The Starling Family's Special Needs
Donation protected
Hi, you may or may not know our family personally. We are the Starling family. We are a lovely family of 7. We have been blessed with 5 amazing children. We are also a family with a child who has special needs. When our Daughter was 4 years old we went for her annual check up. It was then brought to our attention by her pediatrician that they were concerned about her development and that they would like us to follow up with some testing. Upon completion of testing it was found that she had a sensory processing disorder, a serious anxiety condition called selective mutism, and that she was developmentally delayed. What did we do? We sprang into action. We worked with the doctors and the school system to make a plan going forward. She entered the public-school system shortly thereafter and worked towards making progress in learning to function with her disabilities, and overcoming everyday obstacles. She continued in the same school throughout preschool and Kindergarten, making progress and living a relatively happy life. As she reached 1st grade, things started to get more complex, we realized there were additional disabilities that were affecting her that had to be addressed, so as normal, we worked as a team with her school, adjusted our plan and goals for her, the best that we could, and we moved on. Not to say it didn't put a strain on our family and our everyday lives, but it was manageable. We were still making progress and our family was doing well.
Fast forward a few months later and our lives have been turned upside down. Upon her completion of 1st grade we decided that as our family grew, it might be important to think about a larger place to live that we could purchase, so we would not be throwing our money away in rent. In order to do this, we had to move outside of the school system in Reston, and to a new area.
Little did we know, the detrimental effects this was going to have on our family. Once we moved into our new house, things started going downhill dramatically, and very quickly. Our daughters emotional state took a turn for the worse. And when our child’s emotional state went out of control, the whole family started to become dysfunctional. Our daughter shut down. She lost her confidence. She was rarely happy. Everything was new and different. These changes were overwhelming. Being in a new place after living for so long in the same place was extremely hard on her and the other children, and this consequently had a negative effected on our whole family. We thought that we would give it some time and see if things would get better. She started 2nd grade at her new school. Upon entering the new school system, so much changed. The people were different, the procedures were different, the staff were different, she wasn’t able to connect and make new friendships, and she seemed to be less of a priority to the new school system. These changes only added to and amplified her already anxious and emotionally unstable state. Despite all the meetings and constant contact with the school administration, general education teachers, and special education teachers, she stopped progressing academically, which was the first time that had happened. She was angry all the time. We didn't know how to deal with this, things had never been so out of control. We tried very hard to work with the school to create an atmosphere where she could succeed and grow. We tried several suggestions from a variety of sources, we continued to wait like the administration requested. We were often pushed aside and told that the school did not have the resources she needed and was accustomed to. It was very clear we were not a team, it felt like a constant struggle just to get someone to care. Their answer was to pull her out of the general education setting, based on the fact that they were overbooked and underfunded. She was no longer receiving special education services in the classroom, only receiving them via small group setting with the special education teacher in a special education room. The special education teacher’s schedule did not allow her to work with our daughter in the general education setting, even though that’s what was in our daughter’s best interests. After carefully considering everything and upon deep reflection, we realized that we made a mistake by giving up the life we had in Reston, and moving to this new house. We had good intentions, we thought we were doing the right thing for our family. Why was everything going so wrong??? Hindsight is 20/20, right? We tried for a few months to stick it out in our new house, however we quickly realized that it was a battle that could not be won, and that meant we were losing valuable time with our daughter. Our family was deteriorating and we were starting to shut down. It was at this point that we knew we had to somehow get back to Reston and back to a place that better suited our family’s needs. So, we put our house on the market in October of 2016 for rent or for sale, we didn’t really care which one, we just needed to get back to Reston. The struggles continued, the same issues day in and day out. Despite a lot of effort, we couldn't wait any longer to try to fix the mess that had been created by our move. With our house still being listed with no contracts or potential renters, we felt cornered and took out a loan to cover the double expenses of owning the house and renting an apartment in Reston in the beginning of January 2017. Doing so has caused us more financial hardship than anticipated, but we felt we had no other choice. We also used a portion of the loan to lower the price of the house in order to get it to sell faster.
It has now been about 6 weeks since we have been back in Reston. Despite the price drop, the house is still on the market with no contracts. We had anticipated that lowering the price would have sold the house for sure. We are starting to run out of time and money. Upon returning to Reston, we have seen great improvement with our daughter and our family. We are still VERY far from doing great, but we are back on a better path and we again have hope. We didn't know the support system that we were losing when we left Reston, or how important the relationships we had established were, or how critical the structure of the school was, especially the teachers working with our daughter. We undervalued the ties and resources our family had built in Reston, and how important they were to our family, especially our special needs daughter.
When one person in a family is hurting, we all feel the pain. It is impossible as a parent to sit around and do nothing, when you know there’s something you can do to help them, even if it’s not the wisest financial decision. To an outsider, our decision to move back to Reston before selling or renting our house may have been a bad move, but it was an act from the heart. We were desperately seeking the way to try to put the pieces of our family back together. We as parents didn't want to see our family suffer anymore, it was in our hands to make the best decision for our family at the time. We are not prestigious people, we don’t save lives for a living, we aren’t shaping the future of our Nation. We are just average parents doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving home while meeting their needs, and following our instincts. Special children really do have special needs. We are learning that sometimes that means asking for special help.
