The Stott Family Expansion

As a family, we are typically private and independent in our struggles, but we are pausing now to ask for help. Not many know our full story, even those close to us. While we have conquered many challenges over the past few years, we would very much appreciate those interested in helping, or just learning more about the journey of expanding a family through foster and adoption.

When we first talked about starting a family, we talked about both adoption and having biological children. We seemed to already know our path. Patty has a genetic connective tissue disorder in her family and, while the inheritance rate is supposed to be 50%, it seems to be closer to 100% for the past few generations. Knowing the odds, we sat in on international adoption meetings before ever considering trying to have biological children, just to learn about that path. As young adults in our mid-20s, the price tag to adopt internationally seemed daunting. Ultimately, we decided to start a family biologically. Patty, having connective tissue issues, mentally committed to bearing two children, knowing that we could circle back to adoption in the future. We were blessed with two amazing children, Haleigh and Ronan, that drove Patty’s ambition in her career, as both inherited the connective tissue disorder. We raised these children while always talking about expanding the family down the road. From a young age, they knew that other siblings would be joining us.

We were pleasantly distracted by our children, work, and life, as we spent the first six years of the kids' life around the Washington, D. C. area. Though we were surrounded by the most amazing family and friends (seriously - the best working family too!), something didn’t feel right. The more time ticked by, the more not-right things felt. For a number of reasons, we were pulled to Colorado. The call of the mountains.

We moved from a stable, amazing, supported environment, to not knowing anyone. Tom’s mom moved in with us to help out with the kids as we settled into a new area with new jobs. Frustratingly, we watched the cost of living in this area rapidly increase to D. C. rates, while salaries stayed the same. We struggled. The house we bought was a fixer-upper. Patty had just had hip surgery before our move. We moved in and didn’t realize the house had mold issues. With multiple family members having poorly functioning immune systems, this was a harsh deal. We both jumped back into working multiple jobs and quickly became overworked and overstressed, living in a house that needed major work. That first year in Colorado also found Patty suffering through a significant health flare-up.

Between the hip surgery, stress at work, and mold exposure, Patty's underlying connective tissue issues caused her system to crash. She tried to return to martial arts, her lifelong passion, for some mental health support and ended up making things worse. She injured herself and caused a massive increase in symptoms from spinal cord tethering, something which is more common with the genetic condition she has. As stress, work, and family responsibilities piled up, Patty's health continued to spiral downhill as she developed several additional issues more common with her genetic conditions such as cranial and spinal cerebrospinal fluid leaks, intracranial pressure issues, and worsening upper cervical instability. While she knew the stress from work was not manageable, her passion for answering more questions about her genetic condition and the issues she was dealing with pushed her onward. While she had to continually reduce her hours at work, her research into how to help herself and those like her soared. She is now a specialist in her field regarding mostly everything that those with connective tissue disorders deal with.

Even though Patty was becoming a specialist, her health didn't allow her to keep up her hours at work. At the same time, Tom was struggling with ethical issues at his place of employment. In 2019, we both decided to make another big change. Patty realized she needed to open her own practice, and Tom decided his calling was to become a teacher. After building up debt from Patty being unable to work a full-time schedule, and Tom switching to a new job, the pandemic hit.

Fast forward a few years, and we have dug tooth and nail to find stability. Patty has her business up and is happily overcommitted to expanding her practice to help those with connective tissue disorders. During non-clinic hours, she is involved in developing non-surgical treatment strategies, education, and research for the conditions associated with the connective tissue problem. Tom is five years into teaching, and, this past year, has transitioned from middle to high school, where he is also able to coach year-round. It's been a long road, as we continue to pay off debt and find our footing. Somewhere in all this transition, though, the topic of foster/adoption reentered the equation.

Being in and working through debt, international adoption was once again out of the question. We decided to proceed in growing our family through local adoption, which, in our area, is the foster-to-adopt path. Our first "match" was with Lila, a 15-year-old who wasn't sure she would ever find her place in a family. While riddled with many ups and downs, we've now lived together for over two years, and Lila was adopted last summer; she is now a Stott! As we all continue to work hard to make a better life for each other, the discussion of providing a loving place for other humans has persisted. Once Lila felt comfortable in the Stott family, we began to entertain the idea of opening up our hearts and house to others, but it's been a rough road.

In looking to "complete" our family, we have trialed several other placements since Lila moved in. Sadly, in every instance, the children placed here locally have not been prepared for family life, let alone adoption, and we will condense the story as that. We don’t need to explore the details, but we have been left feeling unsafe, even with significant work and intervention. For those of you who know us best, we are both patient and persistent people; we try really gosh darn hard to make things work! These experiences left us feeling unsettled, and we began to ask the question, "What if we were always right?"

It seems to be the pattern in our life - things coming around full circle. The topic of international adoption started reentering our family equation. We knew we had the space for love in our hearts, and we have a bedroom to provide a physical home for another child or sibling set. With instincts that are usually spot on, we have decided to pursue international adoption. So, why are we asking for help?

We are still in the throes of establishing our paths. Patty is crushing it, publishing research journal articles, finishing final edits on a book, and paving the way in producing educational material. While her work is extremely rewarding and beneficial to both her field and the patient population she belongs to, much of it is not financially compensated. At the same time, Tom is working diligently to establish himself as a teacher and coach at the high school level but is having to work extra jobs to supplement a teacher's salary. We find ourselves ready to grow our family at the soul level but struggling to produce the initial fees necessary to bring a child/children into our family from abroad.

Our plan is pretty open-ended. We are hopeful to provide a family to an older child or sibling set from the Philippines. Believe it or not, due to age and multiple siblings, these kiddos are actually considered "special needs children." Any of the money we raise from this fundraiser will be used directly for the fees related to adoption. If any additional money is accrued, we will start a savings account to help provide for further education. An adoption for one child from this area can cost up to $50,000, and we are not yet sure if we will have one or more children matched with us.

In addition to this fundraiser, we have applied for (and are applying for more) any adoption grants we can find through non-profit adoption organizations. Sadly, however, none of these grants are guaranteed. We plan on doing local fundraisers, as well as some outreach through other online spaces. Any support that you can offer will be greatly and deeply appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. All the good vibes from our family to yours.