Supreme Court Battle- Italy LGBTQ Parenthood

We are Denise and Giulia, the “mamme arcobaleno” - rainbow mums - of two wonderful children and we are currently asking for your support to be able to continue battling our case to give our child the right to have two parents. In October our appeal will head to the Supreme Court (Corte di Cassazione) of Italy. We believe winning this fight will have an impact not only on us personally but also have a positive effect on Italian law. We are also sharing our story to openly educate the many who have no idea about the conditions families like ours face. Though day to day we work, burn our dinners and smile, and night to night our kids wake up with tummy aches and excitement over the first day of school, we are also fighting for our basic rights in a country whose far-right wing Meloni government is trying to repress all anti discrimination initiatives. So that said- we would appreciate you continuing to read and share this story to help us to reach our goal.

Recent media about our story: article on France 24 ‘Ghost parents’: Same-sex couples in Italy are losing their rights and in The Wall Street Journal Italy Strips Some Gay Couples of Parental Recognition

One Ghost Parent

One of our children has two legal parents and two passports and one does not. The difference? A two hour scenic drive that some may consider a rather fine holiday. The First born in Pisa, Italy and the second in Bologna, Italy.

Let’s go back to the beginning. We have been fighting in court since before our first child was born in order to have both of us legally recognised as parents. This child who is now 7, who has lost 3 teeth, who plays at the park until sunset, this child has legally had only one legal parent since birth, Denise. His non-gestational mother, Giulia, is one of many known as “ghost-parents” in Italy. Invisible and unseen in the legal world- turning banal activities like signing a permission slip into a stressful situation, taking travel without both parents off the table, and, not to mention thinking about what could happen to our family if something happened to Denise. Also because Denise is not Italian (she is from the US), our first son is also not allowed to have Italian citizenship.

When Giulia got pregnant in 2020 we decided to leave everything, except a big belly at eight months. We packed up and moved to Bologna, so that our second child could have two legal parents. Shortly after being born in 2021 he had two state recognised mothers and due to this was privileged with two citizenships. But with the current political mood, our second child rights are also now at risk as Italy is currently going backwards in human rights. Our case is one example of how LGBT+ parents in Italy are trying to resist discrimination. Indeed, the current far-right wing government has been trying to repress all anti-discrimination initiatives, including the initiatives that some progressive cities have locally taken in the last 5 years to recognise both parents on birth certificates of babies born from same-sex couples (See the article on France 24 and in the Wall Street Journal with our story and the Guardian). Bologna is one of these cities currently threatened by the central state, and with them all the children who might lose one of their parents.

No! You Can't Have Two Mothers

When Denise got pregnant with our first son, it was 2015 - we had been to Denmark to do donor-insemination - before the brave initiatives of the cities ever started. We lived in Pisa, and we could not resign to the idea that Giulia would not be able to recognise the baby that was about to come. We also did not accept the idea of opting for a sub-species of adoption (so called “adoption in particular cases”) which does not recognise the link with uncles and aunties, grandparents and cousins, and that requires a long process with checks from social services and a judgment from a court. We wanted full parenthood, from the start, in the birth certificate.

Giulia could not give up. After all, when we went to do the insemination in Denmark, Giulia signed the consent stating “I declare that if my wife / partner gives birth to a child or children as a result of this treatment, I will always and in every respect regard the child or children as my legal heir(s), and accept my duty of maintenance”

So we started our legal battle, asking the City of Pisa for dual parenthood. There is no law protecting children of same-sex parents in Italy, but the legal basis can be found in the Constitution and in EU law. Moreover, in our case, according to international civil law, Italy should follow US law, for Denise is a US citizen - and US law recognises the right to have two mothers. However, Pisa said no, and they listed Denise as the only mother. Our child, they decided, only has one parent, and he cannot be Italian. The US Embassy could only copy the Italian birth certificate, and recognised the child as American.

No! We could not accept this, and decided to take the City of Pisa to Court, initiating our legal battle.

