Fighting the Battle to Breathe

“My mother is the heart that keeps me alive.”

The quote echoes through me everyday.

I wanted to do a post telling my story, something I’ve kept to myself except to a few others and my therapist.

I am my mom’s caregiver. Caregiver? What do I do? I take care of my mom who is currently on disability and do everything in my power to help her. I’m not kidding when I say I have three jobs; full-time college student, part-time worker at a college, and full-time caregiver at home. It’s not the ideal situation, especially for being a 21 year old. However, I feel like it’s my duty to do so. I am, after all, my mom’s only daughter. But it goes deeper than that. I feel like it’s my right to give back to my mom.

Her sickness hit her hard when I was 14/15 years old. She continued to work at a stressful job downtown, since she is (was) basically the breadwinner of our family because of her completing her bachleor’s and master’s. But at that time when I started high school, she couldn’t do the usual things a mother would (usually) do: cook, clean, stuff like that.

My step-dad and I took over that. My step-dad cleans and does laundry, which he does not mind at all since he loves to clean (does not explain the reason he’s a custodian). I took over cooking for the household and getting groceries each week. We went through this for years, working as a team in our household to provide for each other, AND dealing with money issues. We’ve been almost evicted from our house twice. So, to the ones who “knew” me in high school, I was experiencing stress I shouldn’t experience until you’re like in your adulthood, so if you saw me crying, I wasn’t being a “crybaby”. It was because I was so tired. Tired with everything. I was dealing with home stuff and I had started my first job at 15 years old to provide a little more to my family. 

Years pass and my mom’s health declined gradually from all the conditions she developed and the continuous stress at her work. She developed lupus, arthritis, osteoporosis, sciatica, two herniated discs in her back, just multiple diagnoses/conditions with over 20 medications for her to take every single day and night. It’s hard to believe because my mom just turned 40 years old in May. She’s so young but her body is like an 89 year old, and no one understood that. Her job, her mom, our family; nobody understands what she’s dealing with except for me and my dad. 

Just two years ago, when I was 19 years old, my mom finally, after all this time, was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Finding out it was heritary and my doctor (we share the same primary doctor) wanted to be safe, they went ahead and tested me. I was positive for Celiac Disease. I researched it and everything made sense to what happened with me: thyroid issues, period problems, IBS, arthiritis in my left hand, anxiety, depression, just to name a few minor things. Then I researched more and discovered that Celiac was one of the main causes for my mom’s conditions. If only we tested earlier, she wouldn’t be in all this. I get angry at times because of this. I’m in the clear, I was diagnosed on time but she wasn’t. I’d trade that with her everyday.

A couple years pass and now I’m 21 (almost 22 in July) years old at a university, majoring in Graphic Design. I work at a community college in the tuition department, and I am now a full-time caregiver for my mom. She quit her job, thank god, but is now on disability. She still goes through that process because they rejected her a few times. Our income at home consists from my dad (who is working as a custodian at the same community college I work at and his income was cut in half because me and my mom are now under his insurance), me (from what I get from school and at work), and my mom’s disability checks (which is hard in itself when it takes awhile to get it.) We’re waist-deep in debt and we continue to work hard. We have gone through so many highs and lows, and right now we’re experiencing a really big low. We. Are. Struggling. How? Because of are living plus my mom’s doctor appointments/medicines/upcoming major surgery + inpatient rehabilitation. My mom’s conditions are making her feel worse and worse everyday and it’s hard for me to do anything but be there for her.

I wouldn’t know what to do without her.

That’s why that quote rings through me: “My mother is the heart that keeps me alive.” She gave me strength and love raising me all my life, it’s my duty to take care of her in return.

My therapist praises me because of how much maturity and responsibility I had to have at my age is surprising and inspiring. It’s something I shrug my shoulders at because I had to. Who will?


This is where I ask help from you all. My mom is going to have an major spinal fusion surgery on July 24th and after spending a few days in the hospital, she will be transferred to an inpatient rehab unit (that's miraculously close to home). We're already in so much debt and this will be another bind on us, we just need help no matter what. 

Please, help share this and if you feel like helping, please donate, even if it’s a $1. 

We thank you from the bottom of our hearts and we are forever grateful.

Thank you for your support as well.

