IVF After Infertility&Loss- Spensor&Jordy Smith

-Account is run on behalf of the Smiths by Melody Barrie&Tammy Davies

Jordy's words:

We are Spensor, Jordy, and Liam Smith. We are fundraising to help with the enormous costs of IVF fertility treatment, the initial amount to even begin is tens of thousands of dollars. Our story is extremely tough and at times has been truly unbearable, in this we know and understand that we are not alone. Through this journey we have felt the love and support of family and friends. After suffering infertility and the most unbearable loss of our dear Liam, we have been told that IVF is our only hopeful option for more children. With infertility, comes many many exams, tests, and surgeries. Our list includes; countless uncomfortable female exams and blood tests, male-factor tests, HSG, water ultrasounds, laparoscopic surgery, and polyp removal. Not to mention all the money we’ve spent on infertility drugs to help us conceive easier. Over the course of the past 4 years, we have spent tens of thousands of dollars on all of these things, only to be told, “everything looks normal.” We were diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility.

In the fall of 2021, we scheduled to start infertility interventions and start our first round of IUI (intro-uterine insemination) This process is not nearly as intense as IVF, however, it is the first major step in infertility intervention.

By some miracle, and that is no exaggeration, we were able to conceive spontaneously on our own right before our first scheduled IUI. The joy we felt the day we saw those 2 pink lines is indescribable. The pregnancy was fairly easy until Christmas 2021, when Jordy’s health started declining due to her gallbladder. It took 3 weeks for doctors to be able to see gallstones and be willing to remove her gallbladder, all while she lost weight and became malnourished from not being able to eat without extreme pain. After surgery, recovery was slow, but Jordy was able to eat again and was just starting to feel our son, Liam, move. 3 weeks after surgery, Jordy could feel less movement from Liam. At Liam’s anatomy scan at 22 weeks, on February 8, 2022, we were told the earth-shattering words, “there’s no heartbeat.” We were sent home that night and told to come back in the morning to talk to our doctor about our options. We delivered our stillborn beautiful son on February 9, 2022. We were informed our son passed due to a fluke (Dr.’s words), a horrible 1% chance of a 1% chance. We cannot express the emotional, psychological, and physical difficulty of that experience. It has forever changed us, and is something we think about every moment of every single day. We went from painting his dresser to picking out his headstone and casket within 48 hours.

It has been a year since we lost our son, and we have since tried to conceive. However, we are now in a new category, Secondary Infertility (infertility after previously conceiving.) After 3 failed IUI’s, more rounds of testing, about 4 years of infertility, and our stillborn son, our only hopeful option of conceiving is IVF. The emotional, physical, and financial toll of what we have already experienced has been astronomical. Now, we are faced with even more intense emotional, physical, and, worst of all, financial tolls. In truth, we feel beaten up, not beaten down. We are very much the kind of people who think we can’t be those who ask for money. As if infertility and loss hasn’t left us embarrassed, isolated, or ostracized enough, let’s add asking people for money on top of that. However, this is our story. This is what has happened to us. We do not have control over any of the things that have happened. Nor do we control the future. But we desperately grasp at the future we would like to have.

For those who think, “if you can’t afford a child, don’t ask for money,” trust us, we’ve thought that way before. This is a tremendously difficult and, to be 100% honest, embarrassing thing to ask of others. We hope this serves as, at the very least, a dialogue to open the discussion of infertility and loss. There are many people who suffer infertility and loss in silence, and in the LDS culture that is so built on families, these difficulties are especially hard to have. These difficulties drive families and marriages apart. Please, if you know of anyone suffering with infertility or loss, send them a text saying, “thinking about you.” Better yet, gently try to make plans with them, or drop off a note at their door if they are having “one of those days” and can’t stand any human interaction. You have no idea the effect a generous thought can have on someone’s bad day when they are feeling absolutely hopeless. Please be gentle with us who suffer infertility and loss, we are constantly at our breaking points.

We are committed to putting every penny, that others are generous enough to offer, toward our IVF deposit, which requires us to pay tens of thousands of dollars to even get started.