An Absurd Timeline: Our Legal Battle

October 2016, our child 9 months old: We file the case to the Court of Pisa

March 2018, our child 2 years old: Court of Pisa decides to send the case to Constitutional Court (the highest Court that interprets the Italian Constitution) - See the article on La Repubblica

October 2019, our child 3 years old: the Constitutional Court says that the case is not admissible, in other words they prefer not to take any stand. The case returns to the hands of the Pisa Court

May 2021, our child is now 5: a negative decision is handed down from the Court of Pisa, which boldly declares: “a person can decide which gender they want to be, but if one wants to become a parent, one needs to respect the natural expectation of a baby to have a mother and a father who are mother and father on paper and in real life” See the articles in La Nazione Tribunale: il figlio non può avere due mamme (The Court: Child Cannot Have Two Mothers) and Il Tirreno: No al diritto ad avere due madri per un figlio(No to the Right to Have Two Mothers for One Child)

September 2021, our child is almost 6: we decide to appeal the decision, and bring the case to the Florence Court of Appeals

June 2022, our child is 6: the Court of Appeal of Florence says yes! You are right: the birth certificate shall be modified and your child shall now have two legally recognised mums.

September 2022, our child is almost 7: the State of Italy decides to appeal the decision and takes the case to Supreme Court (Corte di Cassazione) See the article in La Nazione La nostra è una grande battaglia di civiltà (Ours is a Great Battle of Civilization)

6 October 2023, our child is 7: the Supreme Court will meet, behind closed doors. The decision likely will take months.

Dangerous and Unfit

Taking us to the Supreme Court after we won our Appeal in Florence? This is how dangerous the State of Italy considers LGBTQ people, and our love for our children! And if this was not enough, the Court also waited until the last day possible to file the appeal- a moment when we finally thought we had a reason to celebrate, when we finally felt brave enough to tell our family and friends after more than 7 years of battling.

In fact dangerous and unfit has clearly been the message sent to our family. Another incredible detail showing how deep homophobia is inscribed in Italian legal institutions happened early on and has continued since our legal case began. In 2017, as they were considering our case, the Court of Pisa decided that Denise, the one legal parent of our child recognised, could not represent the child’s interest in the court case. They proceeded to nominate a Special Curator that would represent our then 1 year old - and who would also work with an attorney representing only the child’s interests. This is a very special measure only applied to cases where parents have very serious mental health problems. Just because she is not heterosexual and is asking her child to have his rights to have two legal parents Denise was considered unfit.

A Parent Who Isn't

Giulia has no legal right to make any decisions about our child’s health, education, and well-being. Giulia will have no custody rights nor duties in case of divorce or in case of Denise’s death. In everyday life, Giulia cannot sign any papers for our child, and she has to carry legal documents stating that she has permission from the legal parent to make emergency health decisions about the child. However, there is no guarantee that this will be honoured: it will depend on the person they have in front of them. Finally, Giulia cannot transmit her citizenship. Therefore, our child is a foreigner in Italy (with the many complications and bureaucracy deriving from that).

On April 2, 2023 Giulia shared our story at Famiglie Arcobaleno demonstration.

Famiglie Arcobaleno, the association of rainbow families in Italy, has a campaign "We are not Ghosts" bringing attention to the ghost parents in Italy. For more information visit https://www.nonsiamofantasmi.it/ and sign the petition.

We hope you will be a part of our fundraising 5,146 euros between our English and Italian campaigns to help us cover the continuing costs of our battle. We will adjust our goals to reflect the donations.

A minimum of 5,000€: legal fees.

146,00€: Fundraising fees

Anything extra will go towards additional court and legal fees as well as extra expenses directly associated with our battle. This includes last minute translations for the court, additional experts etc. We definitely at this point hope we win now- or the next step is the European Courts. All fingers crossed we hope to have news before 2024!

Thank you to all of those who have given us support in the past and continue to be a part of our journey for justice.

Thanks to Francesca Volpi for the cover picture