Tenley’s Memorial
Donation protected
Hello,
I want to start off by saying I am a single mom of a beautiful baby girl and a beautiful angel baby.
My girls, Tenley and Keira were born at 26w1d on February 24th 2019.
From the very beginning, they had to fight for their lives. Born just under two lbs, Tenley and Keira amazed everyone with being able to breath on their own with just needing extra oxygen.
For the first few weeks, the girls showed signs of improvement and started to gain some weight. After four weeks of being in the NICU, gestational week 30, both girls hit 1000 grams. It was one of the best days I’d had in a long time, them meeting that milestone.
I was at the hospital four to five days out of the week making sure I held each girl, sang to them and comforted them. They were both so responsive to me. Within minutes of holding my sweet girl, she would fall into a deep sleep, knowing she was safe on my chest.
However, halfway through the first week of April Tenley became sick. They became very worried about her wellbeing very quickly. She had a very high temperature, she wasn’t being as responsive as she always had been, her rosey pink color had changed to grey and she started to retain fluids.
Tenley fought for her her life every single day she was here on this earth. She was beautiful, patient, loving and so sooo curious about everything she saw. Her disposition was amazing, even at such a young age. You could tell that her soul was so kind and gentle.
Day after day, I would get phone calls from their Doctors telling me updates on how she was doing. Most days it was positive news: Tenley is stable, she’s showing signs of improvement, her color is pink again. But not every day.
4am Saturday 5/11 “ Tenley’s blood gas is at a 6 and there is acid in her blood, she’s not currently critical but we feel it’s important that you come in sooner rather than later today.”
I showed up to the hospital where my girls were being cared for and there was a sign on the door to their room “please check with the nurse before entering”. After being there for a little bit, I had an in person conversation with their Doctor and the news I was given broke my heart into pieces.
”Your daughter Tenley is not going to make it. Too much has happened and there is nothing more we can do. At this point, all we are doing is possibly buying more time. It could be hours, days or maybe even weeks. But she is going to die.”
I commend that doctor for being able to tell me the whole ugly truth day. He asked me to start thinking about what my options were: keep letting them do everything they could to extend her life for a few more days. Or, start taking away her supports and her medications and let her go. I left the hospital that morning heart broken. I had to choose to let her die on her own, potentially without me. Or choose to say goodbye to her with her on my chest.
After what seemed like hours, I knew in my heart was was best for her. Well I let the doctor know that saying goodbye and being with her for that process was more important than her having just a few more days. She was in a lot of pain and was on constant pain killers to help keep her sedated. I held her that day for almost 9 hours. Because in my mind I could just hold on and maybe JUST maybe she would get better.
At the end of the day, I knew she wasn’t going to get any better, but at least I could make the hard choice for her, as any mother should, and do what is best for my daughter. It went against EVERY fiber in my being to let her die. To have to have that choice of “yes, it’s time. Tomorrow evening we will remove her intubation tube and hold her while she takes her last breath.”
I stayed up all night staring at the ceiling - knowing that on my first Mother’s Day, May 12 2019, I would have to say goodbye to my first born child. My beautiful, patient, curious wonderful child. That day was one of the longest and hardest days of my entire life. She fought so hard for 77 days but in the end, it was time for her to leave.
She got to spend an hour with her sister in the same bed and both of them seemed to calm instantly. They were both so happy to be together again, even if I knew it was for a really short time. I knew that would be important.
Sunday evening, both girls were transferred down to a private courtyard where we sat together, cried together and then said our last goodbye to my daughter Tenley. The sun was shining, the birds chirping, a slight breeze blowing. All for her ❤️
I held her for hours, not wanting to let her go.
I am asking for help with the cost of her headstone and burial. If there is anything left over or people choose to give separately - it will go towards my other daughter Keira and anything she still needs. We appreciate anything you are willing to contribute towards my daughters burial.