-Vicki

***UPDATE**This is going to be quite the update. I may have mentioned little things of how the past month and a half has been but I’m going to lay down the entire story. The whole detailed story, if you will. So I suggest you get comfortable, it’s going to be a long one.

Everything started on July 24th. It was supposed to be a simple procedure. Granted, it was a major one (spinal infusion on the L4 and L5) but that was supposed to be it. My mom’s original neurosurgeon was unable to do the procedure because he got injured, so he referred us to his partner/associate, Dr. Masaki Oishi. It was two weeks before the surgery when we met Dr. Oishi, and he reassured us that everything was going to be fine and if my mom needed to stay in the hospital for a while, then she can until she’s able to go to outpatient physical therapy facility (which was already set up as well). My mom was desperate for help because of the two herniated discs in her back she had for years. So the surgery was set and on the 24th, at Westside Surgical Hospital, the procedure went smoothly. I ended spending the night with her at the hospital because during that week, I took off from work. It was kind of hard and restless, because she was in a lot of pain and needed assistance for personal needs, but I had help along with the nurses. We stayed there for four days and then my mom was transferred.

She was transferred. Why? Because one of the physical therapists working with her noted that she needed more assistance, suggesting a skilled nursing facility. One of the nurses, Dolly (yeah, I’m not keeping it confidential because she needs to be let go), was assigned to be her case worker as well and spent the whole fourth day trying to do paperwork and get her transferred to ANY facility that would accept my mom. Dolly also mentioned that if she does not get us out, she wouldn’t get her day off the next day. Like, really?

So at 8pm, after my mom, me, and my grandma (who was visiting) was finishing dinner and my mom getting sleepy, Dolly comes in a says she found a facility that accepted my mom and the ambulance is on the way, go ahead and get packing. We were blindsided, it was late in the evening and the ambulance were on their way?! We didn’t even get the choice or anything, we had to pack and leave. The ambulance transferred her to Oakmont Center and when we found out what it was, we were stunned. It was a nursing home that we didn’t even want my great grandmother to be in. The first night there, since my mom arrived after the pharmacy closed, she hadn’t had her pain medication. She’s supposed to take it every 4 hours. They gave her something that eased her a bit, but it wasn’t her pain medication. Once we had her settled and sleeping for the night, my grandma and me went home. The next day, I came around 10 am and I found out that my mom hadn’t had her pain medication for over 12 hours, she had to go to the bathroom by herself because the call light didn’t work, there’s no air conditioning, she was neglected by a nurse, it was just one thing after another in such a short amount of time. Once my grandma came in, we worked with the administration and the social workers there to get that nurse in trouble and to get my mom discharged because my mom wanted out. She had to stay another night, so I stayed with her, and on that night I had to think long and hard about my job. The next day, we got the clear from Dr. Oishi to be released and that home care will be there once we got home. We were discharged, got my mom settled in my room (since I have a low bed), and rested a bit. When my mom fell asleep, I went to my job and I told them my situation and I wouldn’t be able to stay. I was crying (omg sorry) because I loved my coworkers and I had no other choice to be with my mom. My boss and everyone else wished me well.

Later that day, no home care. The next day, then the next day, nothing. It was the team of me, my dad, and sometimes my grandma when she came over to take care of my mom and help her move around to the bathroom and back. Every time we would call Dr. Oishi’s office, his staff was completely rude and wouldn’t give us the time of day. Finally he personally called my mom and he told us to go to Westside Surgical through the ER to get the lumbar drain that’s in my mom’s back next to her surgical site (which was another thing I had to do, drain out the fluid at times. I had to be nurse when I’m not even licensed to be one) to get it taken out. So, he called and before he asked for my mom to come in to Westside, he asked my grandma if she could take it out. HE HAD the audacity to ask my grandmother, who was baffled. She refused and then he said to come in Westside. We called an ambulance but since it’s not a local hospital, they couldn’t take us. They were nice though to help my mom get in the car. We get there at Westside and the physician there dressed and made sure her surgery site was clean but she refused to take out the drain because it was still draining a lot of fluid. We go back home and Dr. Oishi calls back and was mad that it wasn’t taken out, that we needed to go back. My mom was exhausted so he arranged for the next day for her to go to Humble Surgical Center, which was real close to us. We go there and the physician there refused to do it too. He ended up arguing with Oishi over the phone until the physician reluctantly agreed. It was taken out and we went home, my mom going to sleep restfully.

