Williford's IVF Journey
The past year has been beyond challenging and heartbreaking for so many of us, living through a pandemic and having our lives flipped upside down. During this trying time, our closest friends were going through a more personal and heartbreaking struggle that they never anticipated they would face. After suffering through the loss of two babies, countless doctor appointments, hospital visits and many sleepless nights, they have learned that their only option of having a baby of their own will be through IVF. Watching our best friends endured heartbreak after heartbreak, we are desperate to help to them start putting some of those pieces back together in any way we can.
For those that don’t know, we would like to introduce you to two of our best friends: Henry and Heatherly. Henry is a paramedic and firefighter who has been serving with the Opelika Fire Department for several years, while also teaching courses part-time at Southern Union State Community College and running his own online publication. Heatherly is a behavioral therapist at Auburn University who has dedicated her career to working with vulnerable populations, including Alabama foster youth and children with Autism Spectrum Disorder and other developmental impairments. They are also the Godparents to our two beautiful little girls, and we are so eager to get to watch them pour the love they have for our girls into children of their own.
With their blessing, we'd like to share their journey to parenthood. This is their story, in their own words:
Our Journey Here
Over the past 7 years of marriage, we’ve experienced inexplicable joy, alongside the cruelest of heartbreaks. We are forever grateful that we continue to be able to experience the blessings of this life together, and that we still have each other to lean on in the dark times. 
Though we've been the definition of "opposites attract" in terms of interests and personality, we've always held the same core vision for our family. Daydreaming about the "somedays" was bliss in those early years - a welcomed and lighthearted conversation. We never imagined the difficulties we would encounter in trying to make our dreams of starting a little family of our own a reality in the years to come.
In the past year, as we and the rest of the world grappled with the COVID-19 pandemic, we lost 2 babies, nine months apart. 
May 2020 brought about a roller coaster of emotions. At our first ultrasound, we were blissfully ecstatic expecting to see our first glimpse and hear the heartbeat of our beautiful baby, only to learn that day that the pregnancy was ectopic, and not viable. We were immediately sent to the emergency room—under complete lockdown due to the pandemic. Out of desperation and fear, we pleaded to be able to go into the ER together, but due to the safety measures in place, Heatherly went in completely alone. For hours, Henry waited anxiously in the hospital parking lot, making phone calls he never imagined he would have to make. The pregnancy was lost--followed by Methotrexate treatment, significant scarring and the loss of function of the left Fallopian tube. For 9 months, we grieved and tried again. 
January 2021 brought us the joy of another pregnancy, followed by another pregnancy loss, a painful internal rupture, emergency surgery and the removal of the right Fallopian tube. Then finally, a diagnosis. In the process, we lost the possibility of a natural conception/pregnancy. We've cried out to God in disbelief. In anger. In desperation. For understanding. For comfort. For guidance. Many times, we lost hope.
Some days we are still able to talk openly with each other about those dreams for the future, though they hold more of an unspoken heaviness now. Occasionally, we are able to talk about the babies we've lost - what we would’ve done in their nursery, who they would've looked more like, and who they might have grown up to be. Other days, we’re furious and selfish and irritable, and some days we’re just tired and sad. And tired of being tired and sad.
A few months ago, our doctor was very straightforward with us: In Vetro Fertilization (IVF) is our only option if we ever want to experience a viable pregnancy or carry a living baby to term.
What we know right now is that our hearts still yearn to experience pregnancy—a successful one. I cannot explain the feeling of emptiness that comes after pregnancy loss, or the desperation to carry a child in your womb and bring it into this life, especially after your own body has stolen life from you. We're still holding out hope that we can experience pregnancy, childbirth, and a tiny little someone who looks a little like us. At least once, if it is at all possible.
Though we are still heartbroken at the loss of our babies, we’re beginning to pick up the pieces and regain some of the optimism we had for our family’s future. One question we've been asked repeatedly in this journey is if we've considered adoption. Yes. We’ve talked about adoption, and our hearts are absolutely open to the possibility. However, private adoptions can take several years to be "picked" or "matched", and cost around $40,000 (both domestic & international). Adoptions through the foster care system can also take years, and years of (ongoing) professional experience with the system has shown us it isn't as cut and dry as just wanting to give a child loving parents and a good life/home. We continue to pray and seek answers about the "what now" and the "what's next" in terms of growing our family through adoption, while also moving forward with IVF.
So...What's Next?
In February, we began meeting with several different IVF clinics and doctors to get confirmation on the diagnosis, information, treatment options, and next steps. We've been quoted around $20,000 for a single IVF cycle (+meds). The average number of IVF cycles it takes for a successful live birth? Three. However, the doctor we've chosen to go with is very optimistic about our potential for success with IVF given our age and medical history, which gives us some comfort. 
All-in-all, we're a bit overwhelmed, but we're also incredibly hopeful. We both have excellent health insurance through our jobs, but recently discovered that insurance pays for absolutely none of it, as most insurance companies in the U.S. classify IVF as an “elective procedure”. Even after draining the financial security we’ve worked hard to so carefully build, it still isn’t enough.
I wish someone had told us years ago when we started saving for a baby that it would literally cost us tens of thousands of dollars more than we ever could have anticipated. I wish someone could have saved us from the heartbreak of multiple pregnancy losses, and the fear of losing my own life in the process. I wish someone could have warned me of the absolute betrayal by my own body, and the possibility that I may never be able to forgive it. I wish we could go back and tell our naively optimistic selves that a positive pregnancy test doesn’t always promise a baby.
We wish for a lot of things (many that will never happen). Right now though, our wish is for just a single chance at a successful pregnancy and a happy, healthy “rainbow baby”.
We've kept so much of our grief and heartbreak to ourselves throughout this journey, but have found comfort in slowly starting to share our experience with others. We hope that our path to parenthood can prepare us to be a beacon in the darkness to someone else someday, as so many have been for us. May this path hold some sort of purpose.
We are both hopeful and terrified to start the IVF process, and ask for your positive thoughts, prayers and continued love and emotional support.
(...and maybe a little grace and patience as the hormone injections take over!)
XO,
Henry & Heatherly
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Henry and Heatherly are two of the most genuine and incredible people we have ever known, and they will be amazing parents. Although this journey looks different than they could have ever imagined, we know that there are no two better people to bring a precious baby into this world. Please donate if you are able, and if you cannot contribute financially, please consider sharing their story, leaving a kind word, or sending up a prayer for our sweet friends.
-Mallory & Cameron