Milo’s Top Surgery

Hello, all! 

My name is Milo; I am a 26 year old trans man born and raised in Texas, and I have been saving up for top surgery since July of 2023. Unfortunately due to insurance restrictions against gender affirming care in Texas, and dealing with legal fees from a post-coming-out divorce, I am realistically at least 5 years away from saving up enough money for this next step in my transition. I have received letters of support from both a therapist and my endocrinologist, and I have received quotes from 3 surgeons ranging from $8000-$10,000.

A little about my journey:

It took me a long time to come to terms with my gender identity. Growing up in a conservative, religious community I didn’t have a concept for “trans-ness” or even words to describe what I felt. All I knew is that I suffered from severe depression and anxiety and felt isolated from my peers throughout my childhood. I always seemed to be too “masculine” for the girls and too “girly” for the boys. Eventually I just pulled away and stopped trying to make friends. I read a lot of fiction to keep myself company and found myself always relating to the male characters in my stories. I would sit by myself and reenact these stories in my mind, imagining myself in their roles, and it made me feel better.

As I grew older it became clear that the feelings I had were not considered acceptable, and I was embarrassed for feeling the way I did. I pushed these feelings so far down that I wouldn’t unpack them again until my twenties. I was treated for depression and anxiety throughout my childhood and into adulthood, mainly through counseling with church leaders, and never felt at home with myself. I was told in these counseling sessions that this was an indication of “sin taking root” in my life. Being raised as a devout Christian, this caused me to throw myself into the church even harder while I desperately prayed for God to “fix me.” This only seemed to make my depression worse. I couldn’t bring myself to imagine what I wanted from life, and by my second year of college I was struggling with the idea of being alive at all. At that point I decided that if God hadn’t “fixed” me by then, then he probably wasn’t going to. I sought out a therapist outside of the church (a very controversial decision) and finally began the journey to knowing myself. I began to parse through the things that made me happy and the things that didn’t, and unpacking the ideas of who I am from who I thought that I should be. 

It wasn’t until my 20’s that I had even learned what a “trans person” was, and for years I had the nagging thought “…is that me?” The more I learned about myself, the less I was able to tolerate pretending to be someone I wasn’t. At 25, I made the scariest decision of my life and came out to my husband. I lost my marriage, but to my surprise most of my friends have accepted me for who I am and continue to love and support me. 

I started hormone therapy in October of 2023, and I already feel so much more at home in my body and mind. Even with the craziness and the heartbreak of this past year, for the first time in my life I haven’t been plagued with constant depression. As scary as the world is, I can actually imagine what my life might be like 50 years from now. 

I want to continue to feel at home within myself, and I know top surgery is the next step in that journey. While binders are incredibly affirming, daily binding has caused severe back pain and posture issues. Without binding, I run the risk of being clocked as trans in public. In a red state like Texas, that could cost me my life. Furthermore, in the current political climate I may not legally be able to receive top surgery in Texas by the time I can finally afford to do so on my own. (My long-term goal is to relocate, but I am currently unable to do so due to financial limitations.)

I truly appreciate any and all donations you can spare to help me get the care I need!

Much love,

Milo