Jay’s Top Surgery Fund!

 

     Hey everyone! My name is Jay,  and I'm a FtM (Female to Male) transgendered individual.  I've never asked for help like this, but I really could use your help in my upcoming Gender-Affirming Surgery.

 

But first, I think I should share a bit more about myself. ( Don't worry, a TLDR version is at the very bottom!)

 

Who Am I?

     I’m just your average 28 year old nerd/artist/animal enthusiast that's lived in Southern California all my life.  I work full-time at a non-profit Animal Welfare Organization and Shelter in Los Angeles, specifically in our Neonatal kitten department.  We get puppies on occasion, too!  I'm coming on 2 years of working with this wonderful organization, though it really doesn't feel that long.  I absolutely adore my job and every life I touch there, both human and animal.  

     I have a great passion for all things nature, there’s not a day I’d turn down going for a day hike and exploring a backtrail.  I ADORE getting to observe all kinds of life in it's natural environment, and have grown quite the addiction to photographing any strange or small critters I can find.  I love to express myself through art, with fantasy creatures and animals being my main focus.  When I was still in high school, I entertained dreams of working as a game developer/concept artist.   Most of my work has become digital, but I genuinely enjoy trying out different mediums from time to time.  It's always been such a peaceful escape for me.

Rocky Beginnings


     I can’t quite pinpoint when my feelings of dysphoria first began.  I was always a ‘tomboy’, preferring to play outside with my male kid friends, and had so much enthusiasm for dinosaurs,  dragons, and other fantastical creatures from an early age.  Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are destined to be gender dysphoric, or can't simply just like these things.  However, I had always felt left out.  I never really had many friends, and dealing with the divorce of my father and stepmom in the midst of Elementary really didn't help that fact. 

     I can remember a few key instances I was teased for being a ‘girl’ that liked so many different things.   Still, the friends I did have were definitely good ones.  As a kid, I loved playing outside, doing all of those stereotypical "boy" things.   One key memory that comes to mind was a time I was about 8.  We were playing in my family's backyard and we were talking about what names we'd like instead of our actual names.  Ironically enough, one of them was Jay.  It's something that I didn't really think much about until the decision of choosing a new name for myself resurfaced.  It's funny how one single letter can change the whole feel of a name.   

     I continued to age, and this is really where I began to not feel like myself.  My more 'feminine' body features were slow to develop, but by the time I was 15 I remember how unbearably uncomfortable it was.  I recall complaining about the weight and discomfort I was feeling to my family.   I was also late to begin my 'cycle', I was 16 and a half.   Plus side was that I knew what to expect, and no "talk" was really necessary.  None of that mattered, though.  I just felt “off” but I really didn’t have a word for the way I was feeling.  

     Gender dysphoria for myself has always been a tricky thing for me to describe.  It's like feeling yourself existing in your body, and recognizing that it's yours, but not fully feeling that it is.  It's like carrying this awful sense of not being in the right skin, like you're suffocating, but in a much slower sense.  That, coupled with my already developing anxiety issues, was miserable at best.

     2011 was the first time I came out as Transgender.  I was 19, and still having issues fully expressing myself to my therapist of the time.  I was young, and a product of verbal and emotional abuse before/during/after my parents' divorce. My family members weren’t the most supportive either, and just couldn’t rap their head around it.  To them, and others knowing me since childhood, this was just some sort of, “phase”.  

     Somewhere along the way I managed to guilt myself into thinking that it was something that no one was ever going to accept.  That I wasn’t worth feeling like myself.  I began to talk less and less about these feelings and thoughts that plagued my mind.  The moments leading up to this point have been long and difficult. I wanted so badly to be treated normally and stop being guilted by family and others who just didn’t understand what I was feeling.  To think that I really thought my best option was to just stew and hope it would all go away.   

     Last year, around July of 2020, I officially came out a second time.  I was wildly surprised by the positive reaction that I received from friends and and soon after, coworkers.  It was vastly different than the initial response I had received those 9 years ago, and I could not be more grateful.  The largest part of keeping to much pain all to myself was a genuine fear of rejection and abandonment from everyone in my life.  I am happy to have found that for the most part, this was not the case.  

     I have never felt the sense of relief that I have from fully expressing myself as I have then.  I no longer feel the need to live my life under the guise as someone I'm not.  And for that I am so, so grateful.

What your donation will do to help me:

-Greatly improve my anxiety and depression.
My chest is the largest contributor to my gender dysphoria. It has been a large part of my social anxiety and general unhappiness for a very long time.  No amount of binding or wearing loose clothing can fully flatten my chest, which of course has caused numerous struggles with my physical and mental health.  

-Stop associated physical discomfort and pain. Binding to reduce chest size is a physically taxing experience, especially for those with a larger bust (like myself). With long-term use, it can lead to discomfort, bruising, and permanent deformation of the ribcage. The extra weight has also put a great strain on my existing c-curve scoliosis, though only a minor factor in comparison.

-Help me recover with peace of mind.
Although my insurance has a policy to help with surgery cost, it covers only 80% of the initial surgery itself. This does not cover any complications or additional costs that may arise during or after the surgery/recovery. Due to my living expenses/rent, I am more or less living paycheck to paycheck.  So, I may not be able to afford unforeseen time off without pay. Reaching my fund goal will make the entire process much more achievable, and therefore put less strain on my already tight budget.




Cost Breakdown:

Cost of Double-Incision Top Surgery (with insurance coverage)
1,800
+ 750 Deductible

Cost of Travel Expenses (via train and transportation to and from surgery location):
150

Cost of rooming during surgery recovery (low cost option in SF):
600

-Funds saved as of 3-9: 900 (rounded)

=2,400

Please note that these are estimated totals. Although all aspects were researched and well thought-out, the sum of expenses may be -slightly- less or more than the generalized cost. If any funds are left over, they would be used toward:

1. My current HRT Therapy (Testosterone Cypionate injections), which I am currently paying completely out of pocket due to insurance troubles. 

2. Savings toward my future bottom surgery.

Thank you!

Whether you choose to donate or not, please consider taking the time to share my story and improve reach!  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're helping me achieve something that I've struggled with for many, many years.

I absolutely do not want to make anyone feel obligated to contribute, or even share a link.  In fact, if there are other obligations or loved ones that you need to lend financial assistance to, please go do so now.  Do it!

 

This is truly only the beginning of my journey.
My surgery consult is upcoming on February 17th. Once I have spoken with my surgeon, I will continue to update through the entire process. I am beyond excited to share this experience with you guys, and am grateful that you've taken the time to read my story.  You're amazing, thank you. ❤

If you have any questions about this Gofundme, or anything at all, please feel free to reach out to me on social media.  I have a pretty hectic schedule lately, but I will do my absolute best to get back with you as soon as I am able!

https://www.facebook.com/thatdamndevildog/

https://www.instagram.com/thatdamndevildog/

https://www.deviantart.com/sllther

 

TLDR: Due to my own income constraints, I need your help to achieve my fund goal for Gender Affirming surgery.  Surgery date is estimated to be Late 2021/ Early 2022 in San Francisco.  While there's no obligation toward anything, a simple share would go so far to help me toward this life changing event.  More updates after the 17th!