to the ground.

I do remember him angrily walking to my window AC, removing it, and entering my room, taking belongings of mine, screaming, and leaving.

This was the day any familial care I had for this man disappeared.

This was also one of the worse days. Unfortunately, it only continued to get worse.

We ended up moving, again, to another trailer park, this one was slightly better, again, because he knew a guy.

Our landlord was a friend of his. This would happen often, he'd "know a guy", and keep us off the lease,

so if anything happened we had no protection. This move traumatized me.

We shoved everything we had into a sedan and a couple trips.

On the last trip, it was me, my mom, and D. And ALL of the cats. I remember the cacophony of yowling and screaming.

During the car ride, D and my mom began to argue.

At some point I couldn't take it anymore. I eye the door handle to the car, on the 60mph highway.

"Stop it or I jump!" Through my sobs.

"Do it then, I don't care."

Every time something happened, he remained emotionless. He never cared. He would only raise his voice against us out of hatred or abuse, never out of emotion. He truly did not care. He only cared if he had a place to control.

While, I am thankful my 15 year old self didn't give up quite so easily, this is where my suicidal-ity began.

My willingness to throw away my life just to stop this man.

It remains today.

After moving in, it was now around 2016.

He would often cite Hitler or Trump as his "supreme leaders". (Yes, I'm serious). I would listen to him spew racial slurs all day and all night. It drove me insane. I'd argue with him loudly so many times, countless times, I would argue with him.

My mother, still bedridden, tried to become more involved, she'd try to protect me more.

This situation just continued to get worse.

The drug abuse became worse.

The food scarcity became worse.

Now, I am thankful that I had a much better physical situation now in this house.

However, the abuse became so horrible I couldn't enjoy it.

Once trump was elected, my life became a real, true, living hell. I want to make this clear, I don't care about your politics.

D was high on whatever drugs, absolutely knee deep in psychosis, and he was, for all intents and purposes, fully insane.

He would heil Hitler, throw slurs at those around him.

Every day was fights. Finally, on the night before Thanksgiving in 2016,

I faked a suicide attempt to get him arrested.

This night, he was especially active, and especially heinous. I texted my then-boyfriend to call an ambulance, and I took my pills.

D, berating and verbally abusing my mom, I exit my room with a slam. "I did it! Are you happy now?"

The abuse turned physical, for the first time. He rushes at her and starts choking her. My mom runs out of the house to our neighbors (who we are still close with today.) They call the cops.

He is charged with domestic violence.

Finally, I thought I was free.

I know this story has been very long so far. If you've read it, thank you.

I wish I could condense it but truly this is it condensed. I know it's a lot.

We have been through a lot.

Me and my mom began living alone in that same trailer while D was gone, and finally, finally. I got a restraining order against him, and I didn't have to see him again.

I feel okay. Finally I can go back to school. I try to have a normal teenage life, the one stolen from me. I was 16 now.

After a myriad of suicide attempts due to mental duress I dealt with, I finally go back into school, and I even join dual enrollment. Unfortunately, due to all of the catch up, and my age (I was now 17), I had to drop out and get my GED, as I would not finish school in time for the legal age.

My life was good. Come 2020. I meet Vel! We begin dating, etc.

While the pandemic was horrible for many, It was the only time I had to catch up in my life. D was still trying to sneak his way back into our lives. He would give me $100 a month. (nobody asked him to do this, he volunteered on his own.) My mom would call on him for help very rarely, usually car or yard work.

You must be wondering, how did you come to live with him again?

Misplaced trust, and being fed a lot of lies.

When Vel moved in, we had been dating for 2 years at that point.

It was not out of leisure. His own family life was not safe, but I was ready and excited to have them live with me. At the same time, we began to struggle to pay for this trailer.

We were originally just going to have Vel move into said trailer,

but our landlord, someone who was very close with D, gave me an ultimatum.

I get my drivers license to "prove I am a real adult". His words.

Now, god, did I try. I tried. I sobbed and hurt myself week after week,

forcing myself into the car. I got my permit. He lied. Vel was not allowed to move in.

I did so much research. Everywhere. There was nothing I could do.

D promised me, personally, something he had never done before in my life. Something I percieved as real, earnest, something I thought mattered. I thought it was my father.

no more porn

no more sexual violence true crime

(any visual depiction of r/pe sends me into psychosis. He knows this.)

no more hard drugs

no more hate speech.

no more violence.

I believed him. For one of the first times in my life, I trusted him. We all did.

He knew another guy.

All of those promises have now fell apart. It was all lies.

Now we are here. My first decision as a legal adult had doomed us, and dragged my dear mother and partner into it.

We've been living with D again since March 2023.

That is why I am fundraising today.

Our situation now, while not nearly as bad, (because he doesn't want to go to jail again.) is slowly killing us.

He has his own room, yet he hostile takeovers the living room, he screams at my mom if she tries to watch TV, he screams at the cats we do have for meowing, he screams at anyone for doing anything he doesn't like. It's not safe for us to cook, since the kitchen is open concept to the living room, so again, we are living on boxed and canned food.

Just last night, our internet went down for scheduled maintenance, and me and Vel woke up to screaming, by him. He had barged into my mothers room to emotionally abuse her for a scheduled maintenance. While I write this, I hear him screaming.

Finally, we have reached a breaking point.

--

What is our plan?

While we do have a plan that I cannot detail as to not jeopardize it, we desperately need help to enact it.

We cannot do this in our current state of affairs. My mom is paying half the bills, making it impossible for her to save money to get out, and my partner the same. Even if we start our plan, we would end up homeless.

My goal is enough to get us into a new place to hold us over.

ALL of the money will be going to that and ONLY that.

After we find a new place, I will be going back into psychiatric care, and attempting to get disability, if not, I start working again.

The money will not be reaching D in any way, as he has no access to our financials anymore and hasn't since 2016.

I am so sorry for the long story. My life has felt very long.

Thank you for reading. Please help us.