The World's Most Expensive Baby - IVF Fund

My name is Marriette and I'm trying to have a baby. And this baby is a very expensive one.

Perhaps you know me, perhaps you don't. Many of you won't know that I've been trying to conceive a baby alone for the past two and a half years. It's been so personal and painful that I’ve kept it pretty close to my chest. For those who did know and were in it with me, thank you for being there for me.

I'll start with the back story.

My last relationship ended just before Covid. Being in and out of lockdowns, I lost a good couple of years of potentially meeting someone. Just as the world began to return to normal, my own life tipped on its head as I found out that due to an operation I had on my ovaries in my early thirties, my egg reserve had, unbeknownst to me, been severely depleted. Often patients are advised to freeze their eggs beforehand. This was not suggested to me by doctors, so I hadn’t frozen any eggs.

Basically the news was - I was on my last eggs.

All my ideas of having a family had to change overnight, from the more usual scene of a couple and a baby, to that of a solo parent. If I wanted to have children, I needed to try immediately. And I do really want children. So I did.

First thing I did was change jobs so that I would have more money incoming, as I knew this was going to be expensive.

I live in Germany, which has a great healthcare system for those who are pregnant or with babies. This makes sense - Germany has an aging and declining population. It needs babies. But if you require help making a baby, it's a different story. For IVF to be covered by our (relatively expensive) public health insurance you have to be in a married couple. In 2024. So despite being a naturalized German citizen, having paid tax and health insurance in Germany for 18 years, I am not allowed any financial support to help with my reproductive health problem. (Single women have only been allowed to access IVF in Germany since 2018). Which if I'm honest was a bit of a punch in the face.

I have now had multiple rounds of IVF trying to grab my own very scarce eggs. The first and only embryo I managed to create, with a sperm donor, sadly deteriorated on the transfer day. I had not been told this was even a possibility, so it hit me hard. That was after a year and a half of endurance.

Here is my experience in numbers...

71 doctors appointments.

88 train journeys.

51 hours in the waiting room.

39 blood tests.

17 self-administered injections in the stomach.

1 friend almost fainting from watching said injections in the stomach.

3 general anaesthetics.

1 operation on my uterine lining to remove a polyp so I would be ready for the embryo transfer.

1 more operation to remove the polyp as they didn’t do it properly the first time.

1 bank loan.

1 bank of Mum and Dad loan.

16,000€ spent.

Tears, bruises and hours spent lying awake in bed - countless.

Friends stepping up in untold ways - also countless.

And so after a year and a half, I decided it was time to call it a day on my own eggs. The monthly injections and monthly bills were too often accompanied by devastatingly unjust days, like being told I had ovulated over the weekend when the clinic was closed, or that I was in trouble with the tax office for not filing the correct paperwork when working extra jobs to try and pay for it all.

It’s been a battle.

So my next move is Denmark. Where I'm heading for double donor IVF - egg and sperm. Germany, conservative as it is, doesn't allow egg donors.

I'm gonna be real here, this has been the hardest experience of my life. It really knocked my socks off. I had to take a month off work. For the first time in my life I had to take anti-depressants. But it's been a baptism of fire that will hopefully end up in a baby, not with me going up in flames.

Now I am revving up for round two. I'm strapping myself in and this time I am asking for help. I could take another loan, and believe me I have kept myself awake many nights thinking about whether to do a gofundme or not. I feel incredibly vulnerable doing this. If I take another loan, the loan repayments will be crippling, especially as a single parent. So here I am.

If you can afford it, any donation to my cause would be very gratefully received. And if you can think of someone else that may want to donate, please pass it on to them. If you know someone going through the same ordeal, please share my story with them. I have found it helpful to know that I am not alone in this and it might help them too.

And if you donate a lot, I’ll name the baby after you ;)

Update: (Aug 2024)

Just so people know, I am still waiting patiently for my Danish fertility clinic to make it all happen. Hilariously the first Danish clinic I was with, after me being on their waiting list for 3 months, went bankrupt. So I was passed to the very bottom of the waiting list of another clinic and there I have been waiting ever since. But I think I'm pretty close to Go-Day.

And after I first posted I decided I wanted to try and help change things. So I reached out to journalist friends at the Deutsch Welle, who then wrote an article about how jarringly unfair the healthcare system is to single women trying to procreate in Germany. My first fertility doctor literally told me to just go out and sleep with men. Incredibly unethical not to mention risky for my health. I really don't think I should get into thousands of euros of debt because I chose to do the right thing.

The article is here.

So here I am, still very much in it. Hoping the next time I do an update, it will be with some really smashing, baby-shaped news!

❤️