Supporting victims of domestic violence

**TRIGGER WARNING - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE**

I close my eyes and see my mum, lying unconscious on the floor; her head next to the iron, I am 14 years old – what could possibly have happened? I close my eyes and hear my mums scream upstairs, gasping for air as her head is relieved for a fraction of a second from the bathtub of water. I close my eyes and see my mum with a lump the size of a tennis ball on the side of her head, accompanied by a shining black eye from being hit around the head with a vase – her skull has been fractured; it was her fault though because she attended a birthday spa trip with her sister. How dare she try and have a relationship with her family.

She is late home from work, her colleagues silently weeping at her attempt to conceal her black eye under her make-up, it's really hard to remember what she looks like without one. She recites that familiar line that she’s fallen down the stairs again, she’s so clumsy!

Today she’s wearing lipstick?! How dare she, it must mean that she is trying to attract the postman, and for this surely, she must deserve to be locked in the downstairs bathroom, with no way out as the handle has been taken off.

She isn’t allowed to work today, he takes her car, but she must feed her children. What other option does she have than to cycle the 12-mile journey so that she can feed her children?

Her stomach is bleeding, and she needs a doctor urgently, but seeing a doctor may expose her situation – her cesarean scar is split open just 6 weeks after giving birth from a size 12 kick to the stomach.

She is looking too fat; she must lose weight because he doesn't like fat women. Now she’s too skinny! She must eat more, he doesn’t like skinny women either! She will do anything to please him, and she’s all too familiar with the other women that she is competing with, she has seen the messages and the late-night stop-outs. But let’s not forget it is she who is trying to lure the postman, she is a disgrace.

He feels her pulling away, giving up, and retreating into herself and her impossible situation. Right on queue, here comes the love bombing! The all-consuming, intense love she so desperately craves, because she loves this man, the father of her youngest children, and doesn’t want to ‘fail’ once again.

She feels like the only woman in the world and is up at the crack of dawn wearing her black eye, making him his favorite breakfast. She knows she doesn’t have long until the house isn’t clean enough, or his dinner isn’t to standard, so she must enjoy this sweet moment before the cycle starts once again.

This is just a 1% snapshot of my mum’s story, who lived at the hands of constant physical and emotional abuse for over a decade of her life, cut short as she passed away in August 2019 from the knock-on effect of domestic violence. The perpetrator is still free to live his life as he pleases.

You may ask yourself why someone does not leave this situation, and until you have experienced such a situation, it is hard to understand the mental and physical barriers that are there. My mum sought the good in everyone, a blessing of her personality but ultimately a curse.

Her story is not unique and is a tiny grain of sand on an impossibly long stretch of beach. I want to use her story to raise awareness for the hundreds of millions of women (and men) who are suffering at the hands of an abuser, in their home, where they should feel safe because this is a basic human right.

In Australia, 1 in 6 women will experience physical violence in the home whilst 1 in 4 will experience emotional abuse. There were 1.8 million reported cases of domestic violence against women in the UK in 2022 - this is a 7.7% increase from 2021. The true numbers will be so much higher and this is an issue not spoken about enough.

On 12th October, I will be travelling solo to Nepal to attempt Everest Base Camp, a 13-day trek - 130km in length and 5.6km in altitude. I spoke about this dream for years with my mum and as a woman, I want to show courage and strength and that we are capable of anything we put our minds to. Over the next few months, I will be putting myself through a tough training process alongside fundraising for Refuge UK and White Ribbon Australia in admiration of my late mum. I chose these two charities as I have been living in Australia for three years but my family is in the UK so it feels right to try and make a difference in both places.

Any donations will help women and children into safehouses and allow them to transition safely back into society with full support.

100% of any donations will go to these two charities and I really hope we can make a small difference.

Thank you so much in advance! xx