Lisa Lopez
Donation protected
This is new for me so please be patient, I'm not always very articulate under the best of circumstances much less these ones.
My sister Elisabeth and I, lost our mother Lisa on April 15th due to severe medical issues. To say this has been a nightmare is an understatement. For almost 5 months, our mom has been in and out of the hospital and rehabilitation centers. She'd get better then get sick again, she'd rotate from hospital to rehab back to the hospital. This was the cycle since December 20th, she never got to come back home. Her health had declined so much that she was just in constant pain and not getting any better. Near the end, we had to have some difficult conversations together with mom about what's next. Whatever she wanted to do we'd be there, we'd respect whatever she decided no matter how much it hurt.
She made the choice and, on April 14th, I signed the paperwork to transfer her from that nightmare rehab place she was in to Peppi's House for hospice. This was the hardest thing I have ever done. I felt like I'd given up on her, like I was the one pulling the plug. I know that's not true but your heart and head don't always see logically. All I know is my heart broke again and again that day with every signature, every date, every initial I had to write.
The doctors told us maybe we'd have a week once we stopped all her meds and dialysis. We held onto that and hoped it was true. We took her pictures, Tony set up the TV and DVD player, Leo brought music and their cd player. We wanted her to hear all the things we'd listened to or watched together as a family one last time. We got to hear stories about her that we hadn't known, even solved the mystery on how our folks met. It was painful but beautiful to hear how amazing she was to every one she met.
Ten years ago we had to bring our dad to the same place for cancer and now we were here for her. Barely a day later, at 840 PM on April 15th, she passed away. I'd like to think our pops was there waiting for her like he always was, making sure she wasn't scared, and holding her hand on her journey to Paradise.
They really don't tell you how incredibly stressful, painful or gut wrenching planning a funeral can be. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think it was all rainbows but I sure wasn't prepared for this. They don't tell you, while you're trying to come to grips with the fact that you now have no mother or father, that everyone's going to expect you have a plan. Death is expected so you're supposed to be ready right? Yea no, we weren't ready. We weren't ready for all the crushing feelings we'd feel, or that empty space on the couch, or suddenly not having to go and check in on her, bringing food and treats she loved just to give her some joy in all that pain. And that was just on the emotional side of the unexpected surprises, now we have a funeral to plan.
So this is where I get to why we so desperately need assistance and why I started this page. We are not and never have been a family with much money. Our dad and her were hard workers, always working up until they couldn't and even then they didn't stay still. They were always helping someone, mom always making food and sharing it with several households. Mom even took to feeding the bazillion strays a neighbor left behind so they wouldn't starve. But that's who they were, always helping, always sharing even though they had so little, always trying to be the best people they could be even when life threw a monkey wrench in their plans. That's the person we wanted to remember, beautiful inside and out. Yes she had life insurance, bare minimum but she had it. Sure we couldn't give her a viking funeral or some elaborate send off but there was just enough to do it right and at least get everyone together. We were so thankful for it too but now there's a problem. The insurance will pay the location directly for the service which is great but they won't release the rest of the money for 30 days. Now we have no money for flowers, which we were needing to pay for tomorrow, no money for the reception/gathering/cryfest or whatever it's called and definitely no money for the little fees and things that keep popping up as we plan this farewell.
We didn't want to ask for help, we were so confident we could do this on our own, but no one gives you timelines of what needs to be done and when or for how much until you've passed the deadline and then they're like yea sorry no can do folks. No one tells you anything until you find out last minute and suddenly you're drowning in stress and despair. It's cruel and unfair to put any family thru this but here we are. Elisabeth and I are asking for help, any help, please. We just want to do right by our mom. She did so much for us, for everyone, she deserves a beautiful farewell.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and share of you can.
Organizer
Vanessa Lopez
Organizer
Tucson, AZ