We are answering the call to adopt!

We hadn't pictured the direction our life would be taking to journey halfway across the world to meet our daughter in Bulgaria. It's been a sharp turn to say the least!

Scott and I have two healthy wonderful sons and up until very recently, felt that our family was complete. While we've watched or boys grow from babies to now a kindergartener and toddler, the transitions have been bittersweet. But mostly sweet! I love getting to know each of them and see their personalities blossom, their talents emerge, and our love for them just grows and grows as they get bigger. Recently I had felt the call in my heart that our family was not quite there finished. But after enjoying our maturing sons, going through two difficult pregnancies and a miscarriage, I was certainly not experiencing "baby fever".

A few months ago I started a search using Rainbowkids.com. The little children from all over the world looked back at me through my computer screen and with a very guarded heart I made a short list of "saved kids" that I felt could fit into my family. None of the children were younger than our oldest son who is almost 6. I was not moved to action and I left the search for a few months and came back to check on some of the kids I'd viewed to see who was new or highlighted on the website. Sadly most of them were still listed. My heart was discouraged. There was no way I could make a difference for these kids. Many of them had special needs, they live so far away, oh and the big part, I didn't know if Scott was even on board with adoption!! These were my doubts before I even learned of the cost, commitment and time it takes to adopt internationally.  We weren't ready.  But my prayers started then. Intentional prayers asking God if this is the direction we should take.

Then again, Scott is on a business trip and I check back to see a few children have been placed, not many, but a few. It gave me great joy to know that these children, once orphans, would be welcomed into a forever home and loved by the parents they so desperately needed. That called me to inquire. I sent a generic few questions to two separate agencies about four children I had on my list. Two boys and two girls. That  seed God had planted in my heart for orphans became watered by my tears. I could no longer look at the pictures on the website without tearing up. Knowing that even if there would still be millions of orphans in the world, there should be at least one less because of our family. God had placed the burden on my heart to adopt, but the who, when and how was not clear at all.

The next day I got a call from an agency in Ohio that works to place European children. I was asked what I was type of child I was looking for. The truth is I didn't know. My list was growing by this time. Children from all over, boys, girls, healthy, challenged, with siblings, as young as 7 as old as 15.  I was all over the place. She mentioned "a lovely, smart, healthy young lady that is in desperate need of parents because she will soon age out of the system. Her name is Rose, she's 14, and from Bulgaria. I'll email you her details and a picture tonight." When I opened the email, there was a familiar face, a bright beautiful smile, a girl from my list.

I waited up for Scott to get home. It was late, but I wasn't tired. I'm never nervous to talk to Scott, this night I was. I felt so strongly about this, but the last time I had tried to talk to him about it, the subject was changed quickly and he never brought it back up. Neither did I. My prayers gave me the courage to bring it up again. I had asked God to call Scott as He's calling me so that his heart can understand what my heart is drawn to. That the mysterious seed of adoption that God planted in me would be planted in him too. But a big part of me was expecting Scott to say that our two healthy boys are enough for him (and how do you argue that?), that it's too expensive, too complicated, too dangerous. I poured my heart out to him anyway. What God was doing inside of me, how I didn't really understand it, or couldn't accurately describe it. How I felt like this might be the largest step of faith in my entire life and I am nervous. How I needed him to be a leader for me and our family in this, but I could never go through with it if it felt like I was forcing him to take a step he didn't want to take. When I finally stopped with my spiel and looked at Scott, the look on his face told me that God had been working in him too. He was smiling (smirking really - which is his adorable version of letting me know I was right - one of my favorite Scott expressions!)

He told me, "When you put it that way..."

Me, "You want to adopt?!"

Him, "I'm all for helping people."

"You want to adopt?!"

Him, "My biggest concern is how much it will cost"

"You want to adopt?!"

Him - that smirk again

"So?!"

Him, "I would do it tomorrow if I had $25k in our bank account."

"You want to adopt?!?!?!"

Him, "I want to adopt."

This was definitely the work of God!!!  The feeling is like seeing the positive pregnancy test. The swirl of emotions and excitement. Are we ready for this? How on Earth are we going to do this? Oh my goodness there is going to be another little love in our family! I love this man sooooo much. A complete torrent of joy and fear, anticipation and curiosity.  We still had no idea what adoption looks like, costs, when or how we would adopt. But our hearts met in a really sacred space for the first time in our marriage, a place where we knew we could love a child that wasn't born into our family. We'd have to find them.

