Help Jade Transition & Escape Abuse

Hello, my name is Jade. I am an 18 year old trans girl. Some of you may have already seen me around tumblr or maybe even follow me.

I came out to my parents saying "I like boys" around the 8th grade. My father instantly bombarded me with negativity, telling me that I am a f***ing f****t and that I am going to rot on hell. He would choke me and hit me. At one point he threw me onto my couch, breaking it in half. I was isolated. I had no internet access for three years.

That summer, my father would take me on car rides in which he "beat the devil out of me." He would drive me around town, hitting me in the stomach mostly and then we would return home like nothing happened.

He has an extreme case of bipolar disorder where he has blackout manic episodes where I am the target of his anger.

Freshman year, an administrator at my school called my parents to tell them I was wearing makeup and dresses.

The abuse continued, and during sophemore my mom took me to see a therapist and I confided in him that I did not want to live any longer. The intense discomfort of my gender dysphoria was getting worse as I went through puberty and the intense fear of my father had me constantly anxious. I went to a hospital for my depression and suicidal thoughts in atlanta where they helped me with my gender identity and even got my mom to say my actual name! But that was the only time she ever did. My parents took me out of that hospital and took me to another one in the middle of nowhere georgia where they kept trying to drill it into my head that I am a boy and not a girl. I eventually had to lie to get out.

I missed so much school from being away at the hospital or being depressed/dysphoric that i've been making up classes to this day and I might not even graduate on time.

Junior year, my dad beat me to the point where i finally had physicall proof. Bruises from where he'd hit me, scabs on my scalp from where he pulled my hair out. Child services designated my friend's house as a safe space and I was allowed to stay until my dad got help with his anger issues. After a couple months, I moved back in with my parents and it was terrible. At this point I was not suicidal anymore but he was threatening to put me in a hospital again "just because he could."

I have been living in constant fear and depression. I got a minimum wage job over the summer because I knew I could start HRT when I turned 18 but I hat no Idea how expensive it was. I spent 240 dollars for a therapist to diagnose me with Gender Identity Disorder. I spent 510 dollars on blood tests so I could start my hormones and my doctor wants me back in a few weeks to do more tests. I know i will be back for at least three more tests in this year alone at the six week mark, the three month mark and the nine month mark.

My savings account is being DRAINED. I used to work 35 hours a week but now I'm going to an alternative school and taking three online classes alongside my other classes. I was taking more but I tested out of them. I cant afford to work every day anymore. I need to finish school and get my diploma so I can start going to beauty school and making enough money to move out. I cant live in fear anymore. Im tired. Its draining.

I've been putting this off for a while now because I don't like asking for help but it's gotten to the point where I need it.

If every one of my followers donated a dollar, I would have enough money for two years of blood tests.

If every one of my followers donated ten dollars, I would have enough money for Gender Reassignment surgery.

Follow me on tumblr for HRT updates and updates on my life @transientendeavor