When my mom was taking a nap, my grandma and I were on the way to go grocery shopping. Before we even got there, my dad called, saying my mom woke up with the worst migraine she had ever experienced, she couldn’t even move. We rushed back home, scared of not knowing what to do. We ended up calling the ambulance to rush her to the ER, which was not a smooth ride. The EMS plus firefighters had to get my mom on the stretcher but had to use a tarp, and while they were heaving to get her up, one of the men’s knees hit her in the back, right in her surgery site. My heart wrenched when I heard my mom scream in pain and agony. Once they got her in the ambulance, and I got to sit in the front with the driver, we headed to the nearest ER.

When we got there, they treated for the migraine and ran x-rays, showing no indication of anything else, but they couldn’t do anything with her back because someone else worked on her. The hospital called Dr. Oishi all night with no answer, even his personal phone number, and we had no choice to go home.

We got home around 4 am, and through out that day, I noticed my mom deteriorating. She was in extreme pain, she couldn’t move to take any medicines, we had to get our own bedpan because she couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom, and eventually the next day, she was having trouble breathing. When she started having trouble breathing, we had to get help. My mom even turned to us saying, “Something is wrong.” We had to contact Dr. Oishi’s office and eventually we got through and one of the nurses, from the direction she got from Oishi, said that if we got my mom to go to Methodist West Houston hospital in Katy, where Oishi is performing a procedure that moment and he has privileges there, he can see her at the ER. My grandma had to pay for a private ambulance to transfer her 40 miles to that place.
(Let me just say that the EMS were two women and they managed to safely and carefully put my mom on the stretcher and in the ambulance than the amount of eight or nine men last time. I couldn’t even fathom that.)

Hours had passed and my mom was admitted in the ER at Methodist. She ended up having an infection in her back (built up of fluid from disconnecting the drain) and pneumonia. She came in sepsis; it was a miracle we got there on time.

She was admitted in ICU and my grandma and I stayed over the first night. The next day, my grandma and I went home to get clothes because we weren’t ready to stay for more days and we needed to wash up. After I was getting dressed from taking a shower at home, I got a call from my mom. It was the day nurse that answered, explaining my mom couldn’t breathe well on her own and they had to put her on a ventilator. Then she put me on the phone with my mom, hearing her tell me that everything is going to be all right and that she loves me. My grandma and I rushed back and when we got there, my mom was already sedated and on the machine.

That phone call was the last time since I’ve heard my mom’s voice. It’s been so long.

My grandma and I stayed with my mom the whole time she was admitted, which was 28 days; fighting three more infections she developed in the blood, lungs, and colon. I had to come to the realization to put school off for a semester; I had to be the one to figure out bills, it has been so much for me. I already did my cry/sob/scream, missing my mom, hating seeing my mom like this.

Now I have to stay strong and stay positive.

On September 2nd, my mom was transferred to Methodist St. Catherine’s LTACH (Long-term acute care hospital). It’s the sister hospital of Methodist and all the doctors that have been seeing my mom will see her there. They say it will be another 6-8 weeks for my mom. She’s still on the ventilator; it’s just through the trach that’s in her throat than the big tube down her mouth. They’re slowly working with her to be taken off of that, she’s still fighting the infections, and eventually she’s going to need a lot of therapy.

She’s improving miraculously well; it’s just going to be a long journey.

My grandma and I sacrificed so much just so we can be there for her.

This is what we’ve been struggling with for the past month and a half. Sleeping on a couch scrunched up, eating cafeteria food, making friends with the nurses, and hearing the constant beep of machines all around. It’s been hard, difficult, and exhausting, but my grandma and I are hanging in there for my mom.

I want my mom back so bad.

So what I want from you all is to spread this like wildfire. Share this story to explain what we had to deal with AND what we are still continuing to deal with. If you can’t donate we completely understand. We just need this to be spread, let everyone know that Dr. Oishi ruined my mom. (We reported him by the way but to go any further, we need a lawyer and god knows how much that’s going to be).

I just want everyone to know what he did.

What he did to my mom and my family.

He put us through so much pain and suffering.

I regret the day meeting him.

Please continue to keep my mom in your prayers/thoughts. I sincerely appreciate it.