Tam’s Top Surgery!!
Where to even begin...
This journey towards Top Surgery has honestly been the most tiring, challenging, growing and stretching experience of this lifetime for me...
I have learned a lot. I mean, a LOT. I really am a better human after all of this experience SO FAR, and I haven’t even made it to surgery yet...
Just to recap...
I became clear, hearing my soul’s whisper back in August of 2019 that Top Surgery would be the next step of action for the body that I am in now, back in Brooklyn, NY....and after feeling my feelings for a bit, decided to start moving forward with the process in NY, signing up for Insurance and Doctor appointments, and then after a week or two, I received the inspiration to return to Ashland, Oregon (where I mostly live) and decided to jump into the process in Oregon and signed up for surgery in Portland, Oregon through the Oregon Insurance Plan.
A few weeks after jumping over hurdles, faxing papers, doctor appointments, scheduling therapy (to tell people that I am a sane human and this decision makes sense for my body), I was told that surgery would be about a year and a half away (roughly summer of 2021). In December, 2019 after hearing that, I really thought I was fine and continued going to therapy appointments and jumping through the appropriate hoops to move forward with the Insurance game.
January 1st, 2020 was one of the hardest days of my life so far.
After what I thought was a lovely morning flow, waking up, celebrating a new year with a buddy, I completely broke down during a meditation later in the afternoon (alone, in my own flow). I felt strongly the energy and shouting voice of “I can’t do another fucking day in this body!” I saw visions of me taking a knife to my own body and cried like I never have before. For hours. I knew after a while that I needed help, and reached out to my therapist and local doctor to let them know where I was at. I then continued to reach out to some close friends, who immediately showed up in beautiful ways, holding space with my soul.
Shortly after that breakdown, I became clear that I needed to re-align with a path that would be on a faster timeline. I have known that my sanity is very much on the line and it is beyond a trippy experience to wake up one day, in this Human Experience, and realize that the body needs to be changed a bit to actually FEEL like the body/soul and beautiful spirit that you be.
I identify 50% Man and 50% Woman and resonate with Multiple Beings and One Being, (all pronouns resonate, to be clear). I honestly feel like Gender is Neutral and have felt that way for most all of my life. I have used both the Men and Women’s bathroom for years, and have never felt phased by people’s confusion on which Gender Box they should place me in. (I feel like Humans are a bit silly, to be honest..)
After realizing that I need to get Top Surgery, sooner rather than later, I knew that I needed help. I am so clear that I absolutely can not do this alone.
It’s a lot to hold myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually together right now (it is slowly getting easier, I do feel my Spirit getting stronger and stronger each day), and I am clear that I need help with the financial piece.
I originally created this GoFundMe, when I was on a pathway to pay out of pocket, (about $11,000 total) down in Los Angeles, CA, scheduled for May 20, 2020. As I neared the day that all the money was due for the surgery (and realizing that I had not met my financial goal), I felt an invitation to really surrender the Timeline piece of the surgery journey. I finally got to a moment that I surrendered completely, and then felt the inspiration to also let go of the LA location.
It took me a minute to breathe deep and let go of that detail, but after I did, then I immediately felt the inspiration to reach out to a surgeon in Florida and it has felt incredible connecting with their surgeon’s office. Apparently, this sweet man has been performing Top Surgeries in this country for about 15 years now, and is pretty well known. He says some of his time is fixing other surgeon’s shitty jobs, and seemed incredibly confident and very grounded in himself. We talked on the phone for a bit on Monday (May 18), and after he shared all his words, he asked if I had any questions. I asked how he was connected to The Transgender world and if he had any specific experience in his own life before choosing this kind of work.
He told me that 15 years ago, someone came to him, asking for this surgery, and he felt like ‘sure, maybe I could do that.’ And after the surgery, the new human was so amazed by the results that they told everybody, and after a few days, the number of people reaching out to him to perform Top Surgery continued to grow, until he eventually just made it his one and only practice. He is popular and he is proud of his reputation and I feel really good about lining up with this surgeon.
So, a few details have shifted since lining up with surgery out in Florida and not LA. I will be needing lodging support (looking to rent an AirBnB close by with my caretaker for the 10 days I get to be in town, Pre-OP appointment, actual surgery day and then a follow up appointment days after before leaving town, still recovering/healing), and they are also asking about $3,500 more than what I was thinking so I have shifted the dollar goal on this GoFundMe.
Please, if you feel inspired, donate dollars towards this beautiful transformational time in my life, and/or share this GoFundMe.
**Every single dollar and donation really does count, as more and more people rush over to hold up my wings as I begin to really FLY this life!**
Thank you so much to every single person that has donated and prayed and reached out and held space in person and facilitated a deliberate healing session with me so far, in this journey....
I will rise stronger, on the other side...I’m clear of this.
I’m so grateful for you.
Many blessings to all. <3 
(And please feel free to follow my heart’s journey through my Blog as well..
https://intwobodiesinonelife.wordpress.com )