The next day there just so happened to be a seminar in Grand Rapids about foster care and adoption in Michigan, so we went. Hearing the story of an adoptive father and his 3 sons was really incredible. The boys spoke about what it was like to be labeled "unadoptable". To be among those kids that are almost too old to be adopted, to have gotten in trouble because you have no guidance, to need help and never have anyone there to help you, when all you really wanted was a second chance and a hand to hold.

Through the entire meeting I could feel God giving me the courage to love a child that I didn't know yet. Someone that had lived a life of feeling unwanted or abandoned. Someone that just needed a second chance and a couple of people to love them enough to hold their hands. It didn't matter how far away they were.  It didn't matter if I didn't know what I was doing yet. Or that what I thought was an expense of "oh my goodness 25, 000 to adopt internationally?!?" is actually closer to 40,000. None of it mattered. We wanted to say yes to what God had called us to do.

That same night I spoke with Rose's placing agency again. We were made aware that there is urgency to adopt Rose. A very fast international adoption takes 12 months. She will be over 15 at that time. By her 16th birthday her immigration paperwork all has to be completed - the final steps to bring her home. If it's not, then she can't leave the country. This was Thursday, and the paperwork needed to be sent to the translator by Monday. We had to decide if we would sit on the ledge of this huge decision or if we would hold on tight to allow God to carry us through it when we saw no foreseeable means to get 40,000 in less than a year. Logic was telling us nope, it's not supposed to happen this way. Not this fast. Not without a plan. But God was telling us just to say yes. Say yes to what you can, when you can, and allow me to work.

The next couple of days were filled with prayer and we were in constant conversation about Rose. Is Rose meant to be our daughter? We'd learned more about her by this time, and even were able to see a few videos of her being interviewed in her native language. We tried to translate it using Google translator, with hilarious results. We just couldn't say no to Rose. We were falling in love with her. We were picturing her at dinner with us, at church, showing her new experiences in the US, giving her a pink room that she wanted, her bonding with our boys, us loving her. We couldn't say no, but we did. I email the placement agency and told them, we can't afford to do this now, it has nothing to do with Rose. We really want to bring her home, but we can't. I told them I'd circle back to them in a year when we had had some time to plan.

The nice safe logical answer gave us no peace. I'd been updating my close friends and family and it was so hard to tell them we'd said no to Rose's adoption. We were experiencing a loss without ever having a gain. God knew we needed certainty and this was it. We had to say yes to Rose, the reason that it felt like she would fit so perfectly into our family is because God is calling us to adopt her!! We spoke to the placing agency again, this time we said Yes. We have felt so much peace with those three little letters!

It was immediately time to jump into action. The last couple of days have been filled with paperwork, phone calls and research. Not to mention a couple of miracles thrown in. We still have no idea how to pay to fly to Bulgaria and back twice, pay their government 12,000 euros, pay for a homestudy, dossier, our second half of the contract with our agency, etc. But we have to only look at one thing at a time, one day at a time. The initial application fee was waived from $300  to $25 for National Adoption Month (yay!)
, and we found out we may be eligilble to get up to 4,000 in grants since Rose is near aging out. Plus when we agreed to the contract we told them we cannot pay the entire fee at once, (It's $3500 - so we broke it into two parts). Then last night when we were reviewing the documents before they were sent to Bulgaria to be translated. The $3500 was marked out - now only $1750 no second payment required due to her age and circumstances. Thank you God!!

Now that big scary $40,000 is down to around $34,000. We said yes before we saved for this. Fell in love before we made sense of this. And took a step of faith to give credit to God Almighty to prepare a way for us to bring Rose home. It would mean so much to have the prayers of our friends and family as we walk this road. Please pray for Rose especially who has no idea that we even exist and want so badly to open doors for her to have a better life and a forever home. And if you have a donation that you feel comfortable making, I pray that you'll feel it's a blessing and not a burden. It would really mean so much to us. Thank you.

Pam and Scott Marsh (and Rose)