Help from major psychiatric damage

It all started with a slight breathing problem early in the morning a few days in a row in 2012 ...as i later found out i had a severe case of GERD (gastro esophageal reflux) ....but the doctor at a walk-in clinic didn't diagnose it that way ....instead he told me i had a combination of Anxiety and Asthma ...so he gave me Ativan for the anxiety ....and two steroid inhalers (Salbutamol and Q-Var) for the Asthma ....

i took my medications as prescribed ....i was so thankful cause shortness of breath was very distressing to me and i was glad that the good doctor was able to help me ...

but the shortness of breath got worse ....much worse ....within weeks of taking the Ativan and the two inhalers, even new symptoms appeared ....then a few months later he told me to stop taking the Ativan ...and when i did, and i became extremely sick ...extreme panic ...severe insomnia ...agitation ...even psychosis ....convulsions ....many visits to the ER ...

no one knew what was wrong with me and they decided that i had a severe psychiatric condition now ...they sent me to a psychiatrist ...he wanted to put me on Abilify and/or Seroquel ...for what he called a condition of psychosis and schizophrenia and to also help me sleep ....i finally was put on Seroquel ...mainly to help me get some sleep at a low dose ...

but i got even worse on Seroquel and became extremely agitated and the insomnia and all the other symptoms got even worse ...it helped me sleep for the first few days but after that the insomnia came back even worse than before ...

that was back in 2012

since then i have been thrown around in the medical system and have been put on many medications ...i don't know if i remember them all ..

Ativan
Seroquel
Haldol
Celexa
Lyrica
Neurontin
Trazodone
Remeron
Depakote
Bromazepam
ProtonPump inhibitors
Diphenhydramine
Ambien
Propranolol
Invega
Clonidine
Vistaril
Valium
Latuda
Nozinan

...while i kept getting worse and worse on all of them ....they would put me on them at different cocktails for a few months ...only to learn that they don't work and i had to go through the hell of withdrawals when i tied to come off of them with very little or no help from any of these so called "professionals" ....

finally i started looking like a ghost .....my girlfriend left me ...i lost what little money i had saved up ....and i became a very damaged person ...all the drugs the doctors were giving me were making me feel sick and warped and weird like im not in this world ....they never admitted that the medications had anything to do with it ...they kept telling me i am sick and i need to stay on them ..

(Edit) Teusday November 21 2017

......"""i have been off all the medications for nearly two months now ....i have been composing music again after 5 years of dizziness and seizures and horrid insomnia that prevented me to be able to focus on anything creatively and artistically from feeling sick and ill physically and mentally from these psychiatric drugs they had me on .....i am able to eat normal foods again as the damage that the medications were causing to my digestive system is starting be repaired slowly .....i am able to rest at night more as the Akathesia and constant panic attacks got more mild since i stopped taking the prescriptions the psychiatrists were giving me .....it took me a total of 30 months to withdraw from all the medications one by one ....it was the most difficult and horrifying experience of my ENTIRE life"""".....

(Continued)

i gave up trying all the different poisons the doctors kept throwing in my face ....and about a year ago i decided to start stopping one medication after the next ...this time last year i was on a cocktail of 6 medications ....now i am on one ....but im severely ill and hanging by threads and i spend all of my time fighting to stay alive and sane ...

i never knew that medical professionals can cause so much damage ....i wish i could go back in time and take those first prescriptions and throw them away before i got sucked in ....i never really asked for medications from the doctors ...i was trusting and thought they knew what they were doing ...

i wish i could go back to when all i had was a case Acid Reflux ...i never needed Ativan or Asthma medications ...all i need to do was to make sure i dont go to bed on a full stomach

this is the fundraiser that a friend of mine helped me set up a while back ...and it is the only thing that kept me alive and gave me some extra tools to keep fighting ...mainly special nutritional diets i researched on that are the main cost .....and a bit of financial breathing room that takes some of the weight off my mind while i continue to fight ....one of the things i learned through this is that it is hell trying to fight a battle like that and being poor at the same time ....

i ask my friends out there not to give up on me just yet ...please as i fight now for every moment of life to keep supporting me ...

i don't know when i will be well enough to type and text and post a long message like this as i am most of the days too messed up and in full panic mode to sit in my chair and look at the bright page on facebook and type for long ...

please keep the fundraiser going ....tell your friends ...share the link ...share the story ...donate and help out, everyone who has helped has been a life saver ...i don't know what else to do ...all i can do is fight and stay afloat and wait for things to get better and not drown ....thank you for taking the time to read this long post i wrote ...thank you for being here