Baby Walden IVF Fund
Donation protected
Michelle and I met in 2008, we were bought together by a friend - who played cupid....and it worked.
It was love at first sight and in July 2008 we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I was 33 and Michelle was 29
I could not spend a minute away from Michelle and we were pretty much together every evening, either at my house or hers.
In Jan 2009, I decided to ask her to marry me, being a traditionilist, I asked her fathers permission, to which he gave his blessing.
A few months later, we set a date to get married - July 16th 2011 - the reason, it would be as close to our three year "together" anniversary
Several months prior to the wedding - we both agreed, that it would be such a special time to have a baby "on the way" on our big day. With this in mind we attempted to start our family.
The big day came, but no luck on the baby, the wedding was a fantastic day despite this and we thought nothing of it, unaware of the issues we were about to face.
I started to get real bad OCD and anxiety as everything was going well so far and I was afraid something would go wrong...
Months and months pass, a year goes by and yet we still seem to have an issue with conceiving, and could not understand why.
Repeated doctors visits to express our worries of not conceiveing and the doctors just told us "to relax", friends and family told us to do the same, yet it all came to nothing. It was hard for me to relax with my conditions
Time passes and after several more doctors visits, and demand for answers, we were told that the only way forward would be IVF. At this time we lived in Bicester and fell under Oxfordshire for IVF
Our doctor refered us and stated we would fall into the free category of IVF - we both took varying numerous tests and then had a meeting with a doctor at the John Radcliffe Hospital. During this time we also lost around 3 stone each to help our chances of becoming parents
It is early 2013, Michelle is 34 and I am 37. We walk into the hospital for our meeting and sit in the "maternity ward" (rub our faces in it why dont you!!)
We have our meeting and we were asked varying questions. The reports showed that we both had fertilty issues and the only way to have a child would be through IVF, as it would be virtually impossible to fall naturally.
The doctor then asked how old Michelle was - 34
The next sentance crippled us - "well, even if Michelle was to chop her leg off, her BMI would not get to where it needs to be before the 3 month referral for free IVF and her 35th Birthday" and as Oxford cap the age limit to 35 - despite the NICE gudelines being 42 - the only way to fund this would be privatly.
We walked out of the hosiptal, I was holding Michelles hand so tight as she was in tears, broken, in pain, knowing that we could not afford the private treatment.
As we walked outside, I cuddled her and broke down in her arms myself (I am crying now just writing this!)
Our dreams shattered, hopes dashed. We were numb.
The next few months and year became very hard, we put on the weight we had lost, we both became very irratable and angry with each other. We both had very high pressured jobs and it got to a point were we could not cope anymore. We were extremly depressed. I started getting more anxious and my OCD got worse.
We then got another blow, where our landlord decided to sell his flat. We try to find somewhere nice and end up in a lovely house in Buckingham - we bought a rabbit and named him Paddy - more so for Michelle's maternal feelings.
In early 2015, we decided that we needed help, we struggled to be in the same room without arguing. We both looked for counselling, In the hopes it would also reduce my anxiety and OCD. To make the counselling harder, Michelle had her paycut due to a company restructre and I was finding it very hard at work myself. I just didnt want to be in this position, my panic attacks were daily and my OCD got even worse
We had around 3 months of counselling, some alone and some together, it started turning our life around as a couple, but still did not heal the pain of wanting children.
During this time I also took a paycut and stepped down from senior management as I was finding it hard to cope with the situation and my anxiety was taking over. I needed to rid some of the pressures I was having.
I had always hoped by the time I was 40, that I would be married and have two chidren. I always wanted a boy as I am the only male in the family and need our family tree to continue.
Once our counselling was complete and we felt a bit more positive I decided to put pen to paper and try and acheive our dream. I was unhappy that the local CCG decided our future and the chance of having a family and capped the age at 35, despite the NICE guidelines of 42 - so I wrote to my local PM, I wrote to Downing Street, I wrote to local and national media, and despite lovely responses and the story being published, it seemed no one cared, we must of been one of millions with the same issues.
Time passes and in my head, now past my 40 milestone, I had basically accepted that a family might never happen, but seeing my wife in constant pain and so emotional I had to keep my positive head on for her, the maternal feelings she had and has will never go away.
