Taking Jim Home

For those of you that knew Jim, knew him and loved him for his caring nature. Jim gained his angel wings and joined his brother in heaven on early May 2nd.  Jim was born and raised in England, where his sister and other family members still reside. He grew up being the fun and devious kid that was always on an adventure. But he was also the kid that everyone loved! He played soccer, or as he would call it football, for much of his life and was very good at it. He loved watching his English teams playing on the “tele”. Except the little yells when they would do something dumb or miss a goal.

My mom and Jim were married for almost 18 years. In that time they had built the kind of relationship that most wish for.  He cared for her and loved her unconditionally. It wasn’t always easy, as every marriage experiences bumps in the road but they never lost faith in each other.

For the past two years Jim had the unfortunate experience of being diagnosed with dementia, one particularly being vascular dementia.  They believe it may have been initiated by a previous stroke he endured.  As Jim began to become forgetful he would be become agitated because he wasn’t understanding something. It became more and more difficult for my mom to care for him. He she didn’t have the luxury of being able to stay home with him.  She would lock away his medicine to avoid him from re-taking because he forgot he already. She was worried he would go out for a walk and get lost.  It was then she made the tough and devastating decision to move him into a nursing home for dementia patients that were trained and suited to be able to give him the proper care he needed.

His tough story doesn’t end there and if you’ve stuck with me this far you’re almost there! During his time in the nursing home Jim suffered many little strokes.  These strokes causedhim to lose his balance and fall, quite a few times.  He was sent to the hospital on many occasions due to the falls and endured traumatic injuries to his head and face.  But Jim’s a fighter and didn’t give up. After losing a significant amount of weight and being placed on hospice, he decided he just wasn’t done! He kept fighting. He would get up and walk around and interact with other residents in the home. He began to eat more and started gaining weight back.  He really seemed to be doing well given the circumstances.  

Now, here’s where my mom comes in.  My mom was not able to take off work and care for him at home. She was still working her full time cleaning job and taking care of all of the house hold chores.  Almost every single day she would visit Jim. Some days she would bring him breakfast before work, other days it was lunch or she would spend the evening with him.  She was his biggest and best advocate. Nurses praised her for being such a great supporter and voice for her husband while many other residents rarely had visitors. She grew to befriend other residents as well and helped them when the nursing staff were busy and overwhelmed.  During a short staffed day, my mom was the one to tell the nurse which residents needed what.  And if there was something she didn’t approve of, she was the first one to call the Director of the home. She was there a lot. It was a second home but it was exhausting and unsustainable.  Then she was told she could no longer visit. She was devastated but knew that they didn’t want to risk the health of their residents. She was so close with the nursing staff that they would at least FaceTime her so she could see and talk to Jim.

Less than a week before Jim’s passing he was diagnosed with the COVID-19 virus.  His health took an unfortunate turn for the worst. He began to lose circulation and his breathing became very low.  This continued for a almost a week. During this time he was able to hold my Mom’s hand tight, through a blanket. He FaceTimed his kids and family in England. You could tell he could still hear us as he would wiggle and his facial expressions would change based on what he heard. It was comforting and also humbling.  

Through this all he was such a good and kind spirit and didn’t deserve any of this, no one does. And now my Mom wants to fulfill his wishes to go home, to England.  Being a self-employed blue collar worker, medical bills, funeral costs and airfare to fly him home to England just isn’t feasible.  I am asking for your help to take Jim home. Anything will help no matter how small and if you can’t, I understand times are tough for everyone now, please share  this with your friends and family.

Heaven gained a beautiful angel and he is reunited with his Brother, John and loving parents. He is no longer suffering. We love and miss you Jim!