Mother and Child need prayers+help

My name is Jessica I have one child he is 3 years old his name is Uriah Rezen my other child was named Mathias Jayse he was 19 months old he passed away in mommas arms May 27th 2014 around 1 pm due to a gunshot wound to the head. We'd always go to our neighbors aparment , he was a elderly man in his 80s the kids loved him and loved getting into his stuff. Especially since being at that age they loved to get into everything thing. Well this specific tragic day the neighbor invited us in he said he wanted to preprare us a food box for us. With me being a single mother he thought he needed to help which he tried all the time very sweet man. This day the boys were running aroung the apartment being boys being curious getting into everything they could. So i kept bringing them in the living room so they would stay out of the back rooms. I caught Mathias sneaking in the back spare room again which he loved to do. I remember him touching a white tshirt these are the small things i remember. So again i picked baby up closed the door and did not close the main bedroom door not sure why maybe out of courtesy I blame my self every single day for this. So i went back into the kitchen where the neighbor was preparing the box and noticed the boys ran into the room again I hear ringing in my ears still til to this day.  I watched my son fall down to the ground and ran to pick him up.This happned because of  a loaded cocked pistol on a crate by the bedroom door i didnt even think to look for any gun in a trusted neighbors house.  My Uriah was 2 during this time and baby Mathias was 19 months old. I picked his lifeless body up and prayed prayed prayed for God to not take him yet screaming for 911, it seemed like a life time to get any attention to call 911 which wouldnt have mattered anyway because it was to severe. I can not take back the past and I know I will be critized for this but im not sure of another option which I have used up many many ideas and options. I now have have severe PTSD and severe aggrivated  pre existing anxiety condition along with no good physical issues I am extremely embarresed  due to may age. I am a great mother to both of my blessings baby boys I adore so much and thankful for the lord letting borrow I guess that would be best word to use. I am writing this donation blog because I have disabilities that are permanetly taking me away from work which at this age seems impossible but things happen for reasons unexplainable.  We are in major serious need of a place to live  temporary until we can get on our feet. My son does not undersand what is going on. Thank God he doesnt see that momma is in pain in her heart and has flash backs and hides in differnt places or away from him so he doesn have to  see me cry, I know that God wont let him be affected by this. Uriah and I would so appreciate it if anyone could help us in any way possible this is our last resort I have tried alot of options and it seems maybe this can help. Bless your hearts for taking the time to read my story and to inspire to speak out with major horrific tragedies that you are not alone. We just need the help  and pray that no one else gets put in this situation. Thank you so much. God bless you.