Earlier this year, my wife, now 38 had a laparoscopy and discovered she had endometriosis and one blocked tube. Why was this never picked up in earlier tests? She actually had to fight to get this operation in the first place, the same way we had to fight for the tests for IVF. To make it worse, after the operation Michelle was told by the nurse "you can get free IVF here, as IVF is free in Milton Keynes up to the age of the 40"..., we got excited, our dream could finally come true, but then after some further research and despite having a MK postcode, we fell under Aylesbury Vale who cap the age at 35 (just like Oxford) - had we lived in Buckingham when we first started this journey, this story would have been totally different...
Michelle had her follow up meeting just last week, and once again the gyneacology dept is mixed in with the maternity ward, we walked past heavily pregnant ladies, again rubbing our faces in it. The nurse greeted us with "and your here for infertility", not exactly the words you want to hear when your in this position. And once again, we were told we could get free IVF in MK, but then had to tell them again about our postcode. Why do doctors not read previous notes and do their homework. Her co worker just told us to move house. Well, Michelle is only 8 months away from her 40th, you need 3 months referral and even then we are in a tenancy until May so this would really not work. In addition we would have to move jobs and relocate and it would cause lots of issues itself. Even if we moved tomorrow, it is very tight in timescales and not something we can just change overnight. It is a total postcode lottery, how can a 45 mile radius have such varied age limits of 35 and 40. If the doctors had seen the issue when we were young enough and living in Bicester and explained about the IVF postcode lottery and given us more support we could have done something about it. Furthermore, why should WE have to move just to get what suits local CCG's, we love where we live and after almost 4 years are very settled. It is totally unfair....
All we want is a baby, a piece of me and Michelle. We both have been asked at times "have you got children", in addition to the emotional feeling when parents tell their kids off, or shout at them, or even say "dont ever have kids", I cry inside and so does Michelle and just want what most people can have naturally, yet cannot do so because local governments have decided our fate!
This go fund me page is to raise money so we can have one go at IVF, we have both said that we will give in at Michelle's 40th (July 2018) and then either adopt/foster or may give the money raised (if not enough to do IVF) to a children's home/charity.
Michelle wants to conceieve and I want to be a dad - adoption would and always be an option but we would like something of our own. Our own creation, a mini Walden
Thank you for reading this and we would apprciate it, if you could help us in raising funds to acheive our dream. Please donate and share this story .......
Love Justin and Michelle xxxxxx
It was love at first sight and in July 2008 we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I was 33 and Michelle was 29
I could not spend a minute away from Michelle and we were pretty much together every evening, either at my house or hers.
In Jan 2009, I decided to ask her to marry me, being a traditionilist, I asked her fathers permission, to which he gave his blessing.
A few months later, we set a date to get married - July 16th 2011 - the reason, it would be as close to our three year "together" anniversary
Several months prior to the wedding - we both agreed, that it would be such a special time to have a baby "on the way" on our big day. With this in mind we attempted to start our family.
The big day came, but no luck on the baby, the wedding was a fantastic day despite this and we thought nothing of it, unaware of the issues we were about to face.
I started to get real bad OCD and anxiety as everything was going well so far and I was afraid something would go wrong...
Months and months pass, a year goes by and yet we still seem to have an issue with conceiving, and could not understand why.
Repeated doctors visits to express our worries of not conceiveing and the doctors just told us "to relax", friends and family told us to do the same, yet it all came to nothing. It was hard for me to relax with my conditions
Time passes and after several more doctors visits, and demand for answers, we were told that the only way forward would be IVF. At this time we lived in Bicester and fell under Oxfordshire for IVF
Our doctor refered us and stated we would fall into the free category of IVF - we both took varying numerous tests and then had a meeting with a doctor at the John Radcliffe Hospital. During this time we also lost around 3 stone each to help our chances of becoming parents
It is early 2013, Michelle is 34 and I am 37. We walk into the hospital for our meeting and sit in the "maternity ward" (rub our faces in it why dont you!!)
We have our meeting and we were asked varying questions. The reports showed that we both had fertilty issues and the only way to have a child would be through IVF, as it would be virtually impossible to fall naturally.
The doctor then asked how old Michelle was - 34
The next sentance crippled us - "well, even if Michelle was to chop her leg off, her BMI would not get to where it needs to be before the 3 month referral for free IVF and her 35th Birthday" and as Oxford cap the age limit to 35 - despite the NICE gudelines being 42 - the only way to fund this would be privatly.
We walked out of the hosiptal, I was holding Michelles hand so tight as she was in tears, broken, in pain, knowing that we could not afford the private treatment.