I hope that as you read this today, you can understand where we are coming from and help by donating to our family to help us continue on the right path. We have started to sign up for this go fund me account many times, but often question if we should. The answer is yes, it’s not the easy thing to do, but life’s tough and our family and this community mean the world to us. Being in Reston isn't going to fix everything, but it's certainly an important step to getting things back on the right track. We hope to raise enough money to continue to cover our rent in Reston while trying to sell or rent our house. Every little bit really does make a difference. I thank you for taking the time to read through this. I know we ALL face our own difficulties every day, and our family’s problems aren’t more important than anyone else’s. We are reaching out for financial help because our options are starting to run out. PLEASE HELP OUR FAMILY. If you could pass this on to friends and family, or church members, or coworkers who may be able to help as well, your assistance would be extremely appreciated. THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Fast forward a few months later and our lives have been turned upside down. Upon her completion of 1st grade we decided that as our family grew, it might be important to think about a larger place to live that we could purchase, so we would not be throwing our money away in rent. In order to do this, we had to move outside of the school system in Reston, and to a new area.
Little did we know, the detrimental effects this was going to have on our family. Once we moved into our new house, things started going downhill dramatically, and very quickly. Our daughters emotional state took a turn for the worse. And when our child’s emotional state went out of control, the whole family started to become dysfunctional. Our daughter shut down. She lost her confidence. She was rarely happy. Everything was new and different. These changes were overwhelming. Being in a new place after living for so long in the same place was extremely hard on her and the other children, and this consequently had a negative effected on our whole family. We thought that we would give it some time and see if things would get better. She started 2nd grade at her new school. Upon entering the new school system, so much changed. The people were different, the procedures were different, the staff were different, she wasn’t able to connect and make new friendships, and she seemed to be less of a priority to the new school system. These changes only added to and amplified her already anxious and emotionally unstable state. Despite all the meetings and constant contact with the school administration, general education teachers, and special education teachers, she stopped progressing academically, which was the first time that had happened. She was angry all the time. We didn't know how to deal with this, things had never been so out of control. We tried very hard to work with the school to create an atmosphere where she could succeed and grow. We tried several suggestions from a variety of sources, we continued to wait like the administration requested. We were often pushed aside and told that the school did not have the resources she needed and was accustomed to. It was very clear we were not a team, it felt like a constant struggle just to get someone to care. Their answer was to pull her out of the general education setting, based on the fact that they were overbooked and underfunded. She was no longer receiving special education services in the classroom, only receiving them via small group setting with the special education teacher in a special education room. The special education teacher’s schedule did not allow her to work with our daughter in the general education setting, even though that’s what was in our daughter’s best interests. After carefully considering everything and upon deep reflection, we realized that we made a mistake by giving up the life we had in Reston, and moving to this new house. We had good intentions, we thought we were doing the right thing for our family. Why was everything going so wrong??? Hindsight is 20/20, right? We tried for a few months to stick it out in our new house, however we quickly realized that it was a battle that could not be won, and that meant we were losing valuable time with our daughter. Our family was deteriorating and we were starting to shut down. It was at this point that we knew we had to somehow get back to Reston and back to a place that better suited our family’s needs. So, we put our house on the market in October of 2016 for rent or for sale, we didn’t really care which one, we just needed to get back to Reston. The struggles continued, the same issues day in and day out. Despite a lot of effort, we couldn't wait any longer to try to fix the mess that had been created by our move. With our house still being listed with no contracts or potential renters, we felt cornered and took out a loan to cover the double expenses of owning the house and renting an apartment in Reston in the beginning of January 2017. Doing so has caused us more financial hardship than anticipated, but we felt we had no other choice. We also used a portion of the loan to lower the price of the house in order to get it to sell faster.
It has now been about 6 weeks since we have been back in Reston. Despite the price drop, the house is still on the market with no contracts. We had anticipated that lowering the price would have sold the house for sure. We are starting to run out of time and money. Upon returning to Reston, we have seen great improvement with our daughter and our family. We are still VERY far from doing great, but we are back on a better path and we again have hope. We didn't know the support system that we were losing when we left Reston, or how important the relationships we had established were, or how critical the structure of the school was, especially the teachers working with our daughter. We undervalued the ties and resources our family had built in Reston, and how important they were to our family, especially our special needs daughter.
When one person in a family is hurting, we all feel the pain. It is impossible as a parent to sit around and do nothing, when you know there’s something you can do to help them, even if it’s not the wisest financial decision. To an outsider, our decision to move back to Reston before selling or renting our house may have been a bad move, but it was an act from the heart. We were desperately seeking the way to try to put the pieces of our family back together. We as parents didn't want to see our family suffer anymore, it was in our hands to make the best decision for our family at the time. We are not prestigious people, we don’t save lives for a living, we aren’t shaping the future of our Nation. We are just average parents doing the best we can to raise our children in a loving home while meeting their needs, and following our instincts. Special children really do have special needs. We are learning that sometimes that means asking for special help.
I hope that as you read this today, you can understand where we are coming from and help by donating to our family to help us continue on the right path. We have started to sign up for this go fund me account many times, but often question if we should. The answer is yes, it’s not the easy thing to do, but life’s tough and our family and this community mean the world to us. Being in Reston isn't going to fix everything, but it's certainly an important step to getting things back on the right track. We hope to raise enough money to continue to cover our rent in Reston while trying to sell or rent our house. Every little bit really does make a difference. I thank you for taking the time to read through this. I know we ALL face our own difficulties every day, and our family’s problems aren’t more important than anyone else’s. We are reaching out for financial help because our options are starting to run out. PLEASE HELP OUR FAMILY. If you could pass this on to friends and family, or church members, or coworkers who may be able to help as well, your assistance would be extremely appreciated. THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Organizer
Abby Miller
Organizer
Reston, VA