Thank you,
Hannah Lockwood
I want to start off by saying I am a single mom of a beautiful baby girl and a beautiful angel baby.
My girls, Tenley and Keira were born at 26w1d on February 24th 2019.
From the very beginning, they had to fight for their lives. Born just under two lbs, Tenley and Keira amazed everyone with being able to breath on their own with just needing extra oxygen.
For the first few weeks, the girls showed signs of improvement and started to gain some weight. After four weeks of being in the NICU, gestational week 30, both girls hit 1000 grams. It was one of the best days I’d had in a long time, them meeting that milestone.
I was at the hospital four to five days out of the week making sure I held each girl, sang to them and comforted them. They were both so responsive to me. Within minutes of holding my sweet girl, she would fall into a deep sleep, knowing she was safe on my chest.
However, halfway through the first week of April Tenley became sick. They became very worried about her wellbeing very quickly. She had a very high temperature, she wasn’t being as responsive as she always had been, her rosey pink color had changed to grey and she started to retain fluids.
Tenley fought for her her life every single day she was here on this earth. She was beautiful, patient, loving and so sooo curious about everything she saw. Her disposition was amazing, even at such a young age. You could tell that her soul was so kind and gentle.
Day after day, I would get phone calls from their Doctors telling me updates on how she was doing. Most days it was positive news: Tenley is stable, she’s showing signs of improvement, her color is pink again. But not every day.
4am Saturday 5/11 “ Tenley’s blood gas is at a 6 and there is acid in her blood, she’s not currently critical but we feel it’s important that you come in sooner rather than later today.”
I showed up to the hospital where my girls were being cared for and there was a sign on the door to their room “please check with the nurse before entering”. After being there for a little bit, I had an in person conversation with their Doctor and the news I was given broke my heart into pieces.
”Your daughter Tenley is not going to make it. Too much has happened and there is nothing more we can do. At this point, all we are doing is possibly buying more time. It could be hours, days or maybe even weeks. But she is going to die.”
I commend that doctor for being able to tell me the whole ugly truth day. He asked me to start thinking about what my options were: keep letting them do everything they could to extend her life for a few more days. Or, start taking away her supports and her medications and let her go. I left the hospital that morning heart broken. I had to choose to let her die on her own, potentially without me. Or choose to say goodbye to her with her on my chest.
After what seemed like hours, I knew in my heart was was best for her. Well I let the doctor know that saying goodbye and being with her for that process was more important than her having just a few more days. She was in a lot of pain and was on constant pain killers to help keep her sedated. I held her that day for almost 9 hours. Because in my mind I could just hold on and maybe JUST maybe she would get better.
At the end of the day, I knew she wasn’t going to get any better, but at least I could make the hard choice for her, as any mother should, and do what is best for my daughter. It went against EVERY fiber in my being to let her die. To have to have that choice of “yes, it’s time. Tomorrow evening we will remove her intubation tube and hold her while she takes her last breath.”
I stayed up all night staring at the ceiling - knowing that on my first Mother’s Day, May 12 2019, I would have to say goodbye to my first born child. My beautiful, patient, curious wonderful child. That day was one of the longest and hardest days of my entire life. She fought so hard for 77 days but in the end, it was time for her to leave.
She got to spend an hour with her sister in the same bed and both of them seemed to calm instantly. They were both so happy to be together again, even if I knew it was for a really short time. I knew that would be important.
Sunday evening, both girls were transferred down to a private courtyard where we sat together, cried together and then said our last goodbye to my daughter Tenley. The sun was shining, the birds chirping, a slight breeze blowing. All for her ❤️
I held her for hours, not wanting to let her go.
I am asking for help with the cost of her headstone and burial. If there is anything left over or people choose to give separately - it will go towards my other daughter Keira and anything she still needs. We appreciate anything you are willing to contribute towards my daughters burial.
Thank you,
Hannah Lockwood
Organizer
Hannah Lockwood
Organizer
Tualatin, OR