In loving memory of Brendon Cote

Hi, my name is Jonathan. At 4pm on Friday, March 1st my entire life was turned upside down. I received a call from the hospital that they had my husband and he was brought in with an overdose. For those who know Brendon, you can imagine the shock and disbelief that I instantly felt hearing those words. I was in denial on my way to the hospital thinking everything would be ok.

When I arrived Brendon was already very sick. I am so grateful and appreciative of the staff there for allowing me some time with Brendon while he was still lucid and able to talk. He kept telling me how sorry he was, there were so many questions I wanted to ask but it simply was not the time. I kept telling him how much I loved him, and that I needed him to fight. The team at Elliot Hospital very quickly determined he needed care they could not provide and the decision was made to medflight Brendon to Brigham in Boston where some of the best doctors in the world were.

During the flight, the substances Brendon ingested began to take maximum affect. By the time he landed in Boston, Brendon needed to be put on a ventilator, he was put on dialysis to protect his kidneys and they had to put his heart on bypass (ecmo). The doctors were optimistic given his critical state but told us it would be a rollercoaster. He remained in critical condition. I stayed awake for 54 hours waiting, and trying to wrap my mind about how and why we were here. There were so many ups and downs, we got optimistic news followed by news of catastrophic developments, repeatedly over these couple short days. I never left the hospital, I did not want to be away from him.

On Sunday, March 3rd at 3:30pm I made the decision to withdraw life support and at 3:40pm the love of my life, the brightest light I have ever known left this world, and left me for the first time in 10 years.

I am broken in every possible meaning, I am feeling so lost without him. He did not deserve any of this and the unanswered question of why will haunt me for the rest of my life. Brendon had a lot of struggles and trauma from childhood that followed him into adulthood but nothing that would point to why this happened. It is so hard to understand why someone would do this. Brendon was such a loving and warm person, he was my person. He always looked to make others feel good, and would do anything he could to help someone. His love and affection were deep, Brendon gave the best hugs, when he hugged you that love was felt without question.

I owe my life and my sincere thanks to two groups of people. Firstly the doctors, nurses, and other professionals at both Elliot and Brigham were amazing in everything they did. They did absolutely everything that they could and then some to save his life but it was just too much for his body to take. They were so compassionate and loving in the care they gave him.

I also need to thank the army for friends and family who came to be with me and Brendon. We spent the last 3 days sharing stories, laughing, crying, and picking me back up when I lost it and fell apart over and over again. Your love is felt and I cannot thank you all for being there for Brendon and I.

I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know where to start or if this pain will ever improve. I am so broken, I feel so alone, and my world will never be the same. Brendon is my soulmate, my best friend, and the world simply doesn’t work for me without him.

I’ve never been one to ask for charity, Brendon and I have always prided ourselves on working hard and making our own way financially but I know that there are great burdens coming. Medical bills, final arrangements, and trying to survive on one income are just a few of those struggles. Anything that anyone can give is appreciated, and the money will be used to cover those necessities and anything left will go to finding a way to keep Brendon’s memory alive for the rest of my life and beyond.

Brendon was not religious so there will be no services, however we are planning a celebration of life and will have details on this soon. In the meantime please share your stories with me, I am grieving and barely holding on but I will speak with anyone who has questions please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.