Help Roxi Get Her Surgery

Hello all. My name is Roxi. I am 29 years old and I am transgender, and I know that makes some people uncomfortable, but please hear me out. Listen to my story.

From a young age, I always had been interested in things that were only for girls. Barbies, cute clothes, princess's and the such, but I never thought much of it. I continued on with life pushing it down, as my heavily bigoted father, friends, and other people surrounding me as I grew, told me how wrong it was, because I was a boy. I grew up hating myself in ways, but learned to supress it. Around the age of 19 when I finally moved out to live with some friends, I was actually encouraged to just be myself and not be afraid. I tried, but was still supressed in ways. Of course I could dress how I wanted, and do my hair how I wanted, but I still didn't feel myself. I had suppressed myself for so long, I didn't know how to break out. I suppressed it more once I had to move back home, once the apartment with friends didn't work out as planned. 

Fast forward a few years. 

I met a semi manly girl and we got married and that whole story, and after 4 years together, it finally crashed down. We just were not meant to be. I was hurt, knocked down, and still trying to find myself. 

A year later, I ened up with another semi manly girl, one of which I drove to colorado with and brought back to maine to live with me, and we tried to make things work. She ended up lying to me a lot and cheated on me. 

After this, I hit rock bottom. I sat on the floor crying for hours. I nearly dehydrated myself, I wouldn't eat or drink much. I lost tons of weight. Health went right downhill.

and throughtout all this, I still didn't feel like myself. I felt like I was always trying to find acceptance in myself, through others. Trying to fill the void of wanting to truly be female, by trying to be with a female who was more manly. I know it's odd, but somehow, it made sense in my head. 

Once I broke, I slowly rebuilt myself. I focused on me, instead of others. I spent time and learned about myself and looked back upon all those years and experiences I've had. All the dysphoria of hating my body, hating myself in every way physically, and thinking I was so wrong just for being me, for liking the things I did. Then it all came together and I figured myself out. 

I am female. I am not a male. I may have a male body, but I feel like I shouldn't have. I feel like I was born with a birth defect that is my responsibility to fix.

It has nothing to do with who I want a relationship with, or what anyone else thinks about me. This is me accepting and loving myself. So I started on my real journey forward

I first started coming out as gay, fearing rejection and hate and ridicule, but I had to be me, at this point it was life or death, but, baby steps. I felt liberated, like a phoenix but still hiding the fact that i'm trans, just as some sort of protection as I test the waters.

My father found out I'm just "gay" the day before thanksgiving. Then my mother told him later on that month, that I'm trans.

I haven't seen his face since that day. It's a price I had to pay. I lost my father to bigotry.

As for the rest of the world, I felt very welcome presenting as just "gay", so later on, I tested the waters again and came out on facebook. I stated simply "So...I think...I'm transgender" knowing full well yes I am, and just pretending like its a "thought". 

I was met with heavy support from many new friends I had made since coming out as gay, and it felt wonderful. It was nice to have full acceptance, but even if they didn't accept me, it was worth it to lose those who would leave, should they chose to do so.

I moved forward, and I preferred people to call me by the name "Roxi" instead of "Kevin"

My health improved. I lost 45 pounds. I quit chugging soda and eating tons of junk. 

I started wearing womens clothing exclusively, including dresses and skirts to work. I presented fully as female. I am Roxi and I am woman hear me roar. 

I called planned parenthood and went in for my first appointment, had my tests, and soon thereafter, I was on hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I also meet with a gender therapist every month. 

I feel like I am truly becoming me, physically and mentally I am slowly matching up in perfect sync, and I am quite happy in that respect, but...

now comes the reason for this gofund me, and the reason I've tried summarizing my long journey of self discovery. 

--- I need help paying for my gender re-assignment surgery. ---

I already picked out a very good surgeon named Dr. Sherman Leis, of Pennsylvania's Center for Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. but the cost is $20,000. My insurance doesn't cover it. 

I am a single mother with full custody of my 5 year old child, and I work a job and don't get much help from others. So it'd to be expected, money is an issue.

If you've read this far, I thank you for caring. 

I don't expect much. I feel like making this gofund me won't generate so much as maybe $20 but I felt its a last ditch effort and worth a shot. 

I really don't want to have to wait another decade to get my surgery. I'm already 29 years old, and finally, slowly, am becoming myself...but the "downstairs" area haunts me. 

Every time I look down at my body, I feel disgusted down there. I feel like I have a deformity, and I NEED to correct this to be complete. Not for sexual satisfaction. Not for anything perverted. but because I need to be complete. I need to be a woman fully.

I'm asking and begging any of you who read this and care, to please help me in any way you can. 

Please DO NOT post any hateful, negative, or bigoted comments. I'm already dealing with them enough as it is.

I hope this paints a positive picture of me and my life, and helps to warm your heart.

Thank you, all who help, thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. 

Thank you for your time.