As we walked outside, I cuddled her and broke down in her arms myself (I am crying now just writing this!)
Our dreams shattered, hopes dashed. We were numb.
The next few months and year became very hard, we put on the weight we had lost, we both became very irratable and angry with each other. We both had very high pressured jobs and it got to a point were we could not cope anymore. We were extremly depressed. I started getting more anxious and my OCD got worse.
We then got another blow, where our landlord decided to sell his flat. We try to find somewhere nice and end up in a lovely house in Buckingham - we bought a rabbit and named him Paddy - more so for Michelle's maternal feelings.
In early 2015, we decided that we needed help, we struggled to be in the same room without arguing. We both looked for counselling, In the hopes it would also reduce my anxiety and OCD. To make the counselling harder, Michelle had her paycut due to a company restructre and I was finding it very hard at work myself. I just didnt want to be in this position, my panic attacks were daily and my OCD got even worse
We had around 3 months of counselling, some alone and some together, it started turning our life around as a couple, but still did not heal the pain of wanting children.
During this time I also took a paycut and stepped down from senior management as I was finding it hard to cope with the situation and my anxiety was taking over. I needed to rid some of the pressures I was having.
I had always hoped by the time I was 40, that I would be married and have two chidren. I always wanted a boy as I am the only male in the family and need our family tree to continue.
Once our counselling was complete and we felt a bit more positive I decided to put pen to paper and try and acheive our dream. I was unhappy that the local CCG decided our future and the chance of having a family and capped the age at 35, despite the NICE guidelines of 42 - so I wrote to my local PM, I wrote to Downing Street, I wrote to local and national media, and despite lovely responses and the story being published, it seemed no one cared, we must of been one of millions with the same issues.
Time passes and in my head, now past my 40 milestone, I had basically accepted that a family might never happen, but seeing my wife in constant pain and so emotional I had to keep my positive head on for her, the maternal feelings she had and has will never go away.
Earlier this year, my wife, now 38 had a laparoscopy and discovered she had endometriosis and one blocked tube. Why was this never picked up in earlier tests? She actually had to fight to get this operation in the first place, the same way we had to fight for the tests for IVF. To make it worse, after the operation Michelle was told by the nurse "you can get free IVF here, as IVF is free in Milton Keynes up to the age of the 40"..., we got excited, our dream could finally come true, but then after some further research and despite having a MK postcode, we fell under Aylesbury Vale who cap the age at 35 (just like Oxford) - had we lived in Buckingham when we first started this journey, this story would have been totally different...
Michelle had her follow up meeting just last week, and once again the gyneacology dept is mixed in with the maternity ward, we walked past heavily pregnant ladies, again rubbing our faces in it. The nurse greeted us with "and your here for infertility", not exactly the words you want to hear when your in this position. And once again, we were told we could get free IVF in MK, but then had to tell them again about our postcode. Why do doctors not read previous notes and do their homework. Her co worker just told us to move house. Well, Michelle is only 8 months away from her 40th, you need 3 months referral and even then we are in a tenancy until May so this would really not work. In addition we would have to move jobs and relocate and it would cause lots of issues itself. Even if we moved tomorrow, it is very tight in timescales and not something we can just change overnight. It is a total postcode lottery, how can a 45 mile radius have such varied age limits of 35 and 40. If the doctors had seen the issue when we were young enough and living in Bicester and explained about the IVF postcode lottery and given us more support we could have done something about it. Furthermore, why should WE have to move just to get what suits local CCG's, we love where we live and after almost 4 years are very settled. It is totally unfair....
All we want is a baby, a piece of me and Michelle. We both have been asked at times "have you got children", in addition to the emotional feeling when parents tell their kids off, or shout at them, or even say "dont ever have kids", I cry inside and so does Michelle and just want what most people can have naturally, yet cannot do so because local governments have decided our fate!
This go fund me page is to raise money so we can have one go at IVF, we have both said that we will give in at Michelle's 40th (July 2018) and then either adopt/foster or may give the money raised (if not enough to do IVF) to a children's home/charity.
Michelle wants to conceieve and I want to be a dad - adoption would and always be an option but we would like something of our own. Our own creation, a mini Walden
Thank you for reading this and we would apprciate it, if you could help us in raising funds to acheive our dream. Please donate and share this story .......
Love Justin and Michelle xxxxxx
Organizer
Justin Walden
Organizer