Jo's Facial Fem and Abdominoplasty

Hello! My name is Jo! I am a 27 year old transgender woman (mtf) who has been medically transitioning for the last 4 years. During this process I also lost 150 Lbs of fat!

I created this gofundme page to help fund the remaining surgeries that I need. I hope to have Facial Feminization Surgery, and a Lumbar Abdominoplasty to remove lose skin from weightloss.

These particular surgeries will play a very large role in my ability to live a safe, healthy, happy, and successful life post transition.

As you may know these surgeries are extremely expensive and this one is not covered by insurance... so I am hoping the good people of the internet can help me out!

Please read if you are interested in my challenges...

I am not your stereotypical trans woman, I never crossed dressed, I am not particularly feminine, I am generally not attracted to men, and I don’t mind getting dirty if I need to. I am also not a millionaire and not famous, quite the opposite really, very few people even know I exist, which is why you should keep reading.

What I am is a strong willed, outspoken, highly educated, driven professional, builder, tinkerer, engineer, geek, patriot, lesbian, and tomboy who’s definition of “doing my nails” means cleaning the grease off after an oil change. I am the trans woman you haven’t heard about and here is my story…

I have known from a very young age that my body did not match my identity. Around 11 years old I finally realized exactly what was off; I was supposed to have a girls body. You may not understand how someone could feel this way; hell I am not sure I fully understand it. But there has never been any doubt in my mind.

Around this time I actually told my mom, I didn’t know anything about trans people at the time, but I knew I was supposed to be a girl. Bless my mother's heart she had no idea how to handle it. She was raised in a very conservative household, as was I, and she did the only thing she knew to do...she told my father. This did not end well for me; I was physically punished for it and it marked the beginning of a slow 10+ year death of the relationship with my father. I was traumatized and decided to never speak of my feelings ever again because I knew that it would only produce hostility.

I continued on with my life, carrying this burden with me everywhere I went (which was a lot of places, I’ve been to like 20 schools and 8 colleges). I knew who I was but no one else did and I kept searching for something else to fill the void. To most I appeared to be somewhat hollow because I lived a life of muted emotion and lived in fear of being “found out”. I also suffer from Asperger’s, which already makes me predisposed to being social issues; I literally redefine the meaning of being shy and awkward. This all led to a lot of bullying…TONS of bullying! And my worst fear was that somehow, the other kids would find out that I wanted to be a girl. I knew that if word ever got out, they would tear me to pieces.

I was bullied almost everywhere I went, growing up was not easy for me, it took its toll on my mind, my soul, and my body. I can tell you what its like to not want to live anymore, it is a dark place. I am one of the lucky ones… I made it through alive.

During this time, I almost completely retreated from society. I went to school then came home and messed with computers, I did this day in and day out for years and years. I had no respect for myself or my body, I put on a lot of weight which made the bullying worse, and made me hate my body even more which made my gender dysphoria worse, it was a vicious cycle. We talk about how the media’s impossible beauty standards negatively affect young women (which is true), now imagine how damaging it would be if you were a young woman trapped in a morbidly obese man’s body, that was my life. And lets not even get into dating, it was basically impossible, I have always been single.

At some point along the line, my parents decided to send me to a conservative Christian all boys military boarding school in Mississippi. I was told this was for my own good and that I needed a safe structured environment, blah blah. It really was just my father trying to get me out of his sight and he hoped that maybe just maybe it would “make a man out of me”. Of course I did not conform in the slightest and my life at that school was a complete nightmare.

These people emotionally and physically abused me. I was never assaulted but I was made to run or exercise to the point of passing out on a regular basis as punishment for well, no good reason (with the threat of corporal punishment if I did not comply, which is legal in MS). I was yelled at and denied the ability to contact the outside world. I was a good kid who had never been in trouble; the other students were mostly juvenile offenders whose parents had been given a choice of reform school or prison.

I was the fat and nice computer geek; I was threatened, bullied, and tormented all day every day. Of course I could not just leave, I was not 18 yet, and the school legally had authority over me. Basically I had been sent to prison even though I had committed no crime. Still to this day I have dreams that I am still stuck there and I wake up in a cold sweat.

Eventually I was allowed to come home on the stipulation that I would join Air Force JROTC at the local High School, which I gladly did (parents really wanted me to go into the military). I ended up becoming a Major and 3rd in command of over 500 cadets. I actually really enjoyed my time in JROTC and so when it came time to graduate I decided I wanted to attend a military academy. So I attended my first year of college at Maine Maritime Academy.

Some part of me thought that maybe just maybe joining the military might “make a man” out of me, maybe I just never had the right environment? Well I was wrong, that shit totally sucked. I got to do some cool stuff like ocean survival training and USCG shipboard firefighting training, and I got to help disassemble a massive diesel engine the size of your apartment. All of that was really cool, but none of the military stuff ever filled that piece of me that was missing, and I knew that if I continued down that path that hole would never be filled (trans people are not welcome in the military). I decided not to return for my second year.

I came home to finish school and I went right back to my old habits of social isolation, going to class, eating, messing with computers, rinse and repeat. I put on more weight, tipping the scales at 305 Lbs. I was sick and unhappy and at the end of my rope. But I soldiered on…

In July of 2012 during my master's program, I finally decided, fuck it, I can’t handle it anymore I am going to change my sex. So I started therapy and then hormones. I was tired of living a lie and I had realized that nothing else could ever fill the hole in my heart, and if I didn’t fill it, it was going to consume me. This coming out was scary and hard; I lost several of the already few friends I had. Some family members also distanced themselves. One particularly close family member even threatened me and got borderline violent, although that individual has since done an about face and is now one of my staunchest supporters.

As I started my transition I began to care more and more about my body. I gradually started losing weight for the first time in years.

I finally finished my Masters degree but l knew that if I was going to get serious about transition that I needed to be in a better environment with more opportunities. Being that my expertise is in computers, the San Francisco bay area was the most logical place for me to go. So I saved up (and got some assistance from my *step dad), sold all my stuff, packed up what remained in my car and drove to SF. I had no job lined up and no apartment. But I did have an old friend who put me up for a couple weeks.

I hit the ground running, I got an apartment, I found a part time job doing IT work for a small company on craigslist, and I joined the SF LGBT Center’s job club. At some point the SF Center decided to pay for me and several other job seekers to go to the Game Developers Conference so we could hustle ourselves into some swankier jobs. So that’s what I did, I took a stack of resume’s and sample work, and I hit the halls of GDC. I talked to everywhere, I had to really put myself out there, which considering my social issues was one of the most challenging things I have ever done, but I did it. It just so happens that I met a contact there that worked for a game streaming company and it led to my first real Silicon Valley job.

I have since moved on to other opportunities but the experience was life changing. Coming out here was a huge risk, and it took a great deal of work and courage, but it has gone a long way towards making my dreams a reality. Being able to support myself in an area that accepts people like myself has been the push I needed to finally accelerate my transition. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable being openly trans. This positive feeling has gone a long way towards my weight loss too; when you finally start caring about your body, losing 150 Lbs. seems like child’s play. I still have a lot of work to do, but I am finally